(no subject)
Title: All That Glitters
Fandom: TB/X
Pairings: Seishirou/Subaru, Fuuma/Kamui, Sorata/Arashi, Yuuto/Karen... eh. There are others but I'm too lazy to list them all.
Genre: MEGA AU. All the genres you can possibly think of! Okay, maybe not. But there is crack, and there is angst, and there is other stuff.
Word Count: 26,078 (for the first three parts, being all that's done); 9,083 for this part.
Notes: Christmas fic for crazylittleme, 2006. Insanely long, insanely on crack, and insanely not finished. I have parts 3/5 done for Christmas; she can have the other two parts later as an IOU birthday fic for earlier in the year. *g*
Summary: It's saved on my harddrive as "Boyband!X". I think that's really all you need to know. *cough*
PART II
~ CHAPTER TWO ~
"Okay, just like that, right, no no no what are you doing? Jeez! Stay still! Not there!"
The very loud and self-possessed young woman had been terrifying the studio for the better part of an hour, cowing even Fuuma with her yelling and manhandling and oceans of material. Yuuto had spent most of that time lounging smugly at the edges of the studio, safe from her tyranny because he wasn't one of her victims and therefore was safe to laugh at their expense.
"Hey!" she suddenly yelled, spinning to glare intently in his direction. The smirk slid abruptly from his face and Fuuma sniggered, the shoe now being on the other foot.
He sniggered quietly, mind you.
"Yes, how may I help you?" Yuuto said, as charming and polite as he could possibly manage. His band's new wardrobe manager grinned sharkishly at him, flashing her teeth.
"You're the manager or whatever, right?"
"The public relations manager, yes," he agreed, still polite but with an undertone of wariness, because Yuuto had survived the music industry for quite a few years now and was generally unflappable but the new wardrobe manager made him feel slightly intimidated. "How may I be of assistance?"
"You said there's five members, right? Well, where's the fifth? He's like, twenty minutes late!" she complained, flailing her arms in dramatic hand gestures. "I can't coordinate everyone if everyone isn't here, you know!"
"He should be here soon," Yuuto said, trying to sound placating and not backing away through sheer force of will. "Kanoe sent him to talk to the producers about an issue with the sound testing equipment, because for some reason they always listen to him, but I doubt it will take him very long, and--"
"I apologise for the delay," Seishirou said as he walked into the studio, smooth and insincere, and:
"OH MY GOD!"
Hokuto shrieked, bursting everyone's eardrums as she dropped everything she was holding to point at Seishirou accusingly. Seishirou turned his head, expression going blank for a fraction of a second before he gave a charming smile.
"Hello, Hokuto-chan," he greeted her, infuriatingly pleasant. "It's been a long time. I assume you're our new wardrobe manager?"
"Why are you even here?" she demanded, glaring ferociously. "Why aren't you dead or something?"
"Well done," Fuuma said to Yuuto, impressed despite himself. "I think you've managed to find the one person in all of Tokyo who hates Sakurazuka more than Kanoe does."
"What do you think, jilted lover?" Yuuto suggested, because if he was going to have his day made considerably worse by tension between the band and the staff (for once not involving Fuuma), he was at least going to get some mild entertainment out of it.
"Nah," Fuuma said thoughtfully. "I'm pretty sure Sakurazuka's gay."
"A question I ask myself daily," Seishirou said in answer to Hokuto, obviously amused. "As for why I'm here-- I take it you haven't been told the names of the band members."
Hokuto stared at him, cold and hard, before she sighed and picked the materials she'd dropped up from the floor and shoved them at his chest. "I need to measure you and check your colouring against these and rest of the band, so go stand with the others," she said, curt professionalism reasserting itself, and returned her attention to the wardrobe assistants. "And what are you lot gawking at? I told you to cut that fabric, I don't see those scissors moving!"
Equilibrium was restored, balance settling back into the rhythm of Hokuto's tyranny as she bossed everyone around to do this that and the other, but there was a subtle difference in the atmosphere, an air of stressed tension about Hokuto where before she'd been bubbly and carefree in an oppressive dictatorship kind of way. Seishirou, on the other hand, appeared entirely unconcerned and unaffected, unless you were very good at observing minor details. Fuuma noticed there was the slightest charged hum surrounding his guitar player, an extra edge of guarded wariness.
This had the potential to be very interesting indeed, he mused, with all the manic cheerfulness of a nihilist witnessing the first signs of the apocalypse.
~
Hokuto waited until after the costuming session was over, because she hadn't gotten where she was by being irresponsible and letting personal feelings interrupt with her job, but as soon as Seishirou left, she tailgated him to the back of the building with a glare of steely determination.
"I assume there's a reason you're following me," he said calmly, lighting a cigarette and leaning back against the brick wall.
"Damn right there is," she snapped, hands on her hips. "What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?"
"Smoking, last time I checked," Seishirou informed her, not at all perturbed. "Although I suppose it is possible that I could be mistaken about that, the cigarette in my hands suggests not."
"Oh, ha ha, very funny," Hokuto said, voice dripping in sarcasm. "Don't play dumb, you bastard, you know exactly what I mean."
Seishirou took a drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke out in a slow, meditative fashion. "I wasn't aware I needed your permission to join a band, Hokuto-chan."
"Don't tell me you didn't know precisely what you were doing when you decided to do this," she said sharply. "No one in the music industry hears a thing about you for five years, and then you suddenly show up in the band set up against the one Subaru's in? Yeah, real coincidence there."
"If I would go to the extent of joining a band in order to pursue Subaru-kun, as you're implying," Seishirou responded, very rational, "why would I have left him alone for the past five years?"
"Who the hell even knows why you do anything, you sociopathic lunatic!" she retorted, narrowing her eyes when he opened his mouth to answer, no doubt with something glib. "No, shut up, I'm not finished!"
Seishirou shrugged and motioned generously for her to continue.
And continue she certainly did, having clearly put a lot of thought over the last five years into what she'd say if she ever got the chance to give him a piece of her mind. She yelled at great volume and length, covering a broad range of insults, the fact that he was a dangerous psychotic loony who ought to be locked up somewhere, the fact that she honestly was surprised he hadn't been killed in a gang fight yet, the fact that she would quite like to kill him herself if she didn't know it'd upset Subaru and that if he hurt Subaru again she would totally do it, she's not kidding, and she'll never forgive him for what he did to her brother--
Seishirou didn't interrupt her once during her vehement ranting, just quietly smoked his cigarette as it burned down slowly. She would have thought he wasn't listening, but his expression was politely attentive, not at all bored.
Not at all repentant or guilty, either, but it's not like she'd expected that, so she ploughed on through her tirade, in the process saying a lot more that Subaru would be comfortable with if he'd known. She didn't notice how the polite attentiveness shifted to intent speculation on Seishirou's face, too caught up in her righteous indignation.
"-- and god, haven't you done enough yet? Can't you let it go already? Just because you hate Subaru it doesn't mean that you--"
"When did I ever say I hated Subaru-kun?" Seishirou cut her off, frown small but intense, and Hokuto stopped talking mid-sentence.
She blinked, completely derailed.
"You don't?" she said blankly. "But, seriously, did you need to say so? I mean, I would have thought it was obvious from the way you… don't you?"
"… No."
"Wait, wait, are we talking now, as in you've got over it and moved on? Or are you seriously saying…"
"I never hated Subaru-kun," Seishirou said, as if this were an entirely reasonable thing for someone in his situation to be saying. "Does Subaru-kun think I hate him?"
"Uh, yeah," she said, in a voice that suggested she was thinking, 'oh my god, only now am I truly beginning to understand the enormity of your emotional retardation, you freak'. "What with the way you, you know. Broke his heart and his arm and everything."
"I see," Seishirou answered, speaking mostly to himself, and then eyed her thoughtfully, gaze heavy and considering. "You've only yelled at me about your brother so far, Hokuto-chan. You're not angry on your own behalf?"
"I could forgive you for that." Hokuto's eyes bore unwaveringly into his, looking back at him with unusual gravity. "If that's what Subaru wanted. It's hurting Subaru that's unforgivable."
There was a long silence.
"You shouldn't smoke," she added finally. "It's bad for your vocal chords."
Seishirou dropped the cigarette butt and ground it beneath his heel. "I play guitar," he told her, and Hokuto gave a small, peculiar smile, eyes strangely sad.
"Yeah," she said quietly. "Of course you do."
He didn't say anything when she walked away.
~
The first thing Hokuto did when she got back to the hotel where Garden of Eden were currently staying at the Princess company's considerable expense was burst into Subaru's suite yelling, "Oh my god, Subaru, you will never ever guess what just happened--"
She stopped when she noticed that Subaru was sitting curled up in the chair pale and shaken, looking as though he'd seen a ghost, and realised that the shocking news she'd intended to impart may have already imparted itself.
"Nee-san," he said, sounding utterly shell-shocked. "Nee-san, Seishirou-san, he…"
"Yeah, I know," she sighed, crossing the room to lean over the back of his chair, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and propping her chin on his head. "He's in Angels of the Sepulchre. I'd just come to tell you the same thing, but it looks like someone beat me to it."
"I saw him," Subaru said numbly, and Hokuto's arms tightened around him.
"When?" she demanded, fiercely protective. Seishirou hadn't said anything about that. "Where? If he lied, so help me, I will feed him his intestines…"
"Shibuya, on the big screen," Subaru said automatically, and started when Hokuto's words filtered through. "You talked to him?"
"I'm working with him," she admitted grumpily, somewhat mollified now she was reassured that Seishirou hadn't sought out Subaru in person yet. "Not that I knew that until I ran into the jerk. And yeah, I talked to him. Yelled at him about being a stalker. Whatever."
Subaru flinched. "Hokuto, you shouldn't have," he protested. "It's just coincidence, he probably didn't even know I was--"
"Like hell! He basically admitted it!"
"-- in the band and-- what?" Subaru twisted around to stare at her. "Don't be silly, he wouldn't… would he?"
"He would and he did," Hokuto said bluntly.
Inwardly she wasn't sure how to feel. Subaru's reaction confirmed what she pretty much already knew: he wasn't over Seishirou, he still loved the whack job, and he would probably continue to be depressed and miserable and lonely until something happened to resolve the situation with said whack job. More surprisingly, Seishirou's feeling were not hatred or indifference as she'd previously suspected; she didn't know what the hell they were, but she had her hunches, and if she was right Subaru had more than a chance.
Which should theoretically be good, but on the other hand…
Well, did she really want her baby brother any more at the mercy of someone like Seishirou than he had to be? Honestly, if that was Seishirou's idea of showing affection…
"Why couldn't you fall in love with someone normal?" she said despairingly. "You've always got to do things the hard way."
Subaru gave a startled squeak, turning a very violent shade of red. "I'm not, I mean, I don't, I…!"
Still, too late now. If there was even a chance Subaru could be happy, Hokuto would do everything she could to get that for him.
"Don't worry, Subaru!" she announced, flinging her arms around him in a reassuring hug that made him gag slightly. "Sei-chan's a freak who takes killing with love to a whole new level, but if he's the one you want, leave it to Nee-san!"
"Hokutoooooo!"
Subaru's mortified wails went sadly ignored, Hokuto talking over the top of him about all her plans for he and Seishirou with renewed vigour, and it was almost like the last five years had never happened but for the scars that lingered still.
~ CHAPTER THREE ~
I first met Seishirou-san when I was…Um, well, probably the best place to start is my first year of high school. Hokuto and I had just moved to Tokyo from Kyoto, where we'd been living since our parents had died when we were twelve. Seishirou-san was a third year at our new school. He was very popular and polite and smart and on good terms with all the teachers, but though there were a lot of people who admired him, he didn't exactly have friends. That's what people told Hokuto and I, anyway; for some reason Seishirou-san took an interest in us and went out of his way to spend time with us.
I've always been shy, and transferring into an elevator school where everybody else already knew each other didn't help. Seishirou-san was my only friend aside from my sister, and so we became quite close, though I didn't know why Seishirou-san would want to spend so much time with me.
~
Subaru was fifteen years old, painfully introverted, and almost pathetically thankful that his new school in Tokyo had a school uniform. As much as he loved his sister, he had enough trouble making friends without worrying about people wanting to beat him up for the clothes she made him wear.
Of course, they'd probably end up wanting to beat him up anyway because he was polite, shy, and more feminine than his twin sister, who rather than getting beaten up beat up other people (usually for picking on Subaru), but he generally preferred not to give them any more reasons than he had to.
Threats of being beat on aside (because Hokuto usually dealt with those in fairly short order, even the toughest Yankees being weirdly afraid of her), Subaru still didn't tend to make many friends. He missed a lot of school to play in violin recitals and teach lessons, and that didn't really help either. He'd had acquaintances, mostly girls, who would smile at him and say hi if they passed in the corridor and sometimes gave him notes when he missed classes, but no one you would actually call a friend aside from his sister.
So, in conclusion: Subaru failed at making friends in middle school, and he was completely prepared to continue failing at doing so in high school.
(That's their loss, Subaru! Hokuto always said.
That doesn't make me feel any better, he didn't tell her.)
That was why he was so surprised that, when he ran into a tall, handsome boy who was obviously athletic and popular and dropped all his books on his third day at the new school, the other boy didn't roll his eyes or swear or walk away and instead smiled and helped him pick everything up.
"You might hurt yourself next time, if you don't watch where you're going," he said, still smiling as he handed Subaru's books back. "You should be more careful."
"T-thanks," Subaru stuttered, turning pink and forgetting all about the reason he'd been running in the first place (i.e. he was already ten minutes late to his next class). "I, uh. I'm sorry about running into you, um…"
"Sakurazuka Seishirou," the boy supplied helpfully. "Please, call me Seishirou."
"Seishirou-san," Subaru finished, and bowed, much politer and more formal than other boys his age, and wondered if he should have used sempai instead. It was too late now, though, and Seishirou didn't seem bothered, so he decided to stick to san. "Sumeragi Subaru. I'm very pleased to meet you."
"The pleasure's all mine," Seishirou said smoothly. "You're a first year, aren't you? Don't you have science now?"
Subaru stared at him blankly for a moment before turning pale. "Oh, no, sensei will kill me," he said in dismay, looking frantically down at his watch. "Excuse me, I have to go."
"See you later, Subaru-kun," Seishirou called after him as he ran off again, raising his hand in parting, but Subaru had thought that was the end of it. An older year student had been friendly to him; unusual, but ultimately no big deal. He was probably a student rep, or something, and was nice to everybody.
Which showed exactly how much Subaru knew, because next thing he was aware of, Seishirou was sitting with him and Hokuto at lunch and joining him whenever they had the same free periods. It was bizarre, not in a bad way, to have someone's attention so focused on him; he didn't know quite how to react, flustered at having someone like Seishirou show so much interest in him and amazed that Seishirou thought him worth spending time with.
"Don't you know who that is?" a girl in his class asked incredulously one day, and Subaru felt self-conscious all over again. "That's Sakurazuka-sempai. He's like, the most popular guy in the school because he's hot and nice and like, really really smart, but he doesn't ever hang out with anyone, you know?"
Her gaze was speculative and critically assessing, the same way a lot of his classmates had started to look; part what does he even see in you (I don't know either), and part wow, you must really be something (not really, I have no idea why he likes me).
Hokuto was utterly delighted, which would have been perfectly understandable had she not insisted on making loud cackling jokes about Subaru being Seishirou's future bride, completely impervious to Subaru hissing her name in mortified horror. For some reason Seishirou-san likes me and wants to hang out with me, he tried to convey to her, so please don't freak him out and make him think I'm weird!
The really strange thing was that not only did Seishirou not mind the jokes, he played along, and Subaru wasn't sure whether to be grateful or die on the spot when the other students stared.
~
Hokuto… pushed Seishirou-san and I at each other, quite forcefully. I was confused and didn't really know how I felt, and it only made me more flustered when Seishirou-san would carry on the joke and flirt with me.
~
"Sei-chan, you pervert! I see you've been flirting without a chaperone again! When're you going to make an honest bride of my brother, huh?"
"Hokuto!"
"Ah, but how could a poor student like me ever hope to be worthy of Subaru-kun? I would not dare to presume that he'd accept my proposal!"
Subaru's immediate mental response was a protest-- I'm only a student too, and your marks are better than mine and everyone admires you, so if anything I'm not worthy of you, but that was embarrassing and taking a joke too seriously and he didn't even know why he thought it, so he didn't say that.
Would you ever really want to marry me? That was the next thing to mind. Except that was just weird, so he didn't say that either.
"Seishirou-san!"
Which left him pretty well speechless, really.
Sometimes when he was bored or distracted in class (a lot more frequently than he used to be at his old school) he'd think about Seishirou and wonder what he'd do if it weren't just teasing. If Seishirou actually liked him, or tried to kiss him, or…
Then Subaru would blush, cheeks hot and ears burning, and force himself to pay attention to his work, confused and uneasy and not sure why he'd thought that or what the queasy butterfly feeling in his stomach meant, and wouldn't notice the way a few of the girls in his class who were paying far more attention to him than the whiteboard would giggle or sigh and draw love hearts in their note paper.
(He'd never realise just how many of those girls-- and some of those boys-- who wouldn't come close enough to be friends with him were happily nursing crushes from afar.)
Of course Seishirou didn't really mean it. That was just silly.
Right?
~
Seishirou-san quickly noticed, of course, that I missed school a lot, and he knew I wasn't skipping or sick, so it wasn't long before I told him that I was teaching violin and playing at concerts. Father was a concert violinist; grandmother wanted me to follow in his footsteps.
Hokuto was the one who told him that it wasn't what I wanted, though.
~
Seishirou was waiting at the school gates when Subaru came back from a concert, leaning casually against the building with a bag slung over his shoulder and a pile of notes in his arms. Subaru slowed as he approached the gates, confusion written on his face and grip slackening a little on the violin case he was carrying.
"Seishirou-san?"
He'd thought Seishirou had class now, but he must have been mistaken. Even so, it didn't really explain why Seishirou was here, and-- if he was actually waiting for Subaru-- how he knew when and where to wait.
"Here," Seishirou said, unhurried as he handed the stack of paper over to Subaru, and Subaru accepted them, utterly mystified. "These are the notes from all the classes you've missed this week."
Subaru blinked, feeling adrift and like he'd missed something. "How did you…?"
"Your teachers and classmates were very helpful," Seishirou told him. Subaru wasn't sure whether he was referring to finding out which classes Subaru had missed or in getting the notes for those classes or both. Probably both. "Kimura-sensei said to tell you that she hopes the concert went well."
Subaru hadn't realised Kimura-sensei even knew who he was, let alone that he played violin professionally, but he supposed it was the kind of thing his grandmother had to tell the school. That would make sense.
"That's nice of her," he said weakly. "Um. I'll have to say thank you. Seishirou-san…"
"Yes, Subaru-kun?"
Seishirou's smile was relaxed, not at all expectant or accusing, and yet somehow Subaru felt very bad about not saying something about his violin playing earlier and like he should explain. He wasn't quite sure what to do or say, not having been in this kind of situation before. The only other person who'd ever done anything like this for him was Hokuto, but now Seishirou was going out of his ways to get the notes Subaru was too shy to ask anybody for (and how did Seishirou know that?), even meeting him at the gates when he came back to the school grounds.
He thought about asking if Seishirou had known about the violin before he'd gone to get Subaru's notes, but decided it didn't really matter.
"Thank you," he said, a little awkwardly. "Grandmother wants me to play violin professionally like my father did before he… before he passed away, but it means I miss a lot of school and it's not always easy to get the notes, so… thank you."
"Anything for you, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said cheerfully, managing to sound sincere rather than flippant and succeeding in dyeing Subaru's cheeks a very vivid red. "You must be very good at violin to play at concerts. I'd like to hear you some time."
"Not that good," Subaru protested, staring down at the ground in embarrassment. "I'm okay, I guess. Not as good as Father was."
"Oh, I'm sure you are," Seishirou said, an odd layer of certainty and something Subaru couldn't quite identify in his voice, but it was only there for a moment so Subaru shrugged it off as his imagination. "You're too modest for someone so talented."
Subaru blushed brighter, eyes darting up to meet Seishirou's gaze. "But you haven't heard me play yet!"
"You have other talents," Seishirou pointed out, unruffled and unwavering. "And even if I haven't heard you play violin, I'm still confident that you're very good, Subaru-kun."
The lunch bell rang then, saving Subaru from having to find a response to that, but he was less relieved once they joined Hokuto and the conversation stayed very stubbornly on Subaru and his musical talent.
"You brought Subaru his notes? Ohohoho! What a considerate fiancé you are, Sei-chan!" Hokuto greeted them, and proceeded to regale Seishirou at great length with tales of her brother's legendary musical prowess, ignoring all Subaru's pleas for her to stop.
"It sounds like he'll be very famous one day," Seishirou said, playing along with Hokuto as always. "Don't you think so, Hokuto-chan?"
"Duh, if he has to be," she said dismissively. "He doesn't actually want to be a concert violinist, right, Subaru? He just can't say no to Grandmother."
Seishirou's gaze was unusually intent on him. "You don't enjoy playing violin, Subaru-kun?"
"It's not that," Subaru objected, shrinking under the weight of Hokuto's enthusiasm and Seishirou's attention. "I like music, I just…"
"He just doesn't like the classical concert bit," Hokuto jumped in, talking over the top of him as he found himself lost for words to explain and trailed off. "He wants to play something different, something you can sing to! Do you play an instrument, Sei-chan?"
"I play a little piano," Seishirou said modestly. "But I'm not as good as Subaru-kun, of course."
"Oh, don't be silly, I bet you're great!" Hokuto exclaimed, waving his excuses aside. "You and Subaru should play together sometime! Hey, what about singing? Can you sing? You can, can't you, I can tell!"
Which was how Subaru had ended up playing with Seishirou the first time, Seishirou and Hokuto the combined driving forces behind his major life decisions as they always were.
~
Hokuto persuaded me to start a garage band with Seishirou-san, and he agreed with her. It was what I wanted, secretly, the way I'd never wanted to play classical violin like my father had, so I went along with it.
~
As the final notes of Seishirou's piano piece faded away and Subaru was left staring with speechless puppy-eyed adoration, Hokuto whooped loudly.
"All right, Sei-chan! You guys will be great together!" she said, one foot up on the piano stool and arms flung out dramatically. She was practically sparkling. "You'll be able to write all your own songs and everything, Subaru, just like you've always wanted!"
"But, I can't, I," Subaru stammered, snapping back into the conversation and staring wide-eyed and nervous at his sister. "I'm nowhere near as good as Seishirou-san, and Grandmother…"
"Oh, who cares? Grandmother can disapprove all she likes, you shouldn't let it stop you from doing what you want," Hokuto said, crossing her arms defiantly. "Don't let her make you feel like you have to, you never do anything for yourself."
"But Hokuto-chan--"
"Grandmother is a complete dragon," Hokuto told Seishirou confidingly. "She'd be horrified if Subaru took his classical training and started an indie band. In fact, the only way she'd disapprove any more is if he eloped with one of the Sakurazukamori!"
"Really?" Seishirou said mildly. "But Subaru-kun wouldn't do that, would he?"
"Well, Sei-chan," Hokuto said, tone still light and amused but her eyes fixed on Seishirou in a strangely sharp stare. "Your family name is Sakurazuka, isn't it? Maybe you're related to the Sakurazukamori clan!"
"Hokuto!" Subaru exclaimed, mildly horrified. "Of course Seishirou-san isn't, you shouldn't say something like that!"
"Why not? He could be!" She grinned with more than a hint of teeth. "How are you with a gun, Sei-chan?"
Seishirou met her eyes steadily, still smiling self-deprecatingly, but if you looked closer maybe there was just a hint of mockery to meet the challenge lurking in Hokuto's own feral grin. "I'm afraid I'd have to have tried to shoot a gun to know for sure, Hokuto-chan."
"Aw, too bad, it would have been so romantic. Forbidden love! Just like Romeo and Juliet, the Montagues and the Capulets!" Hokuto declared. "The Sumeragi and the Sakurazukamori!"
"But Romeo and Juliet died," Subaru mumbled miserably, going unheard. "Hokuto…"
"How does a musical family make such dangerous enemies, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou asked, voice filled with innocent concern. "I never thought you would be the type of person who'd be mixed up with a mafia family."
"My… our parents were killed by the Sakurazukamori, when Father was here for a concert," Subaru admitted, a little reluctantly. "But I don't know why."
"Perhaps they were simply caught in the cross-fire," Seishirou suggested. "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Of course you are, Sei-chan," Hokuto said evenly, but if Subaru had looked at her in that moment, he would have seen something dark in her eyes. "Now, what about this band, huh?"
~
I wasn't expecting it to go anywhere, really, because I'm not that good, but Seishirou-san is and he was then too, and he got us a minor record deal. I still don't know how. Though, I guess… in retrospect I'm not surprised that he'd have contacts.
We were more successful than I ever thought we would be, though our music only really spread in the underground indie scene. That was okay, since I wasn't really interested in going mainstream anyway. Being famous has never been something I've really wanted, but I guess it's a bit late to complain about that now.
~
"Record deal?" Subaru repeated blankly. "We have a record deal? How…?"
"I sent in the demo disc we recorded," Seishirou said, and Subaru's stomach flipped at the smile Seishirou flashed at him. "It's not a major label, but I thought you'd prefer something more low key anyway, at least to start."
"They really… us?"
"They want us to start recording on Monday," Seishirou said reassuringly, and reached over to ruffle Subaru's hair. "The man I talked to was very impressed with your voice."
Subaru turned red, both from the physical contact and from the compliment. "Do you really think it'll work out?"
"How could anybody not love you, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou asked, and much, much later, Subaru would think, you should know, Seishirou-san.
~
Seishirou-san and I spent just a little under a year together, nine months of that recording. We had a gig in one of the more dangerous parts of Tokyo the night after his graduation; it went well enough until we were leaving and were attacked by one of the local gangs.
One of the gang members went to our school, in the grade above me. I never saw him again, but… well, it could have been a coincidence. He was in a gang, after all, and he never really attended class very much anyway, so no one really noticed when he stopped completely.
~
"The crowd is big tonight, don't you think, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou said, helping Subaru pack up his violin. "It's a good way to celebrate the release of our first album."
Subaru nodded, frantically gulping down water from the drink bottle Seishirou had handed him a moment ago. "Yes," he gasped, when he had air again. "And… your graduation, Seishirou-san, congratulations."
"And my graduation," Seishirou agreed, as though this were an inconsequential sidenote. "Don't drink too quickly, you don't want to make yourself sick."
Subaru was already flushed with exertion, hair curling damply against his cheeks and sweat stinging his eyes, so thankfully he was spared for once from an embarrassing blush.
"Sorry," he apologised, still panting a little, and scrubbed his hand across the bridge of his nose, clammy palms skidding uselessly against equally slippery skin and pushing the hair plastered stickily to his overheated face out of feverishly bright eyes. "Here, there's still some left."
He handed the drink bottle to Seishirou, who looked unfairly relaxed and unaffected, the only hint of physical exertion a slight sheen of sweat glistening on his skin and dampening his hair. He wasn't even breathing hard.
Wordlessly, Seishirou accepted the bottle back, only taking a single sip before he pushed the cap back down and returned it to his bag, taking a towel out at the same time and throwing it to Subaru.
"Thanks," Subaru said gratefully, voice muffled by the towel his face was buried in. Stuffing the towel back in their bag, he stretched his arms, watching Seishirou quickly run the other towel he'd pulled out over his face. "Do you know where Hokuto is?"
"She said she'd meet us out the front," Seishirou said, zipping the bag closed and slinging it over his shoulder, adjusting the straps automatically. "Let's leave, shall we? We wouldn't want to keep her waiting, after all."
Subaru grabbed his violin case and they went out the backstage exit to avoid the crowds of people in the bar. The back exit opened on to an alley behind the building which connected to the main street Hokuto was waiting on, and had Subaru known what would happen next, he would have chosen to brave the hordes of people making him feel claustrophobic.
He didn't know why the gang attacked them; if it was personal, if it was territorial, if they had some deep-seated loathing of indie bands in general or Subaru and Seishirou's band in particular. Maybe they just didn't like the way Subaru and Seishirou looked, in which case that was the story of Subaru's life, so far as bullies were concerned.
Whatever the reason, though, one minute he was following Seishirou out into the alley, and the next minute there was yelling and a group of teenagers were on top of them. Subaru was dimly aware of Seishirou blocking punches to both of them, but in a moment of crystal clarity, the sharp steel of a blade driving towards him filled up his vision, seemingly travelling much slower than it actually was as the adrenalin flooded his system.
Even though he could have moved, however, could have dodged, could have grabbed the wrist of the boy holding the knife, he froze, self-preservation instincts overridden. His low self-esteem was rooted in a much deeper disregard for self, a subconscious belief that he lacked worth as a person and perhaps guilt that he had lived when his parents had died, and he simply stood still as the knife that could easily kill him plunged toward his head.
Until Seishirou knocked him out of the way, and the knife meant for Subaru slashed deeply into Seishirou's arm.
"Seishirou-san!" Subaru screamed, dropping to his knees beside Seishirou and trying helplessly to stem the blood flow with his hands as the bright red liquid gushed from the wound, dyeing them both a gruesome scarlet. "Seishirou-san, don't die, please don't…"
He could hear more yelling, someone from the building they'd come from crying out, the teenagers swearing ("Shit, cops! Run!"), and soon he could hear sirens, but for Subaru, desperately pressing his hands down on the deep gash, there was only Seishirou.
It took Hokuto to pry him away from Seishirou when the ambulance arrived, her arms tightening around him in a hug uncaring of the way Seishirou's blood, soaking Subaru's clothes and skin, was staining her own clothes.
"Shh, it's okay," she said soothingly, but her face was stark white. "He'll be okay, don't worry, it looks worse than it is, I swear…"
"Nee-san," Subaru sobbed, burying his face in her shoulder. "Nee-san, I l-love him and I haven't told him and what if he d-dies?"
"I know," she said gently, stroking his hair, and if he'd looked up he would have seen the worry in her eyes. "I know you do, Subaru."
~
Seishirou-san had been hurt for me. I didn't know if he'd hate me, if he'd been hurt so badly he wouldn't be able to play piano again, if I'd still see him now that he'd graduated. I'd realised how much Seishirou-san meant to me, and I decided to tell him how I felt before it was too late. Maybe it was always too late. Either way, he beat me to it.
~
Seishirou had been discharged from hospital fairly quickly, so Subaru decided to visit him at home. Seishirou lived by himself (Mother often has business to attend to, Seishirou had said, and he'd never explained where his father was), so when there was no answer, Subaru's worry overrode his inherent politeness and he let himself into the unlocked apartment.
The room he walked into was very dim, all the shades drawn, and it took Subaru a moment for his eyes to adjust. When they did, he let out a small, involuntary gasp; Seishirou was sitting in an armchair on the other side of the room, legs loosely crossed with his left ankle resting on his right knee. Instead of his usual uniform or jeans, he was wearing a black suit, complete with a black tie and dark sunglasses, despite the gloom. There was a mocking smirk hovering on his lips, and in his lap, his hands were curved lovingly around the grip and barrel of a shotgun.
"S-Seishirou-san…?" Subaru said uncertainly, and Seishirou's smirk took on an extra edge of condescension.
"Subaru-kun," he said, dark amusement turning the familiar voice into something foreign, something rich and dangerous. "I was expecting you."
"Seishirou-san, what…" Subaru started, trailing off with a flinch when the cuff of Seishirou's sleeve shifted and he caught sight of the bandage. "I don't understand, why are you…"
"I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed," Seishirou continued, uncrossing his legs slowly. "I thought you would have remembered by now. Then again, I suppose repression is a very powerful thing, isn't it?"
I don't understand what you're saying, Subaru tried to say, but the words died in his throat as Seishirou stood, stepping closer and pressing the gun almost affectionately to Subaru's temple.
"Let's play a little game, Subaru-kun," he murmured, and the gun made a loud clicking noise as he released the safety catch. "Do you like to gamble?"
Subaru's eyes widened, glazed and frightened as forgotten trauma flooded back, triggered by Seishirou's words, by the cool metal of the gun against his head, by the sound of the safety catch. He was thrown back three and a half years ago, to when he was twelve and staring in horror at the bloody corpses of his parents lying on the floor, gun shot still ringing his ears and throat raw from screaming. The woman who had shot them stood across the room from him, painted lips tilted in a small, cold smile and eyes piercing into him. She was beautiful in a cruel and terrifying way, long black hair streaming down her back and the bright red blood of Subaru's parents staining her flawless pale skin with crimson.
"You're the Sumeragi boy," she said, voice low and melodic and certain. "Subaru, isn't it?"
Past the point where he could even scream, Subaru gave a small, petrified nod, breath coming short and shallow and heartbeat racing like a scared rabbit. "Why," he forced out, voice cracking, "why are you…"
She gave him a considering look. "This is why you should always know what you're dealing with, child," she said archly, and stepped toward him, heels clicking on the tiled floor. "Ignorance is rarely bliss, despite what some would have you believe."
The woman raised her gun and Subaru swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut. This was it, this was the end, and he wished fleetingly he'd stayed with Grandmother like Hokuto had before another voice interrupted his thoughts, a smooth male voice.
"Mother."
"Seishirou. I didn't realise you were still here."
Subaru opened his eyes tentatively, meeting the amused gaze of a teenage boy a few years older than him.
"Mother, let me deal with him," the older boy said, self-assured and not at all childish, and the woman sighed.
"You and your games," she said indulgently, and holstered her gun. "Have your fun, Seishirou. I expect you'll be home for dinner?"
"Of course, Mother," Seishirou said calmly, and as his mother left the room, he crossed to where Subaru's dead parents lay, dipping his fingers thoughtfully in the pool of congealing blood before he turned to look at Subaru again. "Mother said your name is Subaru. You don't mind if I call you Subaru-kun, do you?"
Subaru could only manage a frightened squeak, unable to drag his eyes away from Seishirou's hypnotic gaze.
"Good, I'm glad," Seishirou said mockingly, and walked over to Subaru, gun passing idly between his bloody hands. "Now, Subaru-kun-- let's play a little game, shall we?"
Seishirou's left hand rose to curl tenderly along the curve of Subaru's jaw, painting Subaru's skin with his parents' mingled blood, and the click the gun made when Seishirou flicked the safety catch with his thumb echoed through the room.
"Do you like to gamble?" Seishirou asked, pressing the cold steel of the gun to Subaru's head. "Let's make a bet. I'll let you live for now, but we'll meet again, and when we do, I'll give you a year to make me reconsider killing you. For a year, we'll be friends; I'll be anything you want me to be, but only for that year, and if I still don't care about you at the end of it, then I'll kill you. Doesn't that sound like fun? It's much more interesting than Russian Roulette. That's nothing but mathematical probability, after all."
Let's play a game, Subaru-kun.
Snapping back to the present, Subaru stared at Seishirou with eyes filled with horrified betrayal. "You… you're one of the Sakurazukamori…?"
"So you do remember, after all," Seishirou said, and Subaru was very careful not to move when the barrel of the gun pressed harder. "Unfortunately, you're out of time, and I still haven't changed my mind. You know, Subaru-kun, I could kill you as easily as I could break a glass."
Subaru closed his eyes, drew a shuddering breath and willed futilely for the tears not to spill down his cheeks. "Are you going to?"
There was a short pause, and then the pressure of the gun was gone. Confused, Subaru opened his eyes, but behind the shaded glasses, Seishirou's expression was completely unreadable.
"That would be too easy," he said finally, and returned the gun to its holster. "This game has outlived its interest."
And that was probably the exact moment that Subaru's heart, already cracking, completely shattered: he wasn't even worth the effort of killing.
"Seishirou-san," Subaru said pleadingly, reaching out as Seishirou walked past him, and Seishirou's hand grabbed Subaru's arm in a steel tight grip that made the younger boy yelp in pain, expression not changing at all as he wrenched and dislocated Subaru's shoulder in a single swift yank, unmoved by the way Subaru screamed and fell to his knees.
"Exactly like breaking a cup," Seishirou said, dispassionate and mocking. "Goodbye, Subaru-kun."
He left Subaru crumpled on the floor, curled up in agony and despair, and didn't hear the words Subaru choked out in a broken whisper through the tears.
"I love you, Seishirou-san. I just wanted you to know."
~
After that, I… my sister…
~
Hokuto had found Subaru several hours later, partially through intuition and partially because she knew her twin as well as she did. By the time she discovered him, curled up in a foetal position on the ground nursing his injured arm, he was completely unresponsive, eyes blank and unseeing like his brain had completely shut itself off to escape the pain.
Somehow, she didn't think it was the physical pain he was running from.
She'd called an ambulance to take Subaru to hospital, because his shoulder needed to be relocated, and light as his frame was she didn't think she could realistically carry him onto the train and to the hospital herself, at least not without making it worse. She waited with him until the ambulance came, cradling him in her lap, and when they asked what had happened she told them her brother was in an abusive relationship, which was true so far as she was concerned.
She went with him to the hospital, stayed with him while they relocated his shoulder and remained by his side until they decided to keep him in.
"His arm will be fine," the doctor informed her, "but he's clearly suffering from severe mental trauma. We should probably keep him here until he starts responding again."
"Thank you," Hokuto said, quiet and grave, and hesitated for a moment. "This… isn't the first time," she added reluctantly.
The doctor frowned. "You said he's in an abusive relationship. This has happened before?"
"Not exactly. Our parents were killed when we were twelve. He saw them being murdered and he was like this then, too."
"I see," the doctor said, sympathy filling his voice, and Hokuto had to look away.
"Excuse me," she told him. "I have to inform our grandmother."
So she did. She rang their grandmother, and when the phone picked up and she heard the formidable lady herself say hello, Hokuto said, "Subaru's in hospital," and hung up.
Now wasn't the time for explanations, just as it wasn't the time for self-recrimination. Hokuto went back to Subaru's room to hug him before she left and caught a train back to their apartment, not stopping at all except to grab a handgun from the bottom drawer of her bedside table, loading it with quick, expert movements.
She'd hoped that Seishirou would fall into his own trap and end up caring about Subaru the way Subaru cared about him. She'd hoped he would help protect Subaru, rather than destroy him. Hell, she'd been hoping for Romeo and Juliet without the tragic ending, and she got something ten times worse; she'd been hoping for the impossible.
She'd been stupid, and Subaru had paid for it.
It was the second time Hokuto had failed Subaru, and that was something she was painfully aware of. After the first time he'd cheated death at the hands of the Sakurazukamori, she'd vowed to protect him and done everything she could to ensure she was safe, but in the end she'd let one of the Sakurazukamori get too close out of misguided optimism.
She wouldn't let it happen a third time. She wasn't stupid enough to think she could kill Seishirou-- she knew his reputation; the underworld had a healthy and respectful fear of him that was particularly impressive given his age-- but she thought maybe she could offer him a deal: Subaru's life for hers.
She was the Sumeragi heir, after all. It was more than fair.
It took her two weeks to track down Seishirou, calling in favours from all the mafia connections that owed her or her family. She eventually found him because he had for whatever reason decided to allow himself to be found, and when she confronted him, he was more than ready for her.
"Hokuto-chan," he greeted her smoothly. "How pleasant to see you. What can I do for you?"
"Leave Subaru alone," Hokuto snapped, not in the mood for small talk. "If this is about revenge? Kill me and leave him out of it. He has nothing to do with it."
"I am aware of that, yes," Seishirou said. "You would go so far as to die instead of him? That's an unusual trade, the Sumeragi heir for a brother who cannot even take her place."
"The family can go to hell," she said bluntly. "I couldn't protect Subaru the last two times you hurt him. I'll do whatever it takes to make you leave him alone from now on."
"If you die, there'll be no one to protect him," Seishirou pointed out, lips quirking slightly at her flinch. "You'd place that much faith in a promise from me? You know I'm a very good liar, Hokuto-chan."
"Do I have a choice?" she said, bitterness seeping into her voice. "I don't know why you let him live this time, but I do know you'd never let him be this easily. It's the Sumeragi family your feud is with, not Subaru. Just leave him alone."
Seishirou didn't respond for a moment, tilting his head contemplatively. "You are right about one thing," he conceded. "It's not over quite yet. You've made a fundamental error, however. This has nothing to do with revenge; it's all about Subaru-kun. I thought you of all people would have realised that."
Hokuto had time only to curse mentally that she'd misread the situation and wonder what was motivating Seishirou if not the feud between the Sumeragi and Sakurazuka families when the gunshot rang through the air, pain piercing her chest and blossoming out like fire as she fell to the pavement.
I'm sorry, Subaru, she thought, as her she started to lose feeling in her arms and legs. I've failed you again.
The last thing she was aware of before everything went black was the distant sound of sirens.
~
She would have died if the bullet had been an inch lower. I don't think he missed by accident, but I don't know why he'd do it on purpose, either.
My grandmother told me the truth after that. I think maybe Hokuto already knew.
~
Subaru had woken out of his vegetative state at almost the precise moment the bullet tore through Hokuto's chest, compelled by the same instinctive sense of his twin's suffering that had driven Hokuto to find him in Seishirou's deserted apartment.
He'd found out soon enough what had happened when the doctors came to inform him, as next of kin, that his sister was in the intensive care unit. Words like "extremely lucky" and "very close to her heart" and "lost a lot of blood" were uttered, along with talk of blood transfusions, and Subaru said if they needed blood they could take it from him. We're nearly identical, he said stupidly, as if they couldn't see that for themselves, because it was the only thing he could think of.
Their grandmother came to see them both, though Hokuto was not allowed visitors yet, and Subaru asked her desperately how his sister was.
"They won't tell me anything," he said miserably. "I don't know if she's dying. They don't want to talk to me about it in case it upsets me."
His grandmother folded her hands in her lap. "She was very badly injured," she said gravely. "But the shot was very precise. They believe it will not cause any long-term damage, aside from scarring and some chronic pain."
Subaru was certain, without knowing how he knew, that Seishirou would never miss accidentally, which meant that he'd missed on purpose. That just raised more questions than it answered, though, and all he could think was that Seishirou had intended it as a warning of some sort.
But why?
"Grandmother," he said slowly. "Grandmother, the woman who killed Mother and Father said that 'ignorance is rarely bliss'. Do you know what she meant by that?"
His grandmother went perfectly still, the silence stretching out between them until he started to grow nervous.
"… Grandmother?"
"So you remember now," she said finally, voice heavy. "I had hoped you never would."
"Grandmother, please tell me what's going on," he said, voice gaining a steely strength that was very uncharacteristic of him, and his grandmother sighed wearily.
"Subaru. The Sumeragi family is one of the oldest mafia families in Japan, as old as the Sakurazuka clan," she said, eyes boring into his. "My son did not wish to be associated with this lifestyle, however, and requested that I, as the head of the Sumeragi clan, leave he and his family out of all such matters so his children could have a normal upbringing. I did as he asked, asking only that he continue to allow me contact with my grandchildren so long as I did not involve them in any of the clan business."
She paused, taking in Subaru's stunned expression.
"The Sakurazuka clan was not so accommodating. My eldest son, your uncle, had been responsible for the death of the cousin of the current Sakurazukamori. She, in return, killed your parents to send a message to myself and the rest of the family."
Lady Sumeragi could still remember the fierce rage of the twelve-year-old girl in her care when the news had reached them, anger burning through her despair at the loss of her parents, and the way Hokuto had demanded to be told everything.
She had always known it was a mistake to try and hide the truth from her grandchildren, but it had been her son's greatest wish. Hokuto had been insistent, though, and the Lady Sumeragi had eventually decided to tell her. Hokuto's immediate response had, unpredictably, been to redirect her fury towards her father for what she saw as his irresponsibility. He buried his hand in the sand, she'd yelled, hands clenched into fists. Like pretending it wasn't happening would make it go away! He just made us more vulnerable by leaving us unable to protect ourselves! He couldn't protect us, and now Mother is dead and Subaru is hurt!
I won't be like him. I'm going to protect Subaru. Teach me to be the next Sumeragi, Grandmother.
So she had, and now she wondered if she'd done the right thing. With one twin in a coma and the other emotionally damaged, could she really say she hadn't failed?
Subaru still had not said a word. Unsurprisingly, it seemed he was having trouble processing what she'd told him. She and Hokuto had decided not to tell him before or force him to remember the memories he'd repressed to let him preserve his innocence and gentle nature, but perhaps that had been yet another mistake to pile upon the countless others she had made over the years.
"Please forgive me," she said quietly, placing her hand over his on the sheets for a moment before she left the room to allow him some time to himself.
Left alone in the hospital room that felt more empty now than it had before his grandmother had come, Subaru sank listlessly back down into his pillows.
"I wish someone had told me sooner," he told the ceiling, but no one answered.
~
I wish someone had told me sooner.
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