(no subject)
Title: Hogswatch Cheer
Fandom: Discworld RP
Pairings: Imp/Adrian
Genre: Unrepentent sap
Word Count: 1,146
Notes: Christmas fic for minkhollow, 2006.
Summary: Adrian hates Hogswatch. No, really. And no, Skazz, that's NOT because he has no Hogswatch spirit. (Okay, maybe it is.)
Adrian Turnipseed was as much in favour of Hogswatch as the next man. Really. There was time off, and things that sparkled, and lots of chocolate, all of which were very good things. But-- and this was, so far as Ade was concerned, a big but:
Firstly, presents. Adrian felt that as everyone already got presents from the Hogfather (and being a wizard, he may not have believed in the Hogfather but he certainly knew he existed), there was no need for them to get presents for each other. For someone with as many siblings as he had, this was a perfectly reasonable position to hold. Not only did it send you broke, you had to sodding well think of things to get all of them, and nobody ever knew what they wanted, and when they did nowhere ever had it.
Which brought Adrian to his next point: chaos. Absolute bloody chaos. Maybe there was time off on Hogswatch, but leading up to it everything got more hectic. Thieves were stealing presents, assassins were fulfilling hits on annoying relatives that one could not stand another Hogswatch lunch with, merchants were hiking up prices in preparation for the Hogswatch sales, and wizards were trying to prevent the fabric of the universe from being torn, which was what they always did, but for some reason the Things seemed more intent on invading right before Hogswatch Eve. Skazz and Adrian had a theory that they were trying to make it for Hogswatch, which Ponder thought was ridiculous, but he had had to admit that statistics were on their side.
Also, though this was no longer a feature of Adrian’s Hogwatches, he had a lot of traumatic scarring memories of family lunches and the fights that ensued. When you had such a large family and insisted on them all being in one place for an entire day, someone inevitably ended up wanting to maim someone else. People got disowned over those kinds of lunches.
Plus, it almost always snowed. Adrian was very much in favour of snow in theory, but the thing was, when snow hit Ankh Morpork it underwent a complex transformation whereby it turned into disgusting horrible brown sludge, which soaked through ones shoes and socks and made a lot of people fall over and break various important bones such as necks and skulls. In conclusion, snow in the Ramtops: good. Snow in Ankh Morpork: very, very bad.
And, finally on Adrian’s list of Why Hogswatch Is A Tool Of Evil (or alternatively, Skazz’s list of Why Adrian Has No Hogswatch Spirit): Hogswatch songs. Oh, yes, they were all very well and inspiring of warmth and goodwill and so forth the first ten or so times you heard them, but they got more than a bit wearing when people kept on singing them. And then because people kept singing them, they got stuck in your head and there was no escape. Adrian was seriously thinking about killing Skazz, because next to the Archchancellor he was the most obnoxious offender, and Adrian couldn’t exactly kill the Archchancellor and get away with it. Besides, Adrian had to work with Skazz for long periods of time in an enclosed space, which magnified the obnoxiousness of it.
So, all in all, Hogswatch sucked and nobody but Adrian seemed to understand this, which meant it was inescapable, which had led to the situation he now found himself in.
Imp wanted to celebrate Hogswatch together. Adrian was powerless to refuse or tell Imp that he didn’t actually like Hogswatch, because then he’d feel mean. Imp was obviously really looking forward to it.
Surely, Adrian told himself, surely Hogswatch had to suck less when you spent it with the one you loved. Then again, he loved his family, and Skazz was his best friend, but the Hogswatch season around either still made him want to disembowel himself with his own wand.
“Sure,” he’d said, nevertheless, and tried not to sound too resigned. He must have succeeded, because Imp had smiled and kissed him, which had (at least temporarily) made it worthwhile.
In the end, though, well founded and based in extensive personal experience though Adrian’s reservations were, Hogswatch with Imp was surprisingly pleasant and relaxing. He still had to shop for presents, of course, which still drove him crazy when he was looking for things for his family and for friends at the Unseen University (Ponder was fairly easy, Skazz he had long experience in buying presents for and could usually find something, but what the hell did Tez and Victor want? Seriously?), but trying to find something for Imp was strangely enjoyable. Hogswatch songs sounded a lot better in Imp’s melodic voice, and Adrian found he really liked the traditional Llamedos songs Imp sometimes lapsed into.
There weren’t even any fights, which Adrian marked mentally as a first on his rollcall of Hogswatches. Perhaps he should have expected that; Imp was not a confrontational person, and he and Adrian never fought. But still, Hogswatch did funny things to largely rational beings, and Adrian had seen people who usually got on very well get into fights over the pettiest things imaginable.
Hogswatch with Imp, on the other hand, was… nice. Peaceful. Warm and fuzzy and all those other disgustingly sentimental things it was supposed to be that Adrian had always suspected was a commercial conspiracy propagated by merchants and butchers and other members of society who profited and did not spend their time risking their hides stopping Things from crashing the party.
Of course, Adrian’s change of heart may have had something to do with the holly Imp had been decorating with (Adrian had made a lot of jokes about that, which Imp had bore with good nature), the copious amounts of chocolate he’d been plied with and the fact that Imp had graciously allowed him to eat banana and sushi pizza (which he liked) instead of turkey (which he didn’t like).
Adrian didn’t think that was all it was, though, because while kissing Imp was nice, and chocolate was nice, and banana and sushi pizza always brightened his day, none of these things were unusual. They were everyday occurrences; nice everyday occurrences, but still nothing rare.
And yet, somehow they seemed kind of special like this. Somehow Hogswatch seemed special, which made Adrian feel like a complete dork when he thought it (and also like he was betraying some deeply held principle about disliking Hogswatch), but it did.
It had to be that Hogswatch cheer Skazz was always going on about, and grudgingly Adrian admitted to himself that maybe he didn’t hate Hogswatch after all. Maybe it was kind of, you know… nice. In a disgustingly sentimental kind of way.
Adrian still hated Ankh Morpork’s sorry excuse for snow, though. Next year, he decided, he and Imp were going to the Ramtops for Hogswatch.