(no subject)
Title: Irrational
Fandom: Tactics
Pairings: Haruka/Kantarou
Genre: Um, see, it was supposed to be crack. I suspect it got distracted somewhere along the line and turned serious, however.
Word Count: 3,316
Notes: Christmas present for su_chan, 2005. I'm sorry, I don't know what happened to the crack. It's like that time last year when Roussian Roulette turned into crangst-- the idea was cracky, the fic was going to be cracky, and somewhere it snuck off and became serious-ish. UH. *has contrary muses, clearly* Thank you very much to thehoyden for betaing! <3Trust me, it's a lot better now all the little things have been straightened out. Although some of the fixed bits may still be dodgy, which is entirely my fault. XD
Summary: Wherein Kantarou keeps "borrowing" Haruka's rice bowl, and Haruka communes with his inner green-eyed monster.
It all started one morning when Haruka woke up and went to get breakfast only to find Kantarou eating cheerfully out of his rice bowl. Tengu shared their precious rice bowl with nobody and nothing, and so there was absolutely nothing strange about Haruka feeling annoyed about this. That was the natural reaction.
The weird thing was that Haruka couldn't decide if he was feeling more jealous because Kantarou was touching his rice bowl, or because the rice bowl was being touched by Kantarou and he wasn't, cradled furtively close as if the idiot was hoping that eating quickly and unobtrusively would stop him getting caught. It's stupid of me to be jealous, Haruka thought. It's just a rice bowl, even if it is special.
Still, he was annoyed, and for both reasons, stupid though one of them may have been. He let out a low, irritable growl, and Kantarou jumped slightly in his seat, head turning quickly to look at Haruka with wide red eyes. Please don't hurt us, Kantarou's eyes said appealingly. We were misled, and are truly sweet and innocent! You love us!
Kantarou had very articulate eyes, just like the rest of him. He may have been overly fond of the power of words, but he also had a monopoly over the power of expressions, and they could work much, much better in this kind of situation.
"Eh he~eh, Haruka~, there were no other bowls and I thought maybe you wouldn't mind and you can have it back now? Ahahaha…"
Like hell he he'd actually thought that, when he knew how important a rice bowl was to its Tengu. Haruka snorted, grabbing the proffered rice bowl back without a word and Kantarou blinked and sighed with relief, obviously not expecting to get out of it that easily.
Honestly, that master. Only he would do something so stupid and insolent to a Tengu's rice bowl (for the second time, in fact), and only he would get away with it. He could be so stupid when it came to his curiosity, just like a little kid poking a bug with a stick to see what happened. Oh, Haruka had no doubt they really were out of clean rice bowls, but that was just an excuse for Kantarou to meddle. It didn't change the fact that most sane and respectfully Tengu-fearing beings would never have dared.
"Hn," Haruka muttered when he scooped more rice into the bowl, and, as he ate, tried not to think too hard about the way Kantarou's hands had been curved so possessively around his rice bowl.
~
That should have been the end of that. Unfortunately, Haruka couldn't let this go; it was bothering him, and so he spent most of the morning lying on the roof contemplating it. Theoretically, he belonged to Kantarou, and of course, being the oft whiny and juvenile master he was, Kantarou could get jealous over really stupid things. This wasn't a two-way street, and previously Haruka hadn't really thought about that.
Now that he did, though, he found that he did subconsciously tend to think of Kantarou as belonging to him and him alone. On some vague level, in the part of his brain labelled "annoying emotions" where things got shoved when he couldn't be bothered to deal with them, it irritated him every time Kantarou started to get too physical with other youkai or flirty with rich women, which unfortunately happened rather a lot.
The way Haruka felt about Kantarou was rather like how he felt about his rice bowl, only more so and more troublingly as Kantarou had the autonomy to go off and flirt where all Haruka had to do to keep the rice bowl to himself was stop other people going near it. This discovery worried him for a number of reasons, not least of which being the fact he had just drawn a comparison between Kantarou and what was essentially an inanimate, chipped piece of porcelain.
Haruka was still thinking about this when Youko called him for lunch, and when he flew down, and when he entered the house.
"Aaaaah, Youko-chan, so delicious!" Kantarou praised, beaming at her over his bowl, which was not, Haruka noticed, Haruka's bowl. Youko must have cleaned some of the eating utensils.
"That's because I had money to buy proper ingredients today," Youko said archly, but she was obviously pleased by the compliment. "Since you finished your manuscript on time for once, Kan-chan!"
"For once? So cruel! Haruka~, defend my honour!"
"Who says there's any to defend," Haruka said unsympathetically, and went back to his lunch, ignoring Kantarou's loud complaints.
He listened to Kantarou and Youko chatting lightly throughout the meal and realised that impossibly, ridiculously, he was a little jealous of Youko too. She was the first youkai Kantarou had named; she had known Kantarou long before Haruka had. Kantarou and Youko were close friends, almost like siblings, and Haruka suspected that Kantarou needed Youko just as much as he'd ever needed Haruka, even if it was in a more understated way. Haruka tended to think of himself as being the one who Kantarou was the closest to and the one who knew Kantarou the best, but in a lot of ways, Youko knew Kantarou far, far better. She knew all sorts of things about Kantarou that Haruka didn't, like how he got that scar and what he was like before he found Haruka. She probably knew more about the way Kantarou's mind worked, too.
Being jealous of Youko served no purpose. Kantarou cared about her, and Haruka did too; it wasn't as though he didn't want her to go near Kantarou any more. He just couldn't help envying the way she was close to Kantarou in ways he couldn't be, which explained that slight troubled feeling Haruka got sometimes when Youko and Kantarou were talking like this, casually intimate. Now he was aware of it, it was going to be even more of a bother. It wasn't like there was any shortage of occasions on which Youko and Kantarou interacted in such a way, given that they all lived in the same house.
Youko broke off mid-sentence for no apparent reason-- maybe Haruka had sighed without realising-- to frown slightly with concern. "Haruka-chan? You're being even quieter than usual today, is something wrong?"
"No," Haruka said shortly, "nothing," and then, because it would only worry her and Kantarou more if he got up without saying anything, he added, "I'm going back to the roof. Thank you for the food."
The most bothersome part of it all was that Haruka had no claim on Kantarou, not really. He did not own Kantarou the same way Kantarou owned him; there was no name contract binding Kantarou to him. Haruka could only have one master, but Kantarou could name as many youkai as he liked, and Haruka wasn't even the first.
Why did things have to get so complicated just when they were calming down again? Maybe Sugino was right, Haruka thought sourly when he flew back to the roof. Clearly, this was what you got for hanging around humans.
Complex emotions were overrated.
~
Haruka's day, which should have been average but was turning out very bad instead, only got worse when Sugino and Muu-chan showed up. He realised he should have been expecting this to happen sooner rather than later, but that didn't stop him snarling reflexively when Muu-chan tried as usual to burrow her way under Kantarou's kimono, and of course this gained him exactly the kind of attention he'd prefer to avoid.
"Haruka?" Kantarou said, turning to look at him with quizzical surprise, and Haruka shrugged uncomfortably. He would have come up with an excuse, but there wasn't one, really, so instead he turned around and left with an abrupt "I'm going for a walk," with Kantarou staring after him.
"What's wrong with Oni-kui?" Haruka overhead Sugino suspiciously ask Kantarou. "Whatever it is, it's got to be your fault. It always is. Muu-chan! Get away from him, his relationship idiocy might be catching!"
"Hey!" Kantarou said, highly offended, but from the look that flashed through his eyes as Haruka was leaving, Haruka suspected that maybe he was wondering the same thing. What's wrong with Haruka? Is it my fault?
When Haruka returned some time later, Muu-chan and Sugino were still there, and Muu-chan was still trying to-- whatever it was Muu-chan tried to do to Kantarou. Molest him, Haruka thought uncharitably, which Kantarou only ever encouraged.
"Ah, Haruka! You're back-- Haruka?"
"I'm back," Haruka agreed flatly, but walked straight past Kantarou to retreat back to the roof, which was as always his favourite place to sulk.
"What's Oni-kui up to now? You've messed up again, haven't you? Figures. Looks like we'll have to clear some branch space again, Muu-chan!"
"Hey, hey, Haruka, wait!" Kantarou called out, ignoring Sugino entirely as he dogged Haruka to the roof. Of course, Haruka always flew, and Kantarou had to climb the ladder; being in a hurry and a natural klutz, his sandal slipped on one of the top rungs and his foot skidded out from beneath him so quickly and forcefully that he lost his grip completely.
"Kan-chan!" Youko screamed, because at that angle and that speed he'd crack his head open hitting the ground. It wasn't a very long fall; Haruka would have been too far away to make it in time across the roof to catch him.
It was just as well, then, that Kantarou so happened to land on Sugino and break the fall so he wasn't hurt any worse than a bit of bruising and breathlessness.
"Sugino-sama," Kantarou said, voice bright but shaking a little, "Sorry I fell on you! You're not hurt, right?"
"Get off, you stupid human," Sugino complained. "You're heavy! Going around falling on the great Sugino, such a shameful thing to do!"
"Eheh," Kantarou laughed sheepishly, but he didn't move, limbs still trembling from shock. "Sorry! I guess I have to thank you for stopping me from dying, huh?"
"I didn't say you could fall on me," Sugino said sniffily. "You did it without my permission. I certainly wasn't trying to save your life, after the way you keep trying to steal my Muu-chan!"
The uncomfortable way he said this could have been indicative of a number of things, from embarrassment over being thanked to pained discomfort from Kantarou's rather forceful landing and continued presence. Of course, it could also have been because he was lying and was sulking about it; Haruka had seen Sugino move just as Kantarou was falling, consciously or not.
That fall had been a nasty shock to Kantarou's system, but it hadn't exactly been pleasant for Haruka either. He'd just had a short, sharp reminder that humans were fragile; he knew they lived shorter life spans, but he wasn't prepared for Kantarou's to be that short.
Nasty shocks flood the system with adrenalin; Haruka, overcome by the irrational jealousy he'd been struggling with all day, flew down from the roof and grabbed Kantarou's wrist roughly, yanking him to his feet.
"Move," Haruka snapped, ignoring everyone else as he dragged a confused and protesting Kantarou back into the house.
"Haruka? Harukaaaaaaaa! What's wrong? What's going on? Why are we going to your room? What are you--"
"Shut up," Haruka ordered harshly, and Kantarou did, apparently alarmed into obedience. The door slammed loudly behind Kantarou, and Kantarou stared at Haruka's pale eyes and fangs, both their uneven breathing patterns loud in the silence.
"Haruka?" Kantarou said with an uneasy expression, after a few moments had passed.
"Stop saying my name."
"Huh? But what--"
Kantarou reached out tentatively, and Haruka grabbed his wrist tightly. Their eyes met, a wordless stalemate, and Kantarou swallowed slowly.
"Haruka," he said, soft and gentle, "Haruka, it's okay." He tugged his arm back so Haruka, taken off guard, stumbled a little closer, and curled his free hand around the knot of Haruka's tie.
"Kantarou…"
"It's okay," Kantarou repeated soothingly. "So whatever you want, Haruka, you can just tell me."
"I," said Haruka blankly, unnerved by Kantarou's patient and serene air, and tried again. "I want this to go both ways."
Kantarou blinked, apparently not understand what Haruka meant. "To go… what do you mean? What do you want to go both ways?"
"This," Haruka said in frustration, gesturing irritably. "This contract. I belong to you, don't I?"
"That's true enough," Kantarou conceded warily. He looked as though he was wondering if Haruka was going to ask him to remove the name contract, as if Haruka would bother asking something like that. They both knew that Kantarou couldn't and wouldn't remove it, not even if Haruka asked; they'd been through this.
Haruka stared at Kantarou intently, trying to see through him and will him to understand. Kantarou swallowed but still didn't look away, as though Haruka's gaze had him hypnotised like a rabbit caught by the gaze of a snake.
"Who do you belong to, Kantarou?" Haruka said, after a long, charged silence had elapsed between them.
Kantarou wasn't smiling like he usually was. "To Haruka," he said, hesitant but steady, and Haruka was taken aback by the uncharacteristic honesty. Maybe Kantarou had finally sensed how important this was, if he was willing to speak so plainly. "Always to Haruka. Didn't you know?"
Haruka's grip on Kantarou's wrist loosened, leaving vivid red finger-shaped imprints in their wake. Thankfully, there were no claw marks. Haruka could hurt Kantarou quite badly by digging his claws in that close to a major artery.
"Haruka?" Kantarou said tentatively, and tugged on Haruka's tie. "Naa~ah, Haruka, why are you acting so weird?"
Haruka was sick of everybody and everything touching Kantarou except him. He shoved Kantarou's shoulders back against the door and kissed him, hard and insistent, licking at Kantarou's open mouth and sliding his tongue inside. He revelled in the helpless whimpering noises Kantarou made, the way Kantarou's hands kept clenching and unclenching in his shirt and the nervous flutter of Kantarou's heartbeat, because these were parts of Kantarou that were his alone, at least now.
"Harukaaaaa," Kantarou moaned, voice breaking on the drawn out vowel, and Haruka was satisfied to realise that he was the one who'd made Kantarou like this, pupils dilated and cheeks flushed and hair and robes all mussed up.
"Bedroom," Haruka said roughly, pulling and pushing Kantarou up the stairs to his own room like a pliant doll since the folklorist was too dazed to move for himself, and the sound of the door closing behind them had a sense of finality about it. Kantarou fell back onto the futon, sprawled out and undone, and right now Haruka didn't care who Kantarou flirted with, because none of them ever saw him like this.
"Mine," he growled, low in his throat, and Kantarou shivered.
"Haruka's," he agreed fervently, arching and crying out when Haruka's hands slid under the kimono and down along his ribs. His hands twisted desperately in the bedclothes, head turning away with his eyes squeezed tightly shut to unconsciously bare his neck. "Haru, Haruka…"
Kantarou was so small and slight, and Haruka was vaguely afraid that he would break if treated too forcefully. That was ridiculous, obviously; Haruka had seen Kantarou take some very punishing beatings before in various fights. Still, the feeling was just as irrational as his earlier jealousy, and he couldn't quite shake it, so he untied Kantarou's hakama like someone unwrapping a particularly precious present, mouth and hands brushing Kantarou's skin only lightly until Kantarou was begging with frustration.
"Haru-ka!" he wailed, "T-touch me properly! I'm not made of, of glass or, a-ah…"
It was technically an order, but it didn't exactly have much force behind it. Still, Haruka was feeling charitable enough, and complied readily, pinning Kantarou's wrists above his head with one hand and licking and biting a trail from the pulse point on Kantarou's neck down along his sternum with the other hand curled tightly around Kantarou's hip bone, the claws cutting in slightly.
Everything felt so hot when they were pressed together that way, like burning up but a different kind of heat. Kantarou was curled around Haruka as close as possible, as though somehow he could absorb Haruka into his skin, arms and legs wrapped desperately tight around Haruka and face buried against Haruka's neck. He called Haruka's name, a frantic chant of words that held power but no meaning, voice cracked and feverish. Haruka liked his name when Kantarou said it that way, he decided; he liked everything about Kantarou when he was like this, the incoherent honesty stripped for once of cunning and the hectic colour fever-bright in his eyes and cheeks and the way his hair was damp with sweat.
"I like being Haruka's," Kantarou mumbled later, sleepy and still half curled around Haruka, and after several minutes his breathing evened out into unconsciousness.
"Hn," was all Haruka could manage, because he was tired too, and soon enough he was just as dead to the world as Kantarou.
~
The next morning, Kantarou had a mellow, half-asleep air of smugness around him, so mellow and half-asleep that he almost walked into the wall on his way into the kitchen. Haruka caught Youko trying not to stare and giggle, with very little success. This was probably due to a large number of things, from Kantarou's dazed smugness to the vivid bruises blooming all over his neck and collarbone, and, Haruka suspected, to the way he had a tendency towards being loud in bed. Haruka didn't know whether Kantarou had actually noticed the marks on his skin or not, but he was personally very pleased with them, perhaps even smugger than Kantarou for a change. It was a very satisfying feeling to know that he had put them there, almost like a tag of ownership that Kantarou couldn't remove until they faded. And, when they did, Haruka would just have to do his best to make sure they were properly replaced.
Haruka went outside to enjoy the sunlight for about half an hour; when he came back inside, he stared blankly at Kantarou for a moment and then sighed with exasperation.
Kantarou was eating from Haruka's rice bowl again. Haruka was pleasantly surprised to find that he wasn't jealous now, irrationally or otherwise, because that was the kind of jealousy that was just so stupid he couldn't go through life with it. In fact, he was only mildly annoyed, and not, he realised, as much as he should have been given that this was his precious rice bowl.
"Kantarou," he said warningly, and Kantarou barely even bothered with a guilty start.
"Oops?" he tried hopefully, and regretfully handed the bowl back when Haruka rolled his eyes, forfeiting the rest of his breakfast at the same time.
Haruka wondered if Kantarou even understood the significance of that. In theory he always knew these things, but he could be a bit dense when it came to himself. Tengu shared their rice bowls with no one and nothing, but this was the second day in a row that Kantarou had gotten away with 'borrowing' it, and Haruka had barely even reprimanded him.
Haruka listened to Youko and Kantarou bicker as he ate, Youko teasing and Kantarou whining by turns. He was no more jealous of Youko than he had been of his rice bowl, which was good, because though it was slightly less irrational it was still baseless. He thought that maybe he was over this jealousy thing entirely, now he felt more secure about his place with Kantarou. He thought this for most of the morning, until Muu-chan came and climbed all over Kantarou again and Haruka started to feel a lot more sympathetic towards Sugino's eternal plight.
To be fair, though, at least that jealousy was rational.