(no subject)
I'm not really sure what to say. I feel a bit odd, not being in love with anyone, or even having a specific person in my head when I close my eyes. I've always had a specific person on my mind. I guess the recent circumstances have me feeling detached.
I want to live the way I see other happy people living. But that's all perception right? Who's to say that a thousand smiling-faced pictures makes that person happier than me? Who's to say that the couple I put under a jealous scrutiny isn't really falling apart from the inside due to petty issues. I guess it's not so much that I want to be as happy or happier than other people. Maybe I just want to be able to be happy with myself. I want to have a friend, without feelings of jealousy, or unrequite.
I need to find the strength, to invest time in building something. Instead of expecting to fall into a comfortable, loving, solid relationship. I guess I just want much more than I know I deserve.
I just see this person, who isn't much of a person. Anyone can fill space, any one can offer comforting words. I mean, I know I need certain people sometimes, and it would be ridiculous to say it's impossible that I am that to someone, but I just don't feel like I would make any difference. I feel highly replaceable.
Things need to start out pure I think. Otherwise they can't grow.
I don't know, I'm just rambling.
I want to live the way I see other happy people living. But that's all perception right? Who's to say that a thousand smiling-faced pictures makes that person happier than me? Who's to say that the couple I put under a jealous scrutiny isn't really falling apart from the inside due to petty issues. I guess it's not so much that I want to be as happy or happier than other people. Maybe I just want to be able to be happy with myself. I want to have a friend, without feelings of jealousy, or unrequite.
I need to find the strength, to invest time in building something. Instead of expecting to fall into a comfortable, loving, solid relationship. I guess I just want much more than I know I deserve.
I just see this person, who isn't much of a person. Anyone can fill space, any one can offer comforting words. I mean, I know I need certain people sometimes, and it would be ridiculous to say it's impossible that I am that to someone, but I just don't feel like I would make any difference. I feel highly replaceable.
Things need to start out pure I think. Otherwise they can't grow.
I don't know, I'm just rambling.