(no subject)
Well, tomorrow I start training for my job. If I am comfortable enough Saturday I will work the whole shift. I am so poor these days. I had to borrow money from my pops. I hate feeling like I have to depend on others.
Something I have realized lately, is that I am alot happier. I am not sure if I have mentioned this in a previous entry or not. It's not because I have a boyfriend. It's one probably because I am on zoloft even though it is the lowest dose. But ever since I have had a more positive outlook on life. Yeah, I have my problems, I am in huge debt, I have tons of school work that confuses me, etc. Lets stay off that subject. Most of my teen years if not all of them I spent dwelling on things that made me feel depressed. I know now that it must have been annoying hearing "I should just kill myself, I wish I could just disappear, no one likes me, I suck." Honestly, at the time part of me felt like I was doing it for attention but at the same time it was the way I felt and I knew I needed help. I was getting to the point where I was having breakdowns constantly. Every little thing would set me off. I know I was a miserable person to be around. And I would like to thank anyone who listened to all my bullshit. Yes, a big part of my depression was Joel, and I am still not over all that shit 100% but it does not bother me as much. I am able to live my life without worrying about what he did or will do. But I can't blame him for all of it. There were many other things that happened that made me depressed. The worse thing I did is refuse to get the help I needed. Right now I love myself. Yes, I think there are things I could improve but who doesn't? Before I hated everything about myself. Since I have this new outlook it is easier for me to talk to people, obviously I am still shy but not as shy as I used to be. I got rid of the people in my life who were making me feel like shit and now I have great friends. I love my friends! Well that's enough of my babbling!
Something I have realized lately, is that I am alot happier. I am not sure if I have mentioned this in a previous entry or not. It's not because I have a boyfriend. It's one probably because I am on zoloft even though it is the lowest dose. But ever since I have had a more positive outlook on life. Yeah, I have my problems, I am in huge debt, I have tons of school work that confuses me, etc. Lets stay off that subject. Most of my teen years if not all of them I spent dwelling on things that made me feel depressed. I know now that it must have been annoying hearing "I should just kill myself, I wish I could just disappear, no one likes me, I suck." Honestly, at the time part of me felt like I was doing it for attention but at the same time it was the way I felt and I knew I needed help. I was getting to the point where I was having breakdowns constantly. Every little thing would set me off. I know I was a miserable person to be around. And I would like to thank anyone who listened to all my bullshit. Yes, a big part of my depression was Joel, and I am still not over all that shit 100% but it does not bother me as much. I am able to live my life without worrying about what he did or will do. But I can't blame him for all of it. There were many other things that happened that made me depressed. The worse thing I did is refuse to get the help I needed. Right now I love myself. Yes, I think there are things I could improve but who doesn't? Before I hated everything about myself. Since I have this new outlook it is easier for me to talk to people, obviously I am still shy but not as shy as I used to be. I got rid of the people in my life who were making me feel like shit and now I have great friends. I love my friends! Well that's enough of my babbling!