Minds To Break And Minds To Move
Why does everything have to be so fucking confusing? At this point in my life, I should have all the answers. I should have everything figured out about my future, but I don't think I've ever been in more doubt than I am right now. Sure I'm well on my way to becoming a painter (which by the way, takes another 3 years) however, it feels as if I'm not good enough. Everyone else in school seems to have super powers and does everything a gazilion times better than me. Sure I've only been a trainee or whatever the hell you call if for 4 months, but I've also been an intern for 4 months, so there are certain things I should know by now. I constantly find myself asking stupid, simple questions which I, without a doubt, should know the answer to.
It feels as if everyone is talking about me behind my back and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel like, no matter how long I run or how fast I run, I never get anywhere. I'm stuck in the same place I've always been in. Stuck in the same hole. I some times feel as if it's on a kindergarten level, which is silly I know. But hey, I can't help how I feel.
The only person I would ever want to talk to about this, isn't here anymore. Sadly, he passed away 7½ years ago. I never thought it'd be humanly possibly to miss someone, the way I miss him. He was my rock. He tought my to write my name when I was 3 years old. He tought me to read fluently at the age of 4. And I'm not even kidding. I basically owe everything to him.
Some may know and some may not know, but I write poetry and this is the most recent one I wrote. I didn't mean for it to be about him, but it turned out that way anyway. Some of the things aren't right in that context (like the blood and the bedroom floor) but .. whatever. My cousin told me it's the best I've written so far. And I have been writing for about 10 years, so ...
Minds To Break And Minds To Move
Lying alone in my bed
Thinking about what you said
You promised you'd always be around
You said it all without a sound
The bedroom floor covered in blood
Whispering a silent question to God
Why does it have to be this way?
Why couldn't you just let him stay?
I miss him every day, so very much
I put upon you my faith and trust
You took away what mattered the most to me
Now he'll never get a chance to see
The chance to see how happy I am
That I have finally found a man
A man who lets me be me
And doesn't try to change for everyone to see
I feel like I have something to prove
Minds to break and minds to move
A chance to prove that I can be free
Free to finally be me ...
It feels as if everyone is talking about me behind my back and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel like, no matter how long I run or how fast I run, I never get anywhere. I'm stuck in the same place I've always been in. Stuck in the same hole. I some times feel as if it's on a kindergarten level, which is silly I know. But hey, I can't help how I feel.
The only person I would ever want to talk to about this, isn't here anymore. Sadly, he passed away 7½ years ago. I never thought it'd be humanly possibly to miss someone, the way I miss him. He was my rock. He tought my to write my name when I was 3 years old. He tought me to read fluently at the age of 4. And I'm not even kidding. I basically owe everything to him.
Some may know and some may not know, but I write poetry and this is the most recent one I wrote. I didn't mean for it to be about him, but it turned out that way anyway. Some of the things aren't right in that context (like the blood and the bedroom floor) but .. whatever. My cousin told me it's the best I've written so far. And I have been writing for about 10 years, so ...
Minds To Break And Minds To Move
Lying alone in my bed
Thinking about what you said
You promised you'd always be around
You said it all without a sound
The bedroom floor covered in blood
Whispering a silent question to God
Why does it have to be this way?
Why couldn't you just let him stay?
I miss him every day, so very much
I put upon you my faith and trust
You took away what mattered the most to me
Now he'll never get a chance to see
The chance to see how happy I am
That I have finally found a man
A man who lets me be me
And doesn't try to change for everyone to see
I feel like I have something to prove
Minds to break and minds to move
A chance to prove that I can be free
Free to finally be me ...