what a life
reality sucks, the truth is so over-rated.
Why is it so hard to be yourself? Why is it people have to change or try and be different? Why did I have to make soo many dumb mistakes, oh well. I think I try and be warm hearted when whats really going on is, I'm very cold inside because I've been hurt soo bad, that I dont even know how to be happy over anything, or to try and fall in love agian, and I get so jealous, and so harsh. I hate myself sometimes, because I end up hurting the people who actually care about me, and then I care for the ones who dont give a fuck. It's fucked up. I cant even trust people, I always think I'm not worth anyones time, and I feel like i cant offer anything because i lost everything i used to once have. I need an escape, I need to find myself agian, I used to be such a good person, I loved everything, I loved life, I looked good, like when you looked at me i didnt look so dead, and I wasn't in such a huge shell. But It's because of choices and mistakes I have made, and I'm paying for it all, I'm becoming someone I never wanted to be, my father in such a way, and I dont want that, I want to be more like my mother like i used to be, I want to be someone strong, someone good-hearted agian, I want to be positive like I was, and I want to find everything fascinating, and fun. I want to be outgoing agian and trust. I dont want to care what people think anymore, and I wanna fall in love agian. I know it'll happen, but I think it wont unless I find what I'm looking for, and I have no idea what the hell that is...
Pain is not the word My head hurts; you drove a nail through me I took the truth, spit it out, and you fucked me I hate your face you make me sick I hate the race I seem to take Clean the dirt and it comes back again Everything seems to follow to an end Take it away, my heart my eyes I never want to be a victim to your games or your lies I have been pushed away; I have been a coward in so many ways I fell off the edge, I woke up, and I found hate I feel rejected and I cannot seem to get home I cannot trust and I cannot learn Fuck me over once fuck me over again I will haunt your nightmares forever and again If I reach deep inside, you will see my heart is true I hate the way I feel tonight I hate all of you The road I am on is so far behind; I lost all chances of hope All chances to survive The darkness, the spirit, it calls for you My eyes water as if someone died I drift away into the depth of existence Only to be cold, heartless, and alone once again
