Challenges
Title: Challenges
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Quinn, Puck, Quinn & Puck's daughter
Rating: PG-13 for language and mentions of sexytimes
Length: ~5,000 words
Summary: Quinn first notices a problem when her baby is three months old.
Author's Note: So I saw a prompt over on the glee_angst_meme that was "Drizzle is diagnosed with Tay-Sachs" and it caught my eye but then I looked at the details of what Tay-Sachs actually is...and no. Couldn't do it. Yes, the girl who wrote Silver Lining and killed off one half of her OTP has a line that she will not cross. So instead of giving the baby Tay-Sachs, I wrote this.
Also, it was madndizzee that had the choice of which fic I published today...so if you hate it, blame her =P
Quinn first notices there’s something wrong with her daughter, Danielle Ava Fabray (Danielle is as close to Drizzle as she wanted to get), when the baby is three months old. She doesn’t coo or try to imitate sounds like the books say she should be doing. The doctor says she might just be a quiet child. The first time Quinn calls bullshit on the doctor is when she’s in the Berrys’ kitchen with Danielle in her bouncy seat on the countertop. The infant is quiet and just wiggling and kicking her legs. Rachel drops two metal pans and their lids and the crash echoes off the walls and Rachel swears and even Quinn lets out a startled scream. Danielle doesn’t even blink, just keeps kicking as she had been doing before the crash and when Rachel asks if the baby is okay because of the noise Quinn just stares at Rachel and swallows hard.
“I…I don’t think she heard it,” Quinn finally chokes out. “She…Rachel…she didn’t do anything.”
Rachel throws the pans on the floor again and again and both girls watch the baby each time. She doesn’t do anything.
Quinn calls bullshit on the doctor a second time on the way out of his office after Danielle’s check-up. He didn’t even check the infant’s ears, just said Quinn was being paranoid and the baby was just content and never let anything bother her. Quinn is pissed because she heard him talking to his nurse on his way in the room about a ski trip he was leaving for in fifteen minutes and she knows that he just wanted to get in and out of there as quickly as possible. Quinn wants a second opinion but it’s hard to find a doctor in Lima that will accept her insurance; so they can do nothing but make phone calls and wait.
They know for sure the doctor is an idiot when Danielle is in the baby carrier snuggled closely to Rachel’s chest while the brunette is scrambling around in her room trying to find something to wear for Quinn one night. When Rachel stubs her foot on the corner of her bed and lets out a screech, Danielle doesn’t even raise her head.
Quinn gives up on finding an insurance approved doctor when Puck has Danielle for the day and accidentally bumps into his stereo and loud, high pitched guitars start playing and the baby in his arms doesn’t startle or look around. She just looks up at Puck and blinks. Quinn wants answers and she wants them now.
Puck goes with Quinn and Rachel to the new doctor’s office and Quinn makes sure the pediatrician does a thorough check of Danielle’s ears. The doctor looks in one ear and then the other. She has Quinn lay the baby down on the table and she stands out of sight and claps her hands a few times. Danielle only chews on her fingers and the doctor shakes her head and talks about more testing when Danielle gets older to see how bad it is. Quinn demands to get her tested right away but the doctor explains that her insurance is very picky about when the tests are done and she will have to wait. Later that night, Rachel holds Quinn from behind while Quinn holds her daughter in her arms and cries.
Three weeks after Danielle’s first birthday the otologist sits Quinn down in his office and tells her that Danielle has a ninety percent hearing loss in both ears and there is a possibility that it will only get worse with time but they won’t know until it happens. They don’t know what caused it, but they are fairly certain it was how she was born because no one can recall anything significant happening in the first few weeks of the baby’s life that could’ve caused it. Rachel holds Quinn again that night while she lays in bed and cries.
“What did I do, Rachel?” Quinn sobs. “Why is my baby being punished? I…I took care of myself, I took vitamins, I went to the doctor…”
“She’s not being punished,” Rachel says with a sigh. “Things…happen. Sometimes it just happens, that’s what the doctor said.”
“Screw the doctor!” Quinn cries. “I want to know why this happened to her!”
“Quinn…Quinn you can’t do this. You can’t focus on why this happened…”
Quinn sits up and sniffles. Her jaw trembles when she speaks and all Rachel can do is wrap an arm around her shoulders.
“But if I know why it happened then I can fix it! I’m her mother, that’s what I’m supposed to do, right? I’m supposed to fix everything! She scrapes her knee, I clean it and put a band-aid on it. She gets her heart broken and I beat the offender with a crow bar. What’s it say if I can’t fix the first problem my baby has?”
“It says you’re human,” Rachel whispers. “You’re just human, babe. There are some things that you can’t fix. Don’t think of it as a problem, think of it as a challenge. A challenge you can overcome.”
Quinn knows that even though Rachel is stoic and strong through the whole ordeal that she’s disappointed by it. She never talks about it, though. She lets Rachel keep up her appearance because she knows that if she brings Rachel down that there’s no hope for any of them. She knows Rachel wants to and will have to be the stronger one and because Quinn has no other choice, she accepts it. And she vows to do anything and everything she can for her daughter come hell or high water.
Rachel really is disappointed but she refuses to let it show. She knows she won’t be able to teach Danielle all the things she wanted to about music and Broadway. She does know, though, that Danielle can feel the beat from the bass when she puts her hand to the stereo speaker and Rachel is bound and determined that the girl will learn how to dance even if she has to get speakers installed in the floor so the baby can feel the beat.
They start going to sign language classes at the local community center and Rachel starts looking at early-childhood programs. There’s nothing nearby and so they talk to their teacher at the community center and she says she’d be happy to help them. Quinn explains her situation and says she can’t pay much. The woman still agrees to help and tells them she knows how difficult it is to find someone willing because of what her parents went through with her. Quinn’s already spending all of her money on bills from doctors and tests and she is grateful that she’s finally caught a break.
Danielle catches on quickly, more quickly than Rachel and Quinn did. Rachel says the child is a genius and will be the CEO of something someday if she’s not dancing. Quinn is just glad she’ll finally be able to communicate with her child.
The road isn’t easy. Quinn gets frustrated a lot when trying to keep Danielle’s attention and it takes a lot of patience from Rachel but when Quinn gets Danielle to sign something correctly and use it in the right context it’s worth the tears and the frustration. Rachel stands by her through it all; through the pain and the tears and the anger and the days when all Quinn wants is the answer to the question, “why?”
“Please, one more,” Quinn says even though she knows the infant can’t hear her. “Just one more tonight and we’ll be done.” She’s sitting on the floor of the infant’s room with various objects spread around them. Their current concentration is a spoon. Quinn repeats the motion over and over. The toddler is getting frustrated and all she does is throw the spoon under her crib and vent her frustrations by screaming and crying. Quinn just buries her head in her hands until she feels Rachel behind her gripping her shoulders.
“Why don’t you end it for tonight?” Rachel whispers. “It’s late and she’s frustrated and you’re frustrated and I’m frustrated because you’ve been exhausted for weeks and I want a little Quinn and Rachel grown-up time while you’re actually awake.”
Quinn groans and feels Rachel smile into her neck. “We’re not grown-ups, Rachel…we’re still kids, too.”
“I’m pretty sure what we do isn’t kid stuff. And you know it helps you relax.”
Quinn just sighs and she knows Rachel’s right. She gathers up all of the random objects in the floor and leaves to put them all away while Rachel calms the baby down and gets her changed into her pajamas. Quinn does indeed feel better a few hours later.
By Christmas break of senior year, Rachel has stopped talking about New York and Quinn starts to get worried. In March, Rachel tells her that Julliard rejected her, Quinn knows she’s lying because Rachel never sent in an audition CD. Quinn is kind of glad that Danielle can’t hear them because she yells at Rachel for at least an hour and Rachel stands there and takes it and simply tells Quinn that her priorities have changed and that right now Quinn needs to focus on taking care of her daughter, not on her.
Quinn is accepted to OSU with enough academic and art scholarships coupled with state grants to give her a free ride and has talked to the landlords of a few apartment complexes. Danielle is enrolled in the early-childhood program at the Ohio School for the Deaf in Columbus and thanks to Quinn being a single mother with limited income that will be attending school herself, the tuition is decreased significantly. Rachel won’t tell Quinn where she’s going to college until the day all of their boxes are packed. For someone damn good at not keeping secrets their sophomore year, Rachel has done outstanding for six months. When Rachel starts loading her things into the U-Haul trailer attached to the back of the Berry’s SUV the weekend Quinn and Danielle are to move to Columbus, Quinn cries. One of Rachel’s dads follows them in Quinn’s car to the city. Quinn breaks down and knows she would have collapsed had she been standing when Rachel’s dad that's driving the SUV containing them pulls into the driveway of a small house a few miles from campus, turns to the back seat, and says “welcome home, girls”. Rachel is just as stunned.
He explains that every penny Quinn paid them for rent or babysitting or payback for helping out with doctor’s bills has gone into an account for expenses involved in setting up a house. They got the property for a good deal, it was a bank foreclosure but the neighborhood is nice and in close proximity to just about everything. Rachel yells for her fathers having kept such a big secret from her. They remind her that she’s been keeping one just as big from Quinn. Quinn feels left out having no secrets at all other than the fact that she’s furious at Rachel for not going to school in New York when she knows Rachel got accepted to Columbia, she saw the acceptance letter herself.
Danielle graduates from the pre-school program to kindergarten when Rachel and Quinn are finishing up their junior year. They sit proudly in the audience with Rachel’s dads and wave their hands in excitement when Danielle walks across the stage. The young blonde signs “I love you” to them as she crosses the stage proudly and all four of the adults cry.
When Danielle starts speech therapy during kindergarten it’s almost as frustrating as when she started signing. She’s stubborn and refuses it at first because the first few sessions don’t allow her to become fluent immediately and she’s not one to do anything unless it’s perfect. Quinn sighs because she knows that Danielle got it from Rachel. They learn the first session that Danielle can already read lips a little bit because both Quinn and Rachel have taken to talking and signing whether they’re talking to her or not. She only responds with “I’ll never tell” and a giggle when they ask how long she’s been lip-reading. Quinn and Rachel both make mental notes to get completely out of the young blonde’s sight when they’re discussing something she doesn’t need to know about.
After their graduation Quinn and Rachel talk to Puck about signing over his parental rights. Despite having promised that he wasn’t going to abandon Quinn and the baby when they were in high school he hasn’t actually spent time with Danielle since Rachel and Quinn moved to Columbus. He has plenty of chances, Rachel says when he claims he doesn’t have time. Rachel and Quinn go to Lima for a few days every vacation they have and it’s not even a three hour drive. He consents but they still have to go to court and Rachel and Quinn almost find themselves in jail after the ordeal is finished.
“Mr. Puckerman,” the judge says, “you’ve consented to give up parental rights of one Danielle Ava Fabray, is that correct?”
“Yes,” Puck says confidently.
“Court records need reasoning for your decision.”
Puck shrugs. “I suck as a dad.”
“That’s all you have to say?” the judge looks over his half-moon glasses, unimpressed. Rachel and Quinn both see the look in the judge's eyes that say if it weren’t for the rules and regulations he’d sign the papers right then and there along with getting Puck sterilized.
“Look, I didn’t ask for this. I screwed up in high school and to be honest if she weren’t…if…it would be easier if…I’m just not cut out for raising a kid and I haven’t done much of it since they left anyways.”
Both women stand up at that and Rachel and Quinn are shoulder to shoulder when they storm up to Puck. The two bailiffs have to restrain them.
“You asshole!” Rachel screams. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“You worthless son of a bitch!” Quinn screeches. Everything she’s been holding in since Puck refused to see Danielle during their first holiday vacation comes pouring out. “Hard? Try raising a kid while going to college full time while her biological father doesn’t do a damn thing, that’s hard! It doesn’t matter that she’s deaf or not, Noah Puckerman! It’s hard and it would have been hard no matter if she was born hearing or blind or anything!”
Puck only shrugs and drops to his seat. “Sorry, Q. I tried, okay? It was easier when she was little because she either needed fed or changed. I can’t deal with…Listen, I’ll sign the papers and you can do what you want. You and I both know Rachel’s more of a parent to her than I am.”
“You know what?” Quinn growls when the bailiff pulls her back to her seat. “She’s better off without you. You think this isn’t considered being a deadbeat dad? You’re wrong. Not wanting to deal with a challenge this small…you’re pathetic.”
“I know,” he says. “Rachel will do better.”
Danielle has been waiting patiently in the lobby of the courthouse with Rachel’s dads and when they all emerge, papers in hand, Quinn notices Puck barely gives a second glance to the young blonde he hasn’t seen since she was a toddler. They decide, or rather Quinn insists, that while they’re at the courthouse to go ahead and fill out paperwork to have Danielle’s last name changed to Berry-Fabray.
Rachel gets a job teaching music at a Columbus elementary school right out of college. Quinn gets her business degree and Rachel says she can go to grad school if she wants and even though she knows things would work out, although they’d be tight for a while, Quinn declines. She wants to spend more time with Danielle before she goes back to get her masters. So Quinn gets her teaching certification as well and teaches accounting, personal finance, and economics at one of the local public high schools.
It’s two years after they’ve graduated when they decide they want another child. They sit down and discuss it with Danielle and she’s hesitant at first. When they ask why she’s hesitant their hearts break at the response.
“What if they’re deaf, too?” the eight year old signs. She’s still shy about speaking, even with Quinn and Rachel, because she knows it’s hard to understand her sometimes.
“Then they’ll be just as special as you, won’t they?” Rachel signs and speaks.
“Why would it be a problem?” Quinn asks, confused.
“Because I know it hasn’t been easy with me.”
Rachel and Quinn just stare at each other blankly. Yeah, it was really hard for a while when they were low on money and Rachel had to take two jobs so they could eat and pay Danielle’s tuition. It didn’t last long though because when the brunette collapsed during their junior year from exhaustion and was hospitalized for three days they had to accept help from Rachel’s dads and things had been okay from then on.
“Why would you say that?” Quinn asked. “You’re not the reason it wasn’t easy. Rachel refusing to buy generic brand soup is why it was hard.” Quinn smiles and Rachel playfully bats her arm.
“You think I don’t know it’s harder because I’m deaf?”
Rachel sighs. “D…It’s not…”
Danielle slaps down Rachel’s hands. “I know I’m only eight but I’m not stupid. Other kids have brothers and sisters who can hear and I know it’s easier for their parents with the hearing kids.”
Quinn gets Danielle’s attention and Quinn feels her cheeks turning red. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me,” Quinn signs and speaks furiously. “You are the reason why I went to live with Grandpa and Pop Berry which is where and when Rachel and I fell in love and why you have her as a mother, you know this. I would not love you any differently if you could hear. You’re my daughter, my baby girl, and I love you. Easy or hard, I love you and nothing will change that. Do you understand?”
Rachel has tears streaming and Danielle lets out a sigh and speaks. “Yes.”
Quinn pulls her in for a hug and Rachel wraps her arms around them both.
A year later Rachel gives birth to David Alexander Berry-Fabray. He’s three weeks old when it’s pointed out he has the exact same initials as his sister. Rachel and Quinn are slightly embarrassed. Danielle starts dance classes at the school and Quinn couldn’t be more proud. They sell the house and move into a bigger one in the same area. They find out when Rachel drops another pan that David can hear just fine because he’s startled and starts crying. Quinn is neither ecstatic nor disappointed and she makes sure to let Danielle know this over and over. They would have dealt with it if he was but it’s no different that he’s not.
Quinn doesn’t go to grad school. Instead she goes back to get a degree in math and she doesn’t regret it because now she’s teaching at Danielle’s high school and is not only a math teacher but assistant glee club adviser as well. Danielle is not exactly happy when as a freshman she walks into the glee club’s rehearsal space the first afternoon of practice and sees Quinn sitting there with a smile on her face. There’s words exchanged and Rachel learns a few new signs later that night that Danielle is grounded for.
Rachel has done more research than any one person has probably ever done on vocal training and she’s worked with Danielle and the speech therapists since the day she started therapy. Because of this it’s no surprise that Danielle is selected as the soloist for glee club and she really does sound good, not just to her biased mothers’ ears. Rachel comes in and works with the choir on choreography and Danielle is even more embarrassed but she gets over it quickly when the director decides to enter them in competition. They go up against McKinley at sectionals and Rachel and Quinn see Mr. Schuester for the first time in over a decade. He has three children with him, all with curly, red hair and the former Ms. Pillsbury is at his side a few minutes later after making a trip to the bathroom because their fourth child is doing a tap-dance on her bladder and both Rachel and Quinn laugh at remembering how that was.
Rachel and Quinn agree that it sounds clichéd but Danielle’s school and New Directions split the four judges in half and tie. The Show Choir board agrees to let both schools through to regionals but they both lose to Vocal Adrenaline who have been on a comeback streak for the last three years after having been beaten by New Directions every year since Rachel and Quinn’s sophomore year.
Danielle loves being a big sister. She’s loved it from the day she first met her little brother when she was nine. She remembers her Pop Berry holding her hand and leading her through the hallway in the hospital to Rachel’s room. She remembers being scared because hospitals were places for sick people and she didn’t want her Rachel-Mom to be sick but when she saw that Rachel was sitting up in bed with a smile on her face and a bundle of blue blankets in her arms she knew Rachel was okay.
Rachel and Quinn joked with Danielle when David was a baby that the only reason Danielle loved him so much was that she couldn’t hear him cry constantly when he had colic or was teething. Danielle teaches him to swear in sign when Rachel and Quinn aren’t looking but getting grounded is worth it because that’s what older siblings are supposed to do.
Danielle gets her heart broken for the first time her sophomore year. Rachel and Quinn can’t figure out how to get her to come out of her room because she’s locked the door and yelling is pointless. They enlist the help of David after four hours and Rachel tells him that this time and this time only he can climb up the trellis on the side of the house and into his sister’s room. Rachel watches from outside and Quinn stands by the door. They both hear the shriek when David gets the window open and he scrambles out of his sister’s room when he finally gets the door open. Danielle is yelling at him and Quinn is trying to keep the door open while Rachel runs back inside and up the stairs.
“Baby girl, please…” Quinn pleads. “Please talk to us.”
“I’m not a baby!”
“We know,” Rachel says.
“No, you don’t! You two have been together since you were in high school, you don’t know!”
Quinn sighs. She feels like a horrible mother and so does Rachel because they’ve never sat down and told her absolutely everything surrounding her birth because for so long Danielle blamed herself when things were hard. They decide to wait on the details but Rachel does tell her that she did date Finn for a brief period of time before she and Quinn got together but he broke up with her for letting Quinn live with her and her dads.
Danielle’s reaction is what they expected when they do tell her about “Babygate ‘09”.
“So I really did ruin your lives?”
Quinn growls. “How many times have I told you that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me?”
“Too damn many.”
“Language,” Rachel reminds her. “If none of that had ever happened then…I don’t want to think about it. I love you, Quinn loves you, your grandfathers love you and David tolerates you.” Danielle giggles. “You are so special, D. You brought Quinn and me together and you made me realize that being in the spotlight isn’t the most important thing in life. I would rather be teaching music and have you and your mother and your brother in my life than be on Broadway and go home to an empty apartment.”
“Is it bad that I don’t remember him at all? Puck?”
“You were only two when we moved,” Quinn says. “We didn’t expect you to remember him. If you want to meet him…”
“No. I’ve done just fine without him, haven’t I? He couldn’t handle me then and he doesn’t deserve me now.”
Quinn and Rachel both smile.
Both women cry when Danielle is accepted to NYU with a full-ride academic scholarship. They cry even more at graduation and Rachel almost faints when she spots a tall, tan man with a mohawk in the crowd. They see him in the lobby after the ceremony and Quinn, Rachel, David, and Rachel’s dads are surrounding Danielle and hugging her when Puck walks up.
“I looked online at the dates,” he says.
Danielle furrows her eyebrows and looks at Quinn and Rachel.
“Why are you here, Noah?” Rachel asks furiously. “You’re not her father anymore, remember?”
“I just wanted…I wanted to make sure she’s okay.”
Before Quinn can say anything Danielle steps forward and glares at the man.
“Danielle…”
“Don’t. You’ve seen that I’m fine. I’ve graduated. I got a full ride scholarship to NYU. Honestly? I don’t want anything to do with you. Quinn and Rachel are my parents…you’re just the DNA provider.”
Rachel cries again.
The first night back in their home after getting Danielle set up in her dorm at NYU Rachel and Quinn settle into their bed and they’re both attempting to hold back the tears they feel threatening to spill over. The house just feels emptier.
“Do you remember when she was three months old and you dropped those pots in the kitchen?” Quinn sniffles.
“Of course.”
“I was so scared, Rachel. At that point I didn’t know if we’d ever see our baby go to school or off to college…I just didn’t know. I didn’t know how to raise a deaf child. I didn’t know what she’d be able to do…I…didn’t know she’d turn out to be this amazing. And I feel so horrible for ever thinking that she would be anything less than awesome.”
“It was a scary time, babe. I was scared, too.”
“You were so strong, Rach. I don’t know what I would’ve done if it hadn’t been for you. I know there’s no way I would’ve made it through if you hadn’t been there with me when I hit bottom a few times.”
“I love you; you know I would’ve been there for you no matter what.”
“I love you, too.”
“We did a good job though, didn’t we?”
Quinn nods.
“Now if we can just get David to stop his fascination with fireworks we’ll be good to go.”
Quinn laughs and kisses Rachel and before she can get much further Rachel’s phone beeps and she picks it up. It’s a text message from Danielle that reads “Check the top drawer of your nightstand.”
Rachel does and pulls out an envelope. She sits up and turns on the lamp on the beside table and begins reading.
I know it’s late but I just wanted to tell you guys something. I know it was hard saying goodbye today but I want you both to know that you’ve given me absolutely everything I’ll ever need to succeed in this world and I know that if there is something I need I can always come to you. You’re both such amazing mothers and I am so grateful for everything you ever did for me, the things I knew about and the things I didn’t.
Rachel-Mom, I know you sacrificed a lot for me and I promise you that I’ll make you proud and you won’t ever regret giving up Broadway. Don’t argue with me, either, I know you would’ve made it if you had given it a shot. I may not have been able to hear you sing but I could see it in your eyes when you did, I could see the passion.
Mom, I know you could’ve given me up and gone on living and not ever had to go through the frustration and pain of what you had to go through. You’re amazing and one of the strongest women I know and I hope that someday I can be half as brave as you and just as good a mother. You only ever did what you thought was best for me and you were selfless and gave up so much to make sure I had the best of everything and I’ll never be able to fully express how grateful I am every single day of my life for that.
I love you both more than words can express.
Always your baby girl,
D
Rachel folds up the letter and looks over at Quinn who now has a pillow covering her face to muffle the sobs.
“We did a damn good job,” Rachel says softly before pulling Quinn into a hug.
Quinn only nods and can feel absolutely nothing but pride and she knows that there was never anything wrong with her baby girl; she was and still is absolutely perfect. Quinn smiles and kisses Rachel before reaching to turn off the light and falling into bed with the woman that has stood by her side for eighteen years of frustration and tears. Her last coherent thought is that she can’t imagine her life any other way and she’s more than okay with that.
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Quinn, Puck, Quinn & Puck's daughter
Rating: PG-13 for language and mentions of sexytimes
Length: ~5,000 words
Summary: Quinn first notices a problem when her baby is three months old.
Author's Note: So I saw a prompt over on the glee_angst_meme that was "Drizzle is diagnosed with Tay-Sachs" and it caught my eye but then I looked at the details of what Tay-Sachs actually is...and no. Couldn't do it. Yes, the girl who wrote Silver Lining and killed off one half of her OTP has a line that she will not cross. So instead of giving the baby Tay-Sachs, I wrote this.
Also, it was madndizzee that had the choice of which fic I published today...so if you hate it, blame her =P
Quinn first notices there’s something wrong with her daughter, Danielle Ava Fabray (Danielle is as close to Drizzle as she wanted to get), when the baby is three months old. She doesn’t coo or try to imitate sounds like the books say she should be doing. The doctor says she might just be a quiet child. The first time Quinn calls bullshit on the doctor is when she’s in the Berrys’ kitchen with Danielle in her bouncy seat on the countertop. The infant is quiet and just wiggling and kicking her legs. Rachel drops two metal pans and their lids and the crash echoes off the walls and Rachel swears and even Quinn lets out a startled scream. Danielle doesn’t even blink, just keeps kicking as she had been doing before the crash and when Rachel asks if the baby is okay because of the noise Quinn just stares at Rachel and swallows hard.
“I…I don’t think she heard it,” Quinn finally chokes out. “She…Rachel…she didn’t do anything.”
Rachel throws the pans on the floor again and again and both girls watch the baby each time. She doesn’t do anything.
Quinn calls bullshit on the doctor a second time on the way out of his office after Danielle’s check-up. He didn’t even check the infant’s ears, just said Quinn was being paranoid and the baby was just content and never let anything bother her. Quinn is pissed because she heard him talking to his nurse on his way in the room about a ski trip he was leaving for in fifteen minutes and she knows that he just wanted to get in and out of there as quickly as possible. Quinn wants a second opinion but it’s hard to find a doctor in Lima that will accept her insurance; so they can do nothing but make phone calls and wait.
They know for sure the doctor is an idiot when Danielle is in the baby carrier snuggled closely to Rachel’s chest while the brunette is scrambling around in her room trying to find something to wear for Quinn one night. When Rachel stubs her foot on the corner of her bed and lets out a screech, Danielle doesn’t even raise her head.
Quinn gives up on finding an insurance approved doctor when Puck has Danielle for the day and accidentally bumps into his stereo and loud, high pitched guitars start playing and the baby in his arms doesn’t startle or look around. She just looks up at Puck and blinks. Quinn wants answers and she wants them now.
Puck goes with Quinn and Rachel to the new doctor’s office and Quinn makes sure the pediatrician does a thorough check of Danielle’s ears. The doctor looks in one ear and then the other. She has Quinn lay the baby down on the table and she stands out of sight and claps her hands a few times. Danielle only chews on her fingers and the doctor shakes her head and talks about more testing when Danielle gets older to see how bad it is. Quinn demands to get her tested right away but the doctor explains that her insurance is very picky about when the tests are done and she will have to wait. Later that night, Rachel holds Quinn from behind while Quinn holds her daughter in her arms and cries.
Three weeks after Danielle’s first birthday the otologist sits Quinn down in his office and tells her that Danielle has a ninety percent hearing loss in both ears and there is a possibility that it will only get worse with time but they won’t know until it happens. They don’t know what caused it, but they are fairly certain it was how she was born because no one can recall anything significant happening in the first few weeks of the baby’s life that could’ve caused it. Rachel holds Quinn again that night while she lays in bed and cries.
“What did I do, Rachel?” Quinn sobs. “Why is my baby being punished? I…I took care of myself, I took vitamins, I went to the doctor…”
“She’s not being punished,” Rachel says with a sigh. “Things…happen. Sometimes it just happens, that’s what the doctor said.”
“Screw the doctor!” Quinn cries. “I want to know why this happened to her!”
“Quinn…Quinn you can’t do this. You can’t focus on why this happened…”
Quinn sits up and sniffles. Her jaw trembles when she speaks and all Rachel can do is wrap an arm around her shoulders.
“But if I know why it happened then I can fix it! I’m her mother, that’s what I’m supposed to do, right? I’m supposed to fix everything! She scrapes her knee, I clean it and put a band-aid on it. She gets her heart broken and I beat the offender with a crow bar. What’s it say if I can’t fix the first problem my baby has?”
“It says you’re human,” Rachel whispers. “You’re just human, babe. There are some things that you can’t fix. Don’t think of it as a problem, think of it as a challenge. A challenge you can overcome.”
Quinn knows that even though Rachel is stoic and strong through the whole ordeal that she’s disappointed by it. She never talks about it, though. She lets Rachel keep up her appearance because she knows that if she brings Rachel down that there’s no hope for any of them. She knows Rachel wants to and will have to be the stronger one and because Quinn has no other choice, she accepts it. And she vows to do anything and everything she can for her daughter come hell or high water.
Rachel really is disappointed but she refuses to let it show. She knows she won’t be able to teach Danielle all the things she wanted to about music and Broadway. She does know, though, that Danielle can feel the beat from the bass when she puts her hand to the stereo speaker and Rachel is bound and determined that the girl will learn how to dance even if she has to get speakers installed in the floor so the baby can feel the beat.
They start going to sign language classes at the local community center and Rachel starts looking at early-childhood programs. There’s nothing nearby and so they talk to their teacher at the community center and she says she’d be happy to help them. Quinn explains her situation and says she can’t pay much. The woman still agrees to help and tells them she knows how difficult it is to find someone willing because of what her parents went through with her. Quinn’s already spending all of her money on bills from doctors and tests and she is grateful that she’s finally caught a break.
Danielle catches on quickly, more quickly than Rachel and Quinn did. Rachel says the child is a genius and will be the CEO of something someday if she’s not dancing. Quinn is just glad she’ll finally be able to communicate with her child.
The road isn’t easy. Quinn gets frustrated a lot when trying to keep Danielle’s attention and it takes a lot of patience from Rachel but when Quinn gets Danielle to sign something correctly and use it in the right context it’s worth the tears and the frustration. Rachel stands by her through it all; through the pain and the tears and the anger and the days when all Quinn wants is the answer to the question, “why?”
“Please, one more,” Quinn says even though she knows the infant can’t hear her. “Just one more tonight and we’ll be done.” She’s sitting on the floor of the infant’s room with various objects spread around them. Their current concentration is a spoon. Quinn repeats the motion over and over. The toddler is getting frustrated and all she does is throw the spoon under her crib and vent her frustrations by screaming and crying. Quinn just buries her head in her hands until she feels Rachel behind her gripping her shoulders.
“Why don’t you end it for tonight?” Rachel whispers. “It’s late and she’s frustrated and you’re frustrated and I’m frustrated because you’ve been exhausted for weeks and I want a little Quinn and Rachel grown-up time while you’re actually awake.”
Quinn groans and feels Rachel smile into her neck. “We’re not grown-ups, Rachel…we’re still kids, too.”
“I’m pretty sure what we do isn’t kid stuff. And you know it helps you relax.”
Quinn just sighs and she knows Rachel’s right. She gathers up all of the random objects in the floor and leaves to put them all away while Rachel calms the baby down and gets her changed into her pajamas. Quinn does indeed feel better a few hours later.
By Christmas break of senior year, Rachel has stopped talking about New York and Quinn starts to get worried. In March, Rachel tells her that Julliard rejected her, Quinn knows she’s lying because Rachel never sent in an audition CD. Quinn is kind of glad that Danielle can’t hear them because she yells at Rachel for at least an hour and Rachel stands there and takes it and simply tells Quinn that her priorities have changed and that right now Quinn needs to focus on taking care of her daughter, not on her.
Quinn is accepted to OSU with enough academic and art scholarships coupled with state grants to give her a free ride and has talked to the landlords of a few apartment complexes. Danielle is enrolled in the early-childhood program at the Ohio School for the Deaf in Columbus and thanks to Quinn being a single mother with limited income that will be attending school herself, the tuition is decreased significantly. Rachel won’t tell Quinn where she’s going to college until the day all of their boxes are packed. For someone damn good at not keeping secrets their sophomore year, Rachel has done outstanding for six months. When Rachel starts loading her things into the U-Haul trailer attached to the back of the Berry’s SUV the weekend Quinn and Danielle are to move to Columbus, Quinn cries. One of Rachel’s dads follows them in Quinn’s car to the city. Quinn breaks down and knows she would have collapsed had she been standing when Rachel’s dad that's driving the SUV containing them pulls into the driveway of a small house a few miles from campus, turns to the back seat, and says “welcome home, girls”. Rachel is just as stunned.
He explains that every penny Quinn paid them for rent or babysitting or payback for helping out with doctor’s bills has gone into an account for expenses involved in setting up a house. They got the property for a good deal, it was a bank foreclosure but the neighborhood is nice and in close proximity to just about everything. Rachel yells for her fathers having kept such a big secret from her. They remind her that she’s been keeping one just as big from Quinn. Quinn feels left out having no secrets at all other than the fact that she’s furious at Rachel for not going to school in New York when she knows Rachel got accepted to Columbia, she saw the acceptance letter herself.
Danielle graduates from the pre-school program to kindergarten when Rachel and Quinn are finishing up their junior year. They sit proudly in the audience with Rachel’s dads and wave their hands in excitement when Danielle walks across the stage. The young blonde signs “I love you” to them as she crosses the stage proudly and all four of the adults cry.
When Danielle starts speech therapy during kindergarten it’s almost as frustrating as when she started signing. She’s stubborn and refuses it at first because the first few sessions don’t allow her to become fluent immediately and she’s not one to do anything unless it’s perfect. Quinn sighs because she knows that Danielle got it from Rachel. They learn the first session that Danielle can already read lips a little bit because both Quinn and Rachel have taken to talking and signing whether they’re talking to her or not. She only responds with “I’ll never tell” and a giggle when they ask how long she’s been lip-reading. Quinn and Rachel both make mental notes to get completely out of the young blonde’s sight when they’re discussing something she doesn’t need to know about.
After their graduation Quinn and Rachel talk to Puck about signing over his parental rights. Despite having promised that he wasn’t going to abandon Quinn and the baby when they were in high school he hasn’t actually spent time with Danielle since Rachel and Quinn moved to Columbus. He has plenty of chances, Rachel says when he claims he doesn’t have time. Rachel and Quinn go to Lima for a few days every vacation they have and it’s not even a three hour drive. He consents but they still have to go to court and Rachel and Quinn almost find themselves in jail after the ordeal is finished.
“Mr. Puckerman,” the judge says, “you’ve consented to give up parental rights of one Danielle Ava Fabray, is that correct?”
“Yes,” Puck says confidently.
“Court records need reasoning for your decision.”
Puck shrugs. “I suck as a dad.”
“That’s all you have to say?” the judge looks over his half-moon glasses, unimpressed. Rachel and Quinn both see the look in the judge's eyes that say if it weren’t for the rules and regulations he’d sign the papers right then and there along with getting Puck sterilized.
“Look, I didn’t ask for this. I screwed up in high school and to be honest if she weren’t…if…it would be easier if…I’m just not cut out for raising a kid and I haven’t done much of it since they left anyways.”
Both women stand up at that and Rachel and Quinn are shoulder to shoulder when they storm up to Puck. The two bailiffs have to restrain them.
“You asshole!” Rachel screams. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“You worthless son of a bitch!” Quinn screeches. Everything she’s been holding in since Puck refused to see Danielle during their first holiday vacation comes pouring out. “Hard? Try raising a kid while going to college full time while her biological father doesn’t do a damn thing, that’s hard! It doesn’t matter that she’s deaf or not, Noah Puckerman! It’s hard and it would have been hard no matter if she was born hearing or blind or anything!”
Puck only shrugs and drops to his seat. “Sorry, Q. I tried, okay? It was easier when she was little because she either needed fed or changed. I can’t deal with…Listen, I’ll sign the papers and you can do what you want. You and I both know Rachel’s more of a parent to her than I am.”
“You know what?” Quinn growls when the bailiff pulls her back to her seat. “She’s better off without you. You think this isn’t considered being a deadbeat dad? You’re wrong. Not wanting to deal with a challenge this small…you’re pathetic.”
“I know,” he says. “Rachel will do better.”
Danielle has been waiting patiently in the lobby of the courthouse with Rachel’s dads and when they all emerge, papers in hand, Quinn notices Puck barely gives a second glance to the young blonde he hasn’t seen since she was a toddler. They decide, or rather Quinn insists, that while they’re at the courthouse to go ahead and fill out paperwork to have Danielle’s last name changed to Berry-Fabray.
Rachel gets a job teaching music at a Columbus elementary school right out of college. Quinn gets her business degree and Rachel says she can go to grad school if she wants and even though she knows things would work out, although they’d be tight for a while, Quinn declines. She wants to spend more time with Danielle before she goes back to get her masters. So Quinn gets her teaching certification as well and teaches accounting, personal finance, and economics at one of the local public high schools.
It’s two years after they’ve graduated when they decide they want another child. They sit down and discuss it with Danielle and she’s hesitant at first. When they ask why she’s hesitant their hearts break at the response.
“What if they’re deaf, too?” the eight year old signs. She’s still shy about speaking, even with Quinn and Rachel, because she knows it’s hard to understand her sometimes.
“Then they’ll be just as special as you, won’t they?” Rachel signs and speaks.
“Why would it be a problem?” Quinn asks, confused.
“Because I know it hasn’t been easy with me.”
Rachel and Quinn just stare at each other blankly. Yeah, it was really hard for a while when they were low on money and Rachel had to take two jobs so they could eat and pay Danielle’s tuition. It didn’t last long though because when the brunette collapsed during their junior year from exhaustion and was hospitalized for three days they had to accept help from Rachel’s dads and things had been okay from then on.
“Why would you say that?” Quinn asked. “You’re not the reason it wasn’t easy. Rachel refusing to buy generic brand soup is why it was hard.” Quinn smiles and Rachel playfully bats her arm.
“You think I don’t know it’s harder because I’m deaf?”
Rachel sighs. “D…It’s not…”
Danielle slaps down Rachel’s hands. “I know I’m only eight but I’m not stupid. Other kids have brothers and sisters who can hear and I know it’s easier for their parents with the hearing kids.”
Quinn gets Danielle’s attention and Quinn feels her cheeks turning red. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me,” Quinn signs and speaks furiously. “You are the reason why I went to live with Grandpa and Pop Berry which is where and when Rachel and I fell in love and why you have her as a mother, you know this. I would not love you any differently if you could hear. You’re my daughter, my baby girl, and I love you. Easy or hard, I love you and nothing will change that. Do you understand?”
Rachel has tears streaming and Danielle lets out a sigh and speaks. “Yes.”
Quinn pulls her in for a hug and Rachel wraps her arms around them both.
A year later Rachel gives birth to David Alexander Berry-Fabray. He’s three weeks old when it’s pointed out he has the exact same initials as his sister. Rachel and Quinn are slightly embarrassed. Danielle starts dance classes at the school and Quinn couldn’t be more proud. They sell the house and move into a bigger one in the same area. They find out when Rachel drops another pan that David can hear just fine because he’s startled and starts crying. Quinn is neither ecstatic nor disappointed and she makes sure to let Danielle know this over and over. They would have dealt with it if he was but it’s no different that he’s not.
Quinn doesn’t go to grad school. Instead she goes back to get a degree in math and she doesn’t regret it because now she’s teaching at Danielle’s high school and is not only a math teacher but assistant glee club adviser as well. Danielle is not exactly happy when as a freshman she walks into the glee club’s rehearsal space the first afternoon of practice and sees Quinn sitting there with a smile on her face. There’s words exchanged and Rachel learns a few new signs later that night that Danielle is grounded for.
Rachel has done more research than any one person has probably ever done on vocal training and she’s worked with Danielle and the speech therapists since the day she started therapy. Because of this it’s no surprise that Danielle is selected as the soloist for glee club and she really does sound good, not just to her biased mothers’ ears. Rachel comes in and works with the choir on choreography and Danielle is even more embarrassed but she gets over it quickly when the director decides to enter them in competition. They go up against McKinley at sectionals and Rachel and Quinn see Mr. Schuester for the first time in over a decade. He has three children with him, all with curly, red hair and the former Ms. Pillsbury is at his side a few minutes later after making a trip to the bathroom because their fourth child is doing a tap-dance on her bladder and both Rachel and Quinn laugh at remembering how that was.
Rachel and Quinn agree that it sounds clichéd but Danielle’s school and New Directions split the four judges in half and tie. The Show Choir board agrees to let both schools through to regionals but they both lose to Vocal Adrenaline who have been on a comeback streak for the last three years after having been beaten by New Directions every year since Rachel and Quinn’s sophomore year.
Danielle loves being a big sister. She’s loved it from the day she first met her little brother when she was nine. She remembers her Pop Berry holding her hand and leading her through the hallway in the hospital to Rachel’s room. She remembers being scared because hospitals were places for sick people and she didn’t want her Rachel-Mom to be sick but when she saw that Rachel was sitting up in bed with a smile on her face and a bundle of blue blankets in her arms she knew Rachel was okay.
Rachel and Quinn joked with Danielle when David was a baby that the only reason Danielle loved him so much was that she couldn’t hear him cry constantly when he had colic or was teething. Danielle teaches him to swear in sign when Rachel and Quinn aren’t looking but getting grounded is worth it because that’s what older siblings are supposed to do.
Danielle gets her heart broken for the first time her sophomore year. Rachel and Quinn can’t figure out how to get her to come out of her room because she’s locked the door and yelling is pointless. They enlist the help of David after four hours and Rachel tells him that this time and this time only he can climb up the trellis on the side of the house and into his sister’s room. Rachel watches from outside and Quinn stands by the door. They both hear the shriek when David gets the window open and he scrambles out of his sister’s room when he finally gets the door open. Danielle is yelling at him and Quinn is trying to keep the door open while Rachel runs back inside and up the stairs.
“Baby girl, please…” Quinn pleads. “Please talk to us.”
“I’m not a baby!”
“We know,” Rachel says.
“No, you don’t! You two have been together since you were in high school, you don’t know!”
Quinn sighs. She feels like a horrible mother and so does Rachel because they’ve never sat down and told her absolutely everything surrounding her birth because for so long Danielle blamed herself when things were hard. They decide to wait on the details but Rachel does tell her that she did date Finn for a brief period of time before she and Quinn got together but he broke up with her for letting Quinn live with her and her dads.
Danielle’s reaction is what they expected when they do tell her about “Babygate ‘09”.
“So I really did ruin your lives?”
Quinn growls. “How many times have I told you that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me?”
“Too damn many.”
“Language,” Rachel reminds her. “If none of that had ever happened then…I don’t want to think about it. I love you, Quinn loves you, your grandfathers love you and David tolerates you.” Danielle giggles. “You are so special, D. You brought Quinn and me together and you made me realize that being in the spotlight isn’t the most important thing in life. I would rather be teaching music and have you and your mother and your brother in my life than be on Broadway and go home to an empty apartment.”
“Is it bad that I don’t remember him at all? Puck?”
“You were only two when we moved,” Quinn says. “We didn’t expect you to remember him. If you want to meet him…”
“No. I’ve done just fine without him, haven’t I? He couldn’t handle me then and he doesn’t deserve me now.”
Quinn and Rachel both smile.
Both women cry when Danielle is accepted to NYU with a full-ride academic scholarship. They cry even more at graduation and Rachel almost faints when she spots a tall, tan man with a mohawk in the crowd. They see him in the lobby after the ceremony and Quinn, Rachel, David, and Rachel’s dads are surrounding Danielle and hugging her when Puck walks up.
“I looked online at the dates,” he says.
Danielle furrows her eyebrows and looks at Quinn and Rachel.
“Why are you here, Noah?” Rachel asks furiously. “You’re not her father anymore, remember?”
“I just wanted…I wanted to make sure she’s okay.”
Before Quinn can say anything Danielle steps forward and glares at the man.
“Danielle…”
“Don’t. You’ve seen that I’m fine. I’ve graduated. I got a full ride scholarship to NYU. Honestly? I don’t want anything to do with you. Quinn and Rachel are my parents…you’re just the DNA provider.”
Rachel cries again.
The first night back in their home after getting Danielle set up in her dorm at NYU Rachel and Quinn settle into their bed and they’re both attempting to hold back the tears they feel threatening to spill over. The house just feels emptier.
“Do you remember when she was three months old and you dropped those pots in the kitchen?” Quinn sniffles.
“Of course.”
“I was so scared, Rachel. At that point I didn’t know if we’d ever see our baby go to school or off to college…I just didn’t know. I didn’t know how to raise a deaf child. I didn’t know what she’d be able to do…I…didn’t know she’d turn out to be this amazing. And I feel so horrible for ever thinking that she would be anything less than awesome.”
“It was a scary time, babe. I was scared, too.”
“You were so strong, Rach. I don’t know what I would’ve done if it hadn’t been for you. I know there’s no way I would’ve made it through if you hadn’t been there with me when I hit bottom a few times.”
“I love you; you know I would’ve been there for you no matter what.”
“I love you, too.”
“We did a good job though, didn’t we?”
Quinn nods.
“Now if we can just get David to stop his fascination with fireworks we’ll be good to go.”
Quinn laughs and kisses Rachel and before she can get much further Rachel’s phone beeps and she picks it up. It’s a text message from Danielle that reads “Check the top drawer of your nightstand.”
Rachel does and pulls out an envelope. She sits up and turns on the lamp on the beside table and begins reading.
I know it’s late but I just wanted to tell you guys something. I know it was hard saying goodbye today but I want you both to know that you’ve given me absolutely everything I’ll ever need to succeed in this world and I know that if there is something I need I can always come to you. You’re both such amazing mothers and I am so grateful for everything you ever did for me, the things I knew about and the things I didn’t.
Rachel-Mom, I know you sacrificed a lot for me and I promise you that I’ll make you proud and you won’t ever regret giving up Broadway. Don’t argue with me, either, I know you would’ve made it if you had given it a shot. I may not have been able to hear you sing but I could see it in your eyes when you did, I could see the passion.
Mom, I know you could’ve given me up and gone on living and not ever had to go through the frustration and pain of what you had to go through. You’re amazing and one of the strongest women I know and I hope that someday I can be half as brave as you and just as good a mother. You only ever did what you thought was best for me and you were selfless and gave up so much to make sure I had the best of everything and I’ll never be able to fully express how grateful I am every single day of my life for that.
I love you both more than words can express.
Always your baby girl,
D
Rachel folds up the letter and looks over at Quinn who now has a pillow covering her face to muffle the sobs.
“We did a damn good job,” Rachel says softly before pulling Quinn into a hug.
Quinn only nods and can feel absolutely nothing but pride and she knows that there was never anything wrong with her baby girl; she was and still is absolutely perfect. Quinn smiles and kisses Rachel before reaching to turn off the light and falling into bed with the woman that has stood by her side for eighteen years of frustration and tears. Her last coherent thought is that she can’t imagine her life any other way and she’s more than okay with that.