things are ok
i haven't been around much and for that i'm sorry.
it's getting a little less painful day by day. i am not crying all the time only sometimes and it seems as if the nightmares have faded as well.
the pain is still there of course, but i think i'll replace that soon enough with some sex and fun. perhaps some fun sex.
honestly, i am aware of things i never thought i knew. i see the forest for the trees.
my parents divorced when i was 2.
for the first four years of my life, i lived either in a home with mom and dad or just mom.
mom met Ray and my life changed. from 4 - 16 i lived with a man who was physically and emotionally violent towards me everyday.
she divorced him and we moved out. in the new neighborhood i was raped. the new plavce was no longer safe either.
i went to college at 17 and lived in the dorms for a year.
i met justin shortly thereafter. and after 8 years, i discover that the "home" i was in was not a place of emotional saftey either.
so i moved out on 8/5. and after all of the calculations have been done, i have lived in a traumatizing environment for 21 years.
I am in fact only 5 years old.
i'll be throwing a "rebirthing" party i think at some point. it was so overwhelming when i put this all together. even now it brings me to tears to think of how much pain there was. and how i am so proud of myself for making it through everything despite the consequences. and more importantly, i am grateful for having a mind that allows me to embrace these thoughts.
i hope you are all well and at some point, i'll read what you have written and learn from you...until then go out and enjoy the world...i am.
it's getting a little less painful day by day. i am not crying all the time only sometimes and it seems as if the nightmares have faded as well.
the pain is still there of course, but i think i'll replace that soon enough with some sex and fun. perhaps some fun sex.
honestly, i am aware of things i never thought i knew. i see the forest for the trees.
my parents divorced when i was 2.
for the first four years of my life, i lived either in a home with mom and dad or just mom.
mom met Ray and my life changed. from 4 - 16 i lived with a man who was physically and emotionally violent towards me everyday.
she divorced him and we moved out. in the new neighborhood i was raped. the new plavce was no longer safe either.
i went to college at 17 and lived in the dorms for a year.
i met justin shortly thereafter. and after 8 years, i discover that the "home" i was in was not a place of emotional saftey either.
so i moved out on 8/5. and after all of the calculations have been done, i have lived in a traumatizing environment for 21 years.
I am in fact only 5 years old.
i'll be throwing a "rebirthing" party i think at some point. it was so overwhelming when i put this all together. even now it brings me to tears to think of how much pain there was. and how i am so proud of myself for making it through everything despite the consequences. and more importantly, i am grateful for having a mind that allows me to embrace these thoughts.
i hope you are all well and at some point, i'll read what you have written and learn from you...until then go out and enjoy the world...i am.