what a moonday
I can’t believe these last few days. Even the last few months really have been mind-boggling. Everything is steam rolling ahead and I just don’t know where my head is. I think I know, but then something dramatic and crazy happens like Justin getting fired. Or you happen to find a roommate and the room is available pronto so suddenly you’re packing.
It’s so scary to think about everything changing, but I’m not as frightened as I could be. I know I can take care of myself and function as a normal adult, but my heart is racing all the time and my stomach is in knots.
I feel awestruck by it all. My parents now know and my Dad’s only reaction was, “Why didn’t you tell me when I was down there last month? I’m not mad, just curious.” I told him that everything was still up in the air and I didn’t want to say anything since nothing was final. He understood, so I’m waiting to hear from Mom. That should be interesting. I’m not expecting a lecture, but you never know with Rita.
Above it all, I still love him and although everyone is telling me not to help him, I have the let’s say the immediate feeling of obligation to help. And despite valid warnings, I’ll help but just not to the extreme I have in the past. I feel really shitty about the divorce, my move and his termination all-occurring around the same time. And I can’t stop this boulder from rolling down the hill.
I also have to concentrate on myself and this is something that I’ve been slacking on. Now that I am paying more attention, I’m seeing that I really need some TLC. I am so grateful for the fact that I have some good people in my life to help me out. I still feel so damn nauseous today though. My stomach is twisting and turning and I feel shaky. I don’t know why I’m such a wreck today when I just found out good news that I now have a place to move to. I feel so anxious about it all. I really wish that I had some paid vacation time to chill out. You know it’s bad when work doesn’t even take your mind off of it. Or when you’re drunk and high and still your mind runs on and on.
I’m such a mess…lol…but I feel all right. If the gymnastics decathlon would cease in my belly, I know it would be better. And soon, I’ll sleep again and be able to eat too. Until then, I’ll get by. Trudging through the anxiety to the end of Chaos Road, is a place where tranquility meets hope.
It’s so scary to think about everything changing, but I’m not as frightened as I could be. I know I can take care of myself and function as a normal adult, but my heart is racing all the time and my stomach is in knots.
I feel awestruck by it all. My parents now know and my Dad’s only reaction was, “Why didn’t you tell me when I was down there last month? I’m not mad, just curious.” I told him that everything was still up in the air and I didn’t want to say anything since nothing was final. He understood, so I’m waiting to hear from Mom. That should be interesting. I’m not expecting a lecture, but you never know with Rita.
Above it all, I still love him and although everyone is telling me not to help him, I have the let’s say the immediate feeling of obligation to help. And despite valid warnings, I’ll help but just not to the extreme I have in the past. I feel really shitty about the divorce, my move and his termination all-occurring around the same time. And I can’t stop this boulder from rolling down the hill.
I also have to concentrate on myself and this is something that I’ve been slacking on. Now that I am paying more attention, I’m seeing that I really need some TLC. I am so grateful for the fact that I have some good people in my life to help me out. I still feel so damn nauseous today though. My stomach is twisting and turning and I feel shaky. I don’t know why I’m such a wreck today when I just found out good news that I now have a place to move to. I feel so anxious about it all. I really wish that I had some paid vacation time to chill out. You know it’s bad when work doesn’t even take your mind off of it. Or when you’re drunk and high and still your mind runs on and on.
I’m such a mess…lol…but I feel all right. If the gymnastics decathlon would cease in my belly, I know it would be better. And soon, I’ll sleep again and be able to eat too. Until then, I’ll get by. Trudging through the anxiety to the end of Chaos Road, is a place where tranquility meets hope.