Self, meet self recrimination
Been suffering a lot lately. That sounds weird. What I mean is that I have been having wave upon wave of self-doubt and recrimination. Stupid, lazy, unmotivated, worthless, over and over again and I can only lay in my bed and try to escape. I wonder if I've wasted two years and a whole lot of money. Would love to teach college but I am probably
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A masters program can really wear one down. Just because things get frustrating at times, doesn't mean that you aren't good enough or smart enough or talented enough to make it. It is designed to confound you and challenge your wits. The only ones who don't make it are those who let their wits get to them and throw in the towel. I feel like these programs are designed to one-up you in everything: For example, I say "man, I really enjoy history and all it entails-- the connections made from it, the theories of motivation, everything!" A masters program says, "oh yeah motherfucker? Write me 12 papers including 4 research papers on the same damn topic in one semester. How do you like history now?"
I have never been up to Ohio to see you or your program, but knowing the kind of crap you've been through it seems like the same thing. You say, "Theatre rocks your mom! I'm going to high-tail it into a program with other people who love the theatre as much as me!" and then when you get there, some dickwad says "here is a pile of work. Do it. By yourself."
There is one absolute to a masters program, however. Once the two years of hell are done, no one can ever take that MA away from the end of your name. Whether you are in any kind of mood to accept it or not, you are an extremely talented person whose creativity is fueled by the red hot passion burning inside you even as you yell obsenities from your window. I've known you for almost 5 years now, consider you a very close friend, and still have yet to mine to the core of your complexities. You can do it, and deep in your heart, you know you will do it. I believe in you and so does everyone who loves you.
Now go break some shit.
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