White Lie 1/1
White Lie
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG-13
Words: 700
Warnings: Schmoop, angst and teenager-problems ^^
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. It's a lie.
Prompt by sijay : white lie
Summary: Sometimes there’s just no good way to tell the truth and what’s so bad about a little white lie, right?
“I love you”, he said with a breathless voice that was so sexy and so heartbreaking because I could tell that he was nervous, scared. He rolled towards me arm slipping over my naked stomach as he leaned against my side propped up on one ellbow while smiling down with what was supposed to be his boisterous, overwhelming grin. There were the dimples that were his trademark but I could tell by the way the edges of his grin were trembling ever so slightly that he was unsure inside. He worried.
And, damn me for being such a horrible person, he had all reason to because those words were huge and I knew for a fact that he had never said them before. Neither had I and it wasn’t really a surprise since we were sixteen and this, here, in my bedroom while my parents were gone to visit my grandma, had been both our first time.
I looked up at him, eyes skimming that smiling face, the hazel eyes which I knew since I was eight, and I knew that there was no way to tell him the truth: that I didn’t know if I loved him, that I didn’t know if what I felt for him, the protectiveness and the way I missed him when he wasn’t there was love or just need. How could I know when I was only sixteen? How could I tell a difference between love and lust.
Of course for Jared things were different because he had that weird instant connection with his feelings, that pipeline to his heart that always told him what to do on instinct and was always right even if in the long-run it often ended in him being hurt because an honest, good person had no place in this world. If Jared said he loved me then that’s what he did and the sheer knowledge of that was like a slap in the face because let’s face it, who expected to fall in love with their best friend, with their first fling, the first homosexual experimentation. The spunk on the sheets - and damn I’d have to do laundry later - wasn’t even dry and I knew that it had been as good as I could have expected a first time to be but it wasn’t like that meant I was gay or not at least bi. So speaking of love was so weird, so unexpected that I felt simply unable to wrap my head around the concept when my mind was still swimming with the aftershocks of an orgasm.
In my loss for words all I did was reach up and tangle my fingers into that floppy chestnut hair and pull him down to kiss him once more. This was something I knew how to do, something I wouldn’t fall short at and it gave me a second to think it over because Jared might be tall and bouncy and so full of energy but I knew him and as much as he carried his heart on his sleeve, he was easily hurt by cruel words or rejection. When that happened, I was the one he came to, the one he would hide at, the one he would cry in front of. If I was the one to shatter that big heart, he would have nowhere to go and I knew that he would not take such a rejection lightly.
So when we broke apart for air I kept my eyes closed and his face next to mine and when I spoke my lips brushed against his. “I love you, too.”
It wasn’t a lie because I didn’t know it to be untrue. But then I didn’t know it to be true either.
Some things are just impossible to express without hurting someone in a way they don’t deserve, so if I lied, it wasn’t out of any malicious intent. It was just a little white lie and maybe, in the end, it would turn true.
*
>>Sequel: Don't Think - Jared makes sure Jensen stops over-thinking things. NC17
*hugs* Birdie
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG-13
Words: 700
Warnings: Schmoop, angst and teenager-problems ^^
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. It's a lie.
Prompt by sijay : white lie
Summary: Sometimes there’s just no good way to tell the truth and what’s so bad about a little white lie, right?
“I love you”, he said with a breathless voice that was so sexy and so heartbreaking because I could tell that he was nervous, scared. He rolled towards me arm slipping over my naked stomach as he leaned against my side propped up on one ellbow while smiling down with what was supposed to be his boisterous, overwhelming grin. There were the dimples that were his trademark but I could tell by the way the edges of his grin were trembling ever so slightly that he was unsure inside. He worried.
And, damn me for being such a horrible person, he had all reason to because those words were huge and I knew for a fact that he had never said them before. Neither had I and it wasn’t really a surprise since we were sixteen and this, here, in my bedroom while my parents were gone to visit my grandma, had been both our first time.
I looked up at him, eyes skimming that smiling face, the hazel eyes which I knew since I was eight, and I knew that there was no way to tell him the truth: that I didn’t know if I loved him, that I didn’t know if what I felt for him, the protectiveness and the way I missed him when he wasn’t there was love or just need. How could I know when I was only sixteen? How could I tell a difference between love and lust.
Of course for Jared things were different because he had that weird instant connection with his feelings, that pipeline to his heart that always told him what to do on instinct and was always right even if in the long-run it often ended in him being hurt because an honest, good person had no place in this world. If Jared said he loved me then that’s what he did and the sheer knowledge of that was like a slap in the face because let’s face it, who expected to fall in love with their best friend, with their first fling, the first homosexual experimentation. The spunk on the sheets - and damn I’d have to do laundry later - wasn’t even dry and I knew that it had been as good as I could have expected a first time to be but it wasn’t like that meant I was gay or not at least bi. So speaking of love was so weird, so unexpected that I felt simply unable to wrap my head around the concept when my mind was still swimming with the aftershocks of an orgasm.
In my loss for words all I did was reach up and tangle my fingers into that floppy chestnut hair and pull him down to kiss him once more. This was something I knew how to do, something I wouldn’t fall short at and it gave me a second to think it over because Jared might be tall and bouncy and so full of energy but I knew him and as much as he carried his heart on his sleeve, he was easily hurt by cruel words or rejection. When that happened, I was the one he came to, the one he would hide at, the one he would cry in front of. If I was the one to shatter that big heart, he would have nowhere to go and I knew that he would not take such a rejection lightly.
So when we broke apart for air I kept my eyes closed and his face next to mine and when I spoke my lips brushed against his. “I love you, too.”
It wasn’t a lie because I didn’t know it to be untrue. But then I didn’t know it to be true either.
Some things are just impossible to express without hurting someone in a way they don’t deserve, so if I lied, it wasn’t out of any malicious intent. It was just a little white lie and maybe, in the end, it would turn true.
*
>>Sequel: Don't Think - Jared makes sure Jensen stops over-thinking things. NC17
*hugs* Birdie