Oooooh, this was awesome! The werewolf-theme is kinda "in" these days, but this one was especially to my liking. It reads more real than most of which I've read before, and not just because Jensen wasn't some whiny bitch *eyeroll* but a strong, self-assured fighter.
I liked your explanation of beta and alpha, and I really smiled when it was the alphas that got into heat! So cool!
And wow, you got the fighting-scenes down to pat, so full of action and descriptions of the moves, that was fun to read and the friendship between Jared and Jensen, and how Jared's father wasn't on board at first but came around to it.
This is really one of the best werewolf-stories I read so far, and I have to say, in all of your fics I've read you really manage to make BOTH characters smart and capable. It's a new kink of mine: strong characters with a brain and their own will.
Uh, I hope you don't mind a suggestion for further stories? It was given to me by my friend because I did the same thing before: Try to use more "didn't" or "haven't" or similar short-phrases for "did not"... It reads a bit stiff at times when you write it in two words. And then... ah, don't hate me :-( In this story, you used "green eyes" quite a lot, and you used it like "Green eyes looked at him". I'd suggest (very timidly, because I know how critique can sometimes sting) that you use that phrase a little less? Once or twice is ok, but I actually felt the need to skip over those words.
Ah, don't hate me for saying that. Please, feel free to continue as you did before, it's really just a suggestion. I'd still read anything you write here, because you have a smart mind for plots! That's really something, considering that I get the feeling sometimes that some authors have NO imagination.
Ok, shutting up now. Off to read "Damaged Goods", I think, or something else.
Hehe. no hard feeling about your critique! I know about the didn't vs. did not thing... I know on a conscious level that I do it but when typing it just comes out that way xD I edit it sometimes when rereading and my beta does change it too at times. It's just this things with habíts, you know? I also know that I use the green eyes sometimes too much. Just like i tend to say "the other man" because I hate using Jared, Jared, Jared, Jared in every sentence, so I either say stuff like "the alpha" or "the other man" or I use phases that indicate who it is without saying it directly (e.g. green eyes, floppy hair, flreckled nose and other clichés!). I am tryyying to mix them up but I fail sometimes, especially when I make breaks inbetween writing the scenes and don't have the words I already used in mind. I actually used the green eye things a lot less in the last 2 stories I'm writing on and got annoyed by saying Jared Jared Jared Jensen Jensen Jared again :P because I also tried to tone down studd like "the taller man". It's really hard with 2 guys because you can't say "he" and "she" and saying he he he often gets the characters mixed up. I'm still trying to find the perfect balance ;D ESPECIALLY in scenes that are only JAred and Jensen together...
I looooove writing action scenes and fight sequences. they are so much fun! :D plots... I find myself unable to write a story without a plot or with a "simple" plot. hehe. guess that's a good neurosis :P
*whew* Glad you're not mad. Yeah, I know what you mean with the "he", "he", "he". I kinda have the problem with Sam and Dean and it's really kinda bad to always say "brother" and attach stuff like "taller", "older", "younger"... to it. I stopped trying to vary the attributes and now I just write he and/or the name more often, trying to fit the sentence in such a way that it's clear who is meant. Dunno if that's the better way, I've had people telling me that it's hard to keep track of who's who.
Whatever. Writing is hard, and man, it would be so awesome if there was a device that wrote the story that you got in your head without bothering you to actually TYPE it, right? I've got tons of plot in my brain but I lack time and patience to put them to paper. Good thing you've got more stuff written - I just amuse myself here :-D
I liked your explanation of beta and alpha, and I really smiled when it was the alphas that got into heat! So cool!
And wow, you got the fighting-scenes down to pat, so full of action and descriptions of the moves, that was fun to read and the friendship between Jared and Jensen, and how Jared's father wasn't on board at first but came around to it.
This is really one of the best werewolf-stories I read so far, and I have to say, in all of your fics I've read you really manage to make BOTH characters smart and capable. It's a new kink of mine: strong characters with a brain and their own will.
Uh, I hope you don't mind a suggestion for further stories? It was given to me by my friend because I did the same thing before:
Try to use more "didn't" or "haven't" or similar short-phrases for "did not"...
It reads a bit stiff at times when you write it in two words.
And then... ah, don't hate me :-(
In this story, you used "green eyes" quite a lot, and you used it like "Green eyes looked at him". I'd suggest (very timidly, because I know how critique can sometimes sting) that you use that phrase a little less? Once or twice is ok, but I actually felt the need to skip over those words.
Ah, don't hate me for saying that. Please, feel free to continue as you did before, it's really just a suggestion. I'd still read anything you write here, because you have a smart mind for plots! That's really something, considering that I get the feeling sometimes that some authors have NO imagination.
Ok, shutting up now. Off to read "Damaged Goods", I think, or something else.
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I know about the didn't vs. did not thing... I know on a conscious level that I do it but when typing it just comes out that way xD I edit it sometimes when rereading and my beta does change it too at times. It's just this things with habíts, you know?
I also know that I use the green eyes sometimes too much. Just like i tend to say "the other man" because I hate using Jared, Jared, Jared, Jared in every sentence, so I either say stuff like "the alpha" or "the other man" or I use phases that indicate who it is without saying it directly (e.g. green eyes, floppy hair, flreckled nose and other clichés!). I am tryyying to mix them up but I fail sometimes, especially when I make breaks inbetween writing the scenes and don't have the words I already used in mind.
I actually used the green eye things a lot less in the last 2 stories I'm writing on and got annoyed by saying Jared Jared Jared Jensen Jensen Jared again :P because I also tried to tone down studd like "the taller man".
It's really hard with 2 guys because you can't say "he" and "she" and saying he he he often gets the characters mixed up.
I'm still trying to find the perfect balance ;D ESPECIALLY in scenes that are only JAred and Jensen together...
I looooove writing action scenes and fight sequences. they are so much fun! :D
plots... I find myself unable to write a story without a plot or with a "simple" plot. hehe. guess that's a good neurosis :P
Reply
Glad you're not mad.
Yeah, I know what you mean with the "he", "he", "he". I kinda have the problem with Sam and Dean and it's really kinda bad to always say "brother" and attach stuff like "taller", "older", "younger"... to it.
I stopped trying to vary the attributes and now I just write he and/or the name more often, trying to fit the sentence in such a way that it's clear who is meant.
Dunno if that's the better way, I've had people telling me that it's hard to keep track of who's who.
Whatever. Writing is hard, and man, it would be so awesome if there was a device that wrote the story that you got in your head without bothering you to actually TYPE it, right? I've got tons of plot in my brain but I lack time and patience to put them to paper. Good thing you've got more stuff written - I just amuse myself here :-D
Reply
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