The index finger.
A few days ago i was in the store and the man behind me happened to be an amputee. Now this didn't bother me, but it did leave an itch in my subconscious. As little as i like to admit it, i have a horrible fear of becoming an amputee. Some people pray for world peace, while i pray selfishly to leave this life fully intact. I have no idea if this is normal and it makes me feel like a bad person. i mean sure, i don't want the children in Africa to starve, but me missing a body part won't help solve it, nor will it make my urge to save them any deeper. i think it would actually hinder the process of feeding them. i see it as, i'm missing an arm, therefore, i lose my career and would never have sufficient funds to sponsor or adopt and African child, to save them from their plight.
Having said that, I didn't think of this man again until i got a huge paper cut, hence rendering my thumb useless for the day. This thumb incident then sent me into a flash back. sending me back to about a year ago when i injured the index finger on my dominate hand. i was trying to cut open a bag, when the knife unexpectedly took a turn and came back in the same direction slicing open my finger. i had to go to a walk-in clinic to get glued shut, taped up, put in a little finger cast, get it covered in gaze and then instructed to try and always have it elevated, so as to slow the non-stop bleeding. This flashback sent me spiraling into the world of WHAT IFS. What if i had lost my finger? what if i had damaged a nerve? WHAT IF if it never healed? WHAT IF IT got infected? WHAT IF I ENDED UP LOSING MY ARM? Each question growing louder in my head. I vowed to never us a sharp knife again. well at least until my finger is healed and the terror of knifes recedes.
Thankfully the wound healed and i was able to move on with my life. That is until the man and his missing leg alongside the paper cut came into my life. That night as i was laying in bed with my freshly wrapped thumb, i thought of those days in the finger cast. I could only imagine the torment of day to day life with a missing body part. You think life is fun and games and then wham! your right index finger is gone. OH, the things you would miss. It never occurs until it is to late. The simple things in life raped from you.
scenario #1
STRANGER: Hey can you tell me which way to the bathroom.
ME: "UMM..."(using a formal open palm) "it's in that direction, after you." (or you could always do the thumb.) "its ah thatah away."(throwing in the head nod to add the perfect touch) these technique used to over compensate the missing finger.
scenario #2
a friend offers you a can of soda. You accept and upon attempting to opening the can you again notice the vacancy of your once whole extremity. Your built in beverage opener lost to this cruel, cruel world.
scenario #3
A long drive home from a visit to a friends. You refuse to make a pit stop urning for your own clean bathroom. You make it home. rush to the bathroom, where you discover the accursed button. haunting you, mocking you, knowing that it will take you an extra 30 seconds to get your pants down do to the phantom finger.
scenario #4
When sent home from school one day, you discover that your assignment is to discuss and list the many uses of the letter J using as many words as possible beginning with that letter. Upon starting you essay you notice the naked letter on you keyboard, exposed to the elements, just J.
As i start to drift of with all these images floating around in my head, i plea and bargain with god once more before drifting of. Please let me leave this world fully intact, please!!!!
P.S. upon finishing this short story i read it to my mom. Who simply replied. what if you had lost all your fingers? and reminded me to make sure that people know that i know i'm being selfish.
Having said that, I didn't think of this man again until i got a huge paper cut, hence rendering my thumb useless for the day. This thumb incident then sent me into a flash back. sending me back to about a year ago when i injured the index finger on my dominate hand. i was trying to cut open a bag, when the knife unexpectedly took a turn and came back in the same direction slicing open my finger. i had to go to a walk-in clinic to get glued shut, taped up, put in a little finger cast, get it covered in gaze and then instructed to try and always have it elevated, so as to slow the non-stop bleeding. This flashback sent me spiraling into the world of WHAT IFS. What if i had lost my finger? what if i had damaged a nerve? WHAT IF if it never healed? WHAT IF IT got infected? WHAT IF I ENDED UP LOSING MY ARM? Each question growing louder in my head. I vowed to never us a sharp knife again. well at least until my finger is healed and the terror of knifes recedes.
Thankfully the wound healed and i was able to move on with my life. That is until the man and his missing leg alongside the paper cut came into my life. That night as i was laying in bed with my freshly wrapped thumb, i thought of those days in the finger cast. I could only imagine the torment of day to day life with a missing body part. You think life is fun and games and then wham! your right index finger is gone. OH, the things you would miss. It never occurs until it is to late. The simple things in life raped from you.
scenario #1
STRANGER: Hey can you tell me which way to the bathroom.
ME: "UMM..."(using a formal open palm) "it's in that direction, after you." (or you could always do the thumb.) "its ah thatah away."(throwing in the head nod to add the perfect touch) these technique used to over compensate the missing finger.
scenario #2
a friend offers you a can of soda. You accept and upon attempting to opening the can you again notice the vacancy of your once whole extremity. Your built in beverage opener lost to this cruel, cruel world.
scenario #3
A long drive home from a visit to a friends. You refuse to make a pit stop urning for your own clean bathroom. You make it home. rush to the bathroom, where you discover the accursed button. haunting you, mocking you, knowing that it will take you an extra 30 seconds to get your pants down do to the phantom finger.
scenario #4
When sent home from school one day, you discover that your assignment is to discuss and list the many uses of the letter J using as many words as possible beginning with that letter. Upon starting you essay you notice the naked letter on you keyboard, exposed to the elements, just J.
As i start to drift of with all these images floating around in my head, i plea and bargain with god once more before drifting of. Please let me leave this world fully intact, please!!!!
P.S. upon finishing this short story i read it to my mom. Who simply replied. what if you had lost all your fingers? and reminded me to make sure that people know that i know i'm being selfish.