nothin says lovin like somethin from the oven.
so much shit's been goin on. between becoming friendlier with a long-time drug dealer and convincing him to hire me for a tele-marketing job, to getting to know my step-father a hell of a lot better. he's actually not that bad of a guy. from becoming a certified ordained minister, going to a yankee game with me mum, dreaming squirrels were chasing me everywhere i went, to nearly breaking up with my girlfriend. tangent. i'm not gonna name names or anything and no livejournal beef for me tonight, thanks. in fact, it doesnt even really bother me that much anymore...but it's my journal and i feel like telling you the only way you'll probably listen. with no room for retort. the stunt you pulled was by far the skeeziest thing i've ever witnessed done outside the actions of "skeezy mike". true, with a sober head you may not have intended to do what you did, but some may say that one's true feelings or intentions come through when they're intoxicated. you must have really laid it on thick to heather, you're quite the storyteller, i'm sure. but the true kicker is, if you respected me, heather, or our relationship at all, you wouldnt have said jack shit. why?...is my true question. a question i dont really even want answered. what you and i shared, emphasis on the e-d...was uncomfortable, difficult, awkward, and just didnt seem right for the both of us. i'm happy now. i'm with a girl that loves and respects me as much as i do her. finally. you must just be jealous. and theeennnn for you to try to kiss my girlfriend after i walk out...that's low. even for you. and as a side note...i swear...try to make a move on my girl again...let me even see you put your hands on her in a sexual manner you will learn the definition of "molly wop". i've never hit a girl before in an aggressive way, but i swear to you, do something, and i will straight break your jaw. i dont mind my girlfriend making out with other girls, but what you did has seriously raised your status on the skeezy scale. look out mike...make room on the mantle...here comes what's her face!!! just dont do it. for your benefit. now listen, you were a cool friend to me. i will never discount that. but damn, come out of left field, why dontcha. i didnt really expect this sort of thing from you. and yes, if you havent guessed by now, i AM rather pissed with you. that was some seriously underhanded, dirty shit you pulled. such intentions. who taught you to act like that? this sort of thing makes me wonder that you and mike might just be perfect for one another. dont call and try to be all apologetic and whatnot, cuz i'm certain i'll just end up cursing you out. guising your intentions under a girl-girl convo about how you despise all your friends and are so saddened by their lack of maturity. if everyone's pissing you off so much, acting less mature than the 'queen of maturity' over here, and you really cant stand them anymore...you said it before...GET NEW FRIENDS! simple as a pimple. just go away. saying your name right now puts a bad taste in my mouth. "and like...no offense or anything"...but i'd suggest staying away from heather. she just might wanna kick your ass. and i'm certain 'might' and 'just' are definite understatements. peas.
for those of us lacking in the gentlemanly department, a couple tips from Uncle Dante...
"Fuck Her Gently"
This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard
Tip #2 from the man who donned the phrase "g-spot"...
"there is no spot in the female body, from which sexual desire could not be aroused. Innumerable erotogenic spots are distributed all over the body, from where sexual satisfaction can be elicited; these are so many that we can almost say that there is no part of the female body which does not give sexual response, the partner has only to find the erotogenic zones."
-Dr. Ernest Grafenberg (1881-1957)
i apologize...i'm straight up out of my head right now. i think i'll stop for tonight.
keep an eye out for this guy...creeeeepy. goodnight.