(no subject)
I have been asked in past if I really thought anyone read this thing and I am really indifferent as to whether or not this is read. I mean, if I wanted this to be read I would rather have a blog that I promote and advertise everywhere. That being stated, I have been using this journal to record my thoughts and ponderings that weigh heavy on my mind. This is especially true in my last few posts. That is what I am choosing to use this as. It is nice because I don't really want to talk to anyone about many things I think of and this a nice medium outside of talking to myself. So, if anyone is by chance reading this... No, I don't need moral support, happy wishes, whatever. I don't need your opinion or your view. Call me selfish, but I don't want any specific input from anyone, I am being purely selfish in my reasons for writing anything. It is to unwind a bit. Even though I sometimes sound frustrated, it is that very reason that anything is being written. I think my point is now made, if you still wish to leave comments... feel free. I do appreciate them, I'm just not looking for them nor expecting them.
I often wonder why many people avoid me. It happens no matter where I go. I have decided since, it is a good filter for people that are simply not worth associating myself with. Very few people have passions, ideals, or beliefs they would die for. That alone separates me from most people. Many people follow selfish pursuits and drift through life wishing to fulfill some goal they have desired on and off for years. At the same time, it gets old sometimes when you can feel the solitude smothering you in a crowded room. Even in the midst of people who have common interests this has happened. I thought for sure it wouldn't, but it has. I have found a couple that at least accept me as I am and have found them to be good company. I love to hang out with my internship group, but even within this group I can feel the isolation. These friends of mine, like many people, do not know how to react or engage in typical, ordinary conversation with my type. This is understandable once you get to know me. A person is unlikely to engage someone if they are sharply aware of everything in their midsts and forcefully dedicated to a purpose greater than one's own selfish ambitions. People tend to fear ambitious people in general if they do not understand them, or worse, know what their motivation is. I have come to the conclusion that any brave soul who truly believes in something is destined to find themself alone quite often. It is that person's solidity and stubborn resolve that isolates them. The periodic reminder of how alone we can be only makes me reaffirm my committment to my beliefs.
The upside is the natural respect garnered by this type of lifestyle. Nobody knows what to expect from a person who is driven and saved by powerful, selfless, ambition.