Harold Putnam, Butler to the Queen

[inquireof_liz]

HRH Liz apologizes for her lack of posts. She's spent the last couple of weeks diligently attending tea parties and shopping for her trip to Miami. She thanks you all for your advice on which disguise to wear. It seems that the Lagoon design has won. She has decided, however, to take the others as "backup". Backup for what, she wouldn't say

Comments

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Well, this is making for a very interesting morning. I can't recall when so much interest has been shown in the Roald Dahl Plass by locals.

I'm attempting to round them up now, but they seem to be enjoying the attention and frankly I'm not sure what the result of fitting a dozen swimsuit models into the Information Centre will be on 1. reality and 2. Jack's already somewhat fragile grip on sanity.

[inquireof_liz]

Does that mean I should cancel the male models Liz was planning on sending this afternoon?

As to fitting a dozen swimsuit models into the Information Centre... they're really very slim. If you can fit half a dozen hefty Welshmen in there, you should have no trouble with the girls.

Though reality and Jack's grip on sanity may very well suffer.

Harold

[ask_aboutcoffee]

As much as I would adore a dozen scantily clad men wandering round the plass, it's getting a bit chilly out and they might catch cold.

Fitting them in there wouldn't be a problem if they didn't insist on...draping themselves on things.

[inquireof_liz]

It's instinct. Cats climb, dogs bark, models... drape.

Harold

[ask_captainjack]

Round them up.... Heh

Chase them! Chase them hard, Ianto.

Their tits bounce (in a classy way, obvs).

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Jack, put the shepherd's crook down.

I mean it, Jack!

[ask_captainjack]

It's the kindest way to round-up models.

It's cruel to use a lasso!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

I have a strategy! I'm telling them I can get them an acting gig. They're wary but I think I've earned their trust!

[ask_captainjack]

Wave the Torchwood Platinum card.

Tell them the drinks are us. Hey, I should probably introd--

Ladies, I'm Captain Jack Harkness.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Married!

Oh, hello, what's your -- Svetlana? Lovely.

Maybe not that married.

[ask_captainjack]

PS: I'm taking photos.

New postcards for the Tourist Centre: WELCOME TO CARDIFF.

[gwen_e_cooper]

False advertising is illegal under the Truth in Tourism Act of 2006, Jack.

[ask_captainjack]

WHAT?

There is the occasional hot naked woman in Wales.

You yourself looked gorgeous all nude and wet when we hosed you down in the parking lot when you "compassioned" that skunk out of the garage.

[gwen_e_cooper]

Thanks, Jack!

Wait. I wore red wellies with my smile. Didn't think those matched.

I did apologise for the shrieking. Could we get warm water next time?

[ask_captainjack]

WARM WATER!?

But the hose only does two kinds: Trickle & Deluge

Hart offered to piss in the bucket. That was enough discussion down that road.

[gwen_e_cooper]

EW.

I've been exposed to enough vile substances without Hart picking shit at random from his Kink Bingo card.