[one-shot] Falling Down
Falling Down
Correction status: 80%
Author(s) : yue_akuma
Pairing : Hina/ ... someone.
Rating : R to be safe
Genre : Angst / romance / psycho stuffz(?).
Warnings : Mentions of porny things, m/m relationships, boykissing, angst, delirium tremens, psycho stuffz, mentions of character death.
Disclaimer : My silly brain is all I own along with the plot.
Summary : Each time he remembers, he forgets about it all over again. And he keeps on falling down.
Notes : OH MY GOD, I wrote angst. Like, REAL angst. WTF SELF. *shot*
It's all a blur of colors, how things happened.
There was the club, the dance-floor, loud music, the guy, then cigarettes exchanged, a drink, another, a smirk, another cigarette, the restroom's wall. As fast as he appeared, the guy disappeared. Hina doesn't want to think anything about it.
Except that he does.
He wonders where that guy was from, with his green eyes and his tanned skin, looking anything but Japanese, and in the same time looking familiar, even more when he started talking about video games.
He obviously knew about him and about Kanjani, but he said little about it. Hina knows that it's not much to end up in a bathroom stall with a guy, but he wasn't going to complain; the stranger was talented with his mouth and the way he was acting was kind of showing that he wasn't planning for just a one-time fuck with a celebrity. There was something more.
But maybe Hina thought wrong, coz' the guy just smiled at him afterward, and left. Left the restroom, left the club, and for all that Hina knows he could as well have left the country.
Only he didn't.
A week later or so, at a friend's party, he finds himself introduced to a certain Kim. Hina's eyes go wide when he recognizes the man from the club.
At the end of the night, when everybody's leaving, Hina still waits a bit longer, hoping that somehow he could take the elevator ride with the guy, to talk a bit, y'know. He manages his trick, but the other one has his earphones blasting loud music, making it difficult to start a conversation. So instead he stares, and realizes that the man is as good looking in the broad daylight than in the dim lights of a club.
And without further notice, he pins him to the elevator wall and kisses him. The man smirks, makes a whispered comment about the security camera, but Hina doesn't care and doesn't feel bad or nervous.
They decide to meet the next evening, at the same club.
When Hina comes, Kim isn't there though, but Subaru's leaning against the bar, looking kind of worried. They start talking naturally, until the moment Subaru says that he won't come.
"Who?" Hina asks, even though he knows who.
His friend frowns, sighs. Tells him to snap out of it already.
Hina closes his eyes, shakes his head. He doesn't want to know, doesn't want to hear.
"Stop imagining things", Subaru says again. "We're here for you."
When Hina opens his eyes again, he's not in the club anymore. No music, no lights, nothing. Just a white room.
Next to him, Subaru looks relieved and holds him tight.
"It'll be okay," he whispers when Hina starts to cry, "I won't let you down. None of us will."
The next day, though, Hina's back at the club.
Kim is here too, but this time his eyes are brown, not green. He whines about his brothers being away from him, but this doesn't last long, and soon enough they're back at sharing glances and drinks. When Hina offers a cigarette the guy says he stopped smoking two years ago.
Ten minutes later, they're back in the restroom stall, like it happened a week before; Hina this time is the first one to touch him, earning a soft moan that makes him smile and feel good, somehow.
When they're done, Kim runs away with a smirk once more, and Hina gets out of the stall to meet Maru.
"You have to stop this."
The older one just shrugs and walks by him, but Maru follows, asking him to open his eyes. He grabs his wrist, makes Hina look at him; his face is one of pure concern and worry, and it reminds Hina of Subaru the day before.
"Shin-chan, come back", Maru pleads.
When he looks past his friend's shoulder, the restroom's walls aren't dirty and grey anymore; they're white and clean, like the floor.
Ryuhei doesn't let him ask or talk or anything; he pulls him closer, hugs him, pets him like a mother would do with her kid. Hina cries again.
He goes out with Kim every night during the following week. The guy looks by now a bit more Asian, and his skin isn't as tanned as it was.
On Saturday, he buys a new iPhone and shows it to Hina, all happy, but truth is he can't use it; he kind of fails with technology when it doesn't involve gaming devices.
Hina spends two good hours explaining him how to use it, and the man's smile when he thanks him makes his heart skip a few beats. He doesn't really know what else to do better than to reach forward and kiss him, his fingers buried into Kim's black hair before being buried in his pants.
After his climax he clings to him in a way he would always deny doing, but the other one doesn't seem to mind, just chuckles and makes a comment about how interesting it could be to talk about this on Recomen. Hina just grins and falls asleep quickly.
When he wakes up, Kim's not here anymore, but there's fresh coffee in the kitchen and pancakes waiting for him. Also, sitting at the table, Tacchon.
Hina doesn't mind - they all have each other's spare keys after all - but when Ohkura refuses to eat and just stares at him, he knows that something's wrong. It ends with the drummer starting to cry and hugging him so tight his breath gets stuck in his lungs.
"Please Hina-chan, stop that..."
"Tatsu, you're strangling me..."
Tacchon chuckles between sobs and lessens his hold, but doesn't let go. Hina sighs and looks down at his plate, where the pancakes are now pieces of bread and the coffee is a simple glass of water, everything settled on a plastic tray.
He wants to cry, but instead holds his younger friend tighter, burying his face in his neck.
Kim shows up on Tuesday, claiming that the next day is his free day. His skin is almost white and looks soft, but Hina stops himself from touching it, let alone kiss those now pouty lips.
The man asks him to teach him keyboard, and Hina tries to do so, but soon enough he finds himself pinned to the floor with Kim's tongue and hands all over his skin, pretending that Hina looks hot while playing.
It's the first time that he ever bottoms, but Hina finds himself liking it, seeing the way the other one whines and calls his name when he clenches inside; it's even better when he's the one finished by the same lips he wanted so much earlier.
They spend a few minutes talking randomly afterward, before he gets up for a shower. He watches as Kim remains on the floor, eyes stuck on the ceiling with a secretive smirk. He likes that smirk so much.
In the bathroom, Hina sighs when Shota grabs his shoulders and shakes him a bit. He wants to snap at him and tell him to get away, but the little man seems pained and clearly unimpressed.
"It's enough now," he tells Hina, "you have to get out of this state. Now."
He raises his hand to tsukkomi the guitarist, but his palm just stays in the air as he sees the white walls, tears starting to fall down his cheeks. Shota cups his face softly, and pushes the drops away.
"Stop thinking it's your fault. Come back to us, be yourself again."
Hina closes his eyes and wishes for it all to be forgotten.
When he wakes up the next morning, Kim is next to him in his bed, curled against his chest. He looks like a porcelain doll, and Hina carefully holds him close, listening to his calm breathing. It sounds like something familiar, something he knows perfectly, only he doesn't know what it is. When he looks at the other man, he thinks of someone, someone he knows, someone he cherishes, but once again he doesn't remember who it is, and it makes his stomach do funny and not comfortable at all things.
Kim wakes up a bit later, grinning and asking what's for breakfast. Said breakfast is spent with the man talking about a monster hunting video game and how he misses his mother. Hina feels kind of sad for him and says it out loud, making the taller one stop talking and looking at him with deep black eyes.
"Gorilla" he giggles out of nowhere, and Hina giggles too.
He doesn't have to work that day, so they stay at home; Kim complains that he's going to watch soccer and insists on watching One Piece instead, and Hina's heart sinks deeper in his tummy. He doesn't even know why, just he feels like it's someone he misses, even though he's here, next to him, and he can't help himself when he reaches out and hugs the other one tightly. Kim turns around and kisses him, and before he can think about it they're making out on the floor furiously. Hina takes control of the events, except for the moment when the man is riding him, calling his first name and moaning in a high-pitched way that makes him sob even though he doesn't know why once more.
The cuddling time afterward makes him feel better though, as he holds onto the man and doesn't want to let go, afraid that he'll never see him again.
Sitting on the couch, Ryo is crying.
"Stop it Shingo. Stop it. Don't you see you're hurting us as much as you're hurting yourself?"
Hina closes his eyes, willing to block him out of his bubble of peace.
Except it doesn't work.
"Stop, please. Listen to us. Come back."
Hina turns around suddenly, furious, and glares at Ryo, who's sitting on the chair and trying his hardest to keep his voice steady. When he turns again and watches the pillow in is arms, he buries his face in the fabric and shouts, his heart breaking to pieces.
His younger friend rushes to him and hugs him, whispering that things will be okay, but it doesn't calm him down.
The next day, Kim is out. Surely gone to work.
Only he doesn't come back. Hina waits, hoping for god knows what, but it doesn't happen.
Kim doesn't show up for about two weeks.
Hina doesn't have work, and he just spends his time going to futsal or staying home reading and watching TV. He avoids the newspapers, because something inside of him tells him that he mustn't look, but he goes to the theater to watch a few American movies.
And then, on a Friday, Kim comes home. It's more than midnight but Hina isn’t sleeping, just watching some drama he doesn't even know the name of. He stands to greet the guy, but when he looks at him they just remain still, watching each other.
Something is coming, and he's afraid. He wants to run, to run away, to forget about it all.
"You already forgot", the man says.
Hina shakes his head. He knows he didn't; it's just that he doesn't want to remember.
"What's my name then?"
His hands turn into fists. He remembers the club at first, then details he shouldn't mind. How the guy stopped smoking, how he misses his brothers, how he loves video games, how he likes to look at boobs...
"What's my name Shingo?"
Kim, he says. And he remembers more, about his pouty lips, his soft and creamy skin, the way he smirks, his favorite anime...
"What's my name?" he asks again.
Hina closes his eyes.
"Kim..."
"You forgot my name?"
"No, no, it's Kim!"
"Shingo, what's my name?"
He starts to cry, opens his eyes again, and the walls are back to white, but the place is still the same, and the other man is still looking at him. The man who likes food, who wants the last iPhone but fails with technologic devices, who’s a real mastermind for pranks, who likes to call him a Gorilla...
"Shingo..."
He reaches out, but doesn't manage to touch him. The tears fall harder on his cheeks, and he tries to block it all, block the whole world, forget about it all again, but...
"What's my name?"
Kim.
Kim.
Kimi.
Kimitaka.
Yoko.
"Yoko", he sobs out. He screams the name then, and the whole room is now empty except for a table, a chair, a bed, a few pillows, and white walls, floor, ceiling.
When he looks up, the man is now barely more than smoke, but his eyes are still on him, intense.
"Yokocho..."
He disappears.
Hina collapses, crying out that Yoko didn't have the right to go, that he shouldn't have left him alone.
Nurses come in, inject him something to make him calm down, but he still hits one square in the jaw before the product kicks in.
When he falls asleep, he hears the scratching of tires on the wet road, his lover screaming at him to run, and he can see the car going straight on them and he can feel the hands pushing him away. He feels the hard floor scraping his knuckles, and hears the sounds of the car hitting the wall; he feels the rain on him and he can see what he saw when he turned around.
Yoko, between the car and the wall. Bloody and looking like a broken porcelain doll.
During his last moment of consciousness, he tells himself to forget about it all again.
It's all a blur of colors, when he steps into the nightclub, feeling empty and wising for a bit of fun. Until the moment his eyes meet the other man's eyes.
"Hi, I'm Kim. What's your name?"
And he falls all over again.
.END.