[one-shot] Pregnancy (Subaru/everyone)
Pregnancy
Correction status: 70% (?)
Author(s) : yue_akuma
Pairing : Subaru + everybody, yep.
Rating : PG-16
Genre : Crack / mpreg(?) / more crack.
Warnings : Supposed mpreg, Yoko being a stupid evil mastermind, Subru turning crazy, mentions of Eitorgy.
Disclaimer : If I owned Subaru, I'd give im to Tati ♥ (and I'd steal Hina instead).
Summary : Yoko thinks Subaru is pregnant. Really.
Notes : The plot was an idea from elyndys & kazukiayuuma (DAMN KAZU WHY ARE YOUR USERNAMES ALWAYS COMPLICATED TO WRITE????). It's not as fun as I thought it would, but well, my brain needed to release this idea. Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARU ♥.
“Are you pregnant ?”
Six pairs of eyes shot up, staring in disbelief at their older friend, also known as Yokoyama Yuu. Said Yoko was looking at Subaru with round eyes and a thoughtful look.
“Yuuchin” Maru said then, “don’t you know guys cannot have babies?”
“I know, stupid”, Yoko replied, looking irritated, “but still, Subaru took a bit of belly, and he also wanted strawberries this morning, so…”
Sitting down next to Subaru, Hina blinked. This was the most stupid idea ever, and yet…
“It’s true that your belly is kinda fat these days” he pointed out, glancing at Subaru’s stomach. “It’s weird, you’re supposed to be skinny.”
The main singer, outraged, opened his mouth to reply that he wasn’t skinny but perfect, when Ohkura found good to add “Also, he’s having these weird mood swings since a month or so…”
Ryo nodded absent-mindly, Maru made his ‘o’ face, and Hina frowned, as if trying to decide on what to believe. Yoko, still standing in the middle of the room, was looking proud of seeing the evident signs first.
Still silent since the beginning, Shota then pouted and walked to Subaru, putting his hand on the supposed carrying-baby belly. “But-but-but… Then, who’s the father?”
Once again, Subaru tried to say something, only to be cut by Yoko.
“It could be any of us”, he claimed in a serious tone that made Maru shiver.
There was a long silence, until Hina asked “Okay, who slept with him the most lately?”
Another long silence. Maybe they should have slowed down on the summer parties.
Maru raised a shy hand. “Maybe we’re all the fathers?”
Hina stood up and hit him on the head. “Don’t be stupid! It’s impossible!”
“But a man pregnant is not possible either!”
“We need a blood test” Yoko decided suddenly. “Tomorrow, we’ll go check who’s the father!”
Shota shook his head. “I don’t want to know! I want us to raise the baby all together! Don’t you want that too Babu?”
Subaru blinked. They were all going crazy.
“And anyway if it’s Ohkura’s kid” Ryo growled, “he’ll never be able to take care of it correctly.”
“Can you imagine that?” Maru asked Yoko. “What would the mix between Shibuyan and Tatsu give? A tall long-haired kid talented at music but eating all the time?”
Subaru and Tadayoshi facepalmed in sync.
“It could be worse” Yasu said then. Yoko nodded.
“Indeed. What if it was Hina’s kid? A mix between a gorilla and a rocker, seriously…”
That earned the black ranger a hard slap on the head.
“Wouldn’t be better if it was Ryo’s child” Tacchon growled, glaring, “the baby would grow up to be a serial killer with such parents…”
“And if it was Yasu’s baby, it would be a girl” Shingo chuckled.
Shota actually beamed.
“I’ll be able to make dresses for her!”
The others didn’t find the news so great considering Yasu’s tastes, but they refrained from saying it out loud.
Subaru finally managed to talk then.
“Guys, I’m not pregnant. I just drank too much beers.”
Six guys looked at each other, before laughing out loud. Subaru wondered if he should just leave and never come back, or maybe start a solo-con à la Akanishi. Far, very far from here. Which wasn’t a bad idea.
“And how will we call the baby?”
“If it’s a girl, Sara would be nice!”
“No-no, she’ll be called Kimiko!”
“The hell, we’re not even sure it’s your kid!”
“Well I’m the older here so I get to choose!”
“And if it’s a boy?”
“Sousuke!”
“Ryo shut up.”
“But-”
“We could call him Subaru as he’s the mother…”
“Subaru Junior? Nah, too stupid.”
“Oh.”
“Kazunari?”
“Hina, no one wants a kid named like his best friend.”
“But the name is nice though…”
“We need to ask Shibuyan! What do you think Shi-Shibuyan?”
When Maru turned, Kanjani’s lead singer had vanished. It is said that the cops found him trying to take a plan for Los Angeles, claiming that his bandmates were crazy.
Yokoyama got threatened by Johnny-san to be kicked out if he ever thought about male pregnancy again. The other Eitos faked not knowing what it was all about. Yoko is currently planning hard dokkiris for each one of them.
---
Omake from another galaxy :
When the baby finally came to the world, it was a boy, and Subaru named him Toma. The other Kanjani members never suspected that Subaru could have slept with someone else though.
.OWARI.