Everything, all at once.
Emotions are funny, and a bit like the sea: there are calm days and there are stormy days, but each comes and goes, liable to change from one to the other, lickity split. Despite high hopes for the new year, my recent mood was stuck somewhere in...oh, the doldrums. When it rained last week I walked around smiling triumphantly, as if at least the sky got me.
You see...when I get down, I get blue, and then melancholy, and then it is basically a scene straight out of Howl's Moving Castle (the film, that is) with me oozing and moping all over the place and yes, feeling un-pretty. My inner goth child runs free, allowed to be "poetic" and "deep" -- you get the picture. My point is, I was giving in to my own bad mood, making it impossible to escape. Usually I come out of it on my own after awhile, but sometimes it takes someone to shake me out of the fog I'm in.
At 4:30am I was at my Starbucks, setting up the pastry case by first piling the counter with stacks of foodstuffs from the crates, Maybe it's because of the latex gloves, but I take this morning duty very seriously, trying to fit as many morning items into the glass case as I can. I judge each pastry, putting the prettiest piece at the front of the tray for the world to see. Gingerly I work, taking care not to leave finger-sized pockets embedded into spongy coffeecakes, nor allowing the marble loaf slices to crumble. Each piece of food gets it's own special treatment in mind; again, ritual. I might have acute pastry-paranoia...
Today, my pastry case was...not as award-winningly gorgeous as I like to have it. This morning my mind was occupied on how I had had three hours of sleep, and before that a headache, and before that the epic row with my mother that might have ended with words like, "YOU'RE MOVIN' WITH YOUR AUNTIE AND UNCLE IN BEL AIR!" (...alright, so it wasn't quite like that, but I was going to have to move out or stop doing all the nefarious running-about my mother is convinced I do. Tired, upset and plagued by a headache, I sinned, Pride being my man, telling her I would be out of her hair. /dramatics).
I was certain that I was lost forever to the Swamp of Sadness, my faithful horse Artax long since swallowed. But then Sunday at Starbucks is always my favorite day -- my friend Brenn works every Sunday, and so does my old crush from my former Starbucks, Ryan (just eye candy now! But oh god he came in scruffy today and he's one of those tall, skinny, sleepy looking blokes with bed hair and chocolate eyes mmf). Because business is slow and steady, we rule the area behind the bar and have fun shooting the shit, cleaning slowly so we look busy, while talking about the weekend, video games and giant robots. The important things.
Next thing you know, I was laughing again. Later as I left for work, my assistant manager Joel sent me home with four boxes of cupcakes -- past the sell-by date but still plenty good. And free. Did I mention that they were free? And then as I was driving home, do you fine folk know what I stumbled upon?
A LEMONADE STAND! So, I immediately pulled over, nearly causing several accidents in my rush to give money to tiny children with dreams. I have to pause and explain to you this one thing, if you never believe anything I say, believe this: I will never pass a lemonade stand. I had a traumatic experience as a child when I failed to have more than three customers one summer, and ever since it has been my mission in life to always buy lemonade and spend a minimum of two dollars, no matter what the cost of the lemonade was....BUT ANYWAY, THESE KIDS? WERE DONATING THE PROCEEDS. To Haiti. Two birds! One stone! Hallelujah sistah, amen. BLESS THESE TINY ANGELS AND THEIR SWEET LEMONY GOODNESS.
So then you know I came home and my mom was like, "NATHANIEL WE NEED TO TALK." & so we did, and it wasn't at all frightening and there was even a hug after! Hell yeah, you know I love a talk that ends in a hug. Basically we got everything sorted. And then she gave me the interesting news! PROOF THAT KARMA WORKS.
A few of you may recall my brief stint a few months back, before returning to Baristahood (again, lol, third time for those keeping track) I worked in a legal office for an attorney. My job was to handle loan modifications; being me, I worried myself sick until I eventually caught swine flu, which I'm pretty sure had to do with how stressed I was. My boss was a moody prick and it broke my heart reading the hardship letters for why our clients should qualify to pay a lower loan rate....ughhh I got like, maybe twelve loans approved all on my own in the short time I worked there. Like two months? YEAH. I felt like I wasn't making a difference and that the attorney in question was nothing but a snake in the grass....I had to use a fake last name while working there, since he was involved in a scandal with a few other attorneys...in fact, I was the one who personally went through his complete email history between the four of them so I know the intricate workings of this scam they basically had going on, where yes, they were getting people their loans modified but were earning much more than was fair. On top of that? Their employees were getting shafted, told they would be paid commission on top of hourly, but for some it never came -- whenever they would ask their "superior" about it, that dick would just tell him that he wasn't the "real" person in charge, give him the number of one of the other four monkeys involved in this scam, constantly casting off blame...aye, I won't go into all of it, but eegads.
Yeahhhh....guess who got arrested on Friday? It's all over the local news, with a ~*mug shot*~ of guess who's old boss~. JERK. He disliked me without ever getting to know me, told my mom that I was spoiled and that he wanted to fire me to teach me a lesson, etc....I am still so glad that I quit before that happened (on the day that, in hindsight, was the first day showing symptoms of H1N1...like deliriously walking down sixteen flights of stairs and setting off the Emergency Exit alarm on my way to the parking lot).
I know this is ridiculously long, but it felt so nice to just put it all out there. I was expecting today to be awful and instead, it was a gift, as well as a reminder. I'm glad that whenever life really tries to knock me down...it also does what's needed to help life me back up.
You see...when I get down, I get blue, and then melancholy, and then it is basically a scene straight out of Howl's Moving Castle (the film, that is) with me oozing and moping all over the place and yes, feeling un-pretty. My inner goth child runs free, allowed to be "poetic" and "deep" -- you get the picture. My point is, I was giving in to my own bad mood, making it impossible to escape. Usually I come out of it on my own after awhile, but sometimes it takes someone to shake me out of the fog I'm in.
At 4:30am I was at my Starbucks, setting up the pastry case by first piling the counter with stacks of foodstuffs from the crates, Maybe it's because of the latex gloves, but I take this morning duty very seriously, trying to fit as many morning items into the glass case as I can. I judge each pastry, putting the prettiest piece at the front of the tray for the world to see. Gingerly I work, taking care not to leave finger-sized pockets embedded into spongy coffeecakes, nor allowing the marble loaf slices to crumble. Each piece of food gets it's own special treatment in mind; again, ritual. I might have acute pastry-paranoia...
Today, my pastry case was...not as award-winningly gorgeous as I like to have it. This morning my mind was occupied on how I had had three hours of sleep, and before that a headache, and before that the epic row with my mother that might have ended with words like, "YOU'RE MOVIN' WITH YOUR AUNTIE AND UNCLE IN BEL AIR!" (...alright, so it wasn't quite like that, but I was going to have to move out or stop doing all the nefarious running-about my mother is convinced I do. Tired, upset and plagued by a headache, I sinned, Pride being my man, telling her I would be out of her hair. /dramatics).
I was certain that I was lost forever to the Swamp of Sadness, my faithful horse Artax long since swallowed. But then Sunday at Starbucks is always my favorite day -- my friend Brenn works every Sunday, and so does my old crush from my former Starbucks, Ryan (just eye candy now! But oh god he came in scruffy today and he's one of those tall, skinny, sleepy looking blokes with bed hair and chocolate eyes mmf). Because business is slow and steady, we rule the area behind the bar and have fun shooting the shit, cleaning slowly so we look busy, while talking about the weekend, video games and giant robots. The important things.
Next thing you know, I was laughing again. Later as I left for work, my assistant manager Joel sent me home with four boxes of cupcakes -- past the sell-by date but still plenty good. And free. Did I mention that they were free? And then as I was driving home, do you fine folk know what I stumbled upon?
A LEMONADE STAND! So, I immediately pulled over, nearly causing several accidents in my rush to give money to tiny children with dreams. I have to pause and explain to you this one thing, if you never believe anything I say, believe this: I will never pass a lemonade stand. I had a traumatic experience as a child when I failed to have more than three customers one summer, and ever since it has been my mission in life to always buy lemonade and spend a minimum of two dollars, no matter what the cost of the lemonade was....BUT ANYWAY, THESE KIDS? WERE DONATING THE PROCEEDS. To Haiti. Two birds! One stone! Hallelujah sistah, amen. BLESS THESE TINY ANGELS AND THEIR SWEET LEMONY GOODNESS.
So then you know I came home and my mom was like, "NATHANIEL WE NEED TO TALK." & so we did, and it wasn't at all frightening and there was even a hug after! Hell yeah, you know I love a talk that ends in a hug. Basically we got everything sorted. And then she gave me the interesting news! PROOF THAT KARMA WORKS.
A few of you may recall my brief stint a few months back, before returning to Baristahood (again, lol, third time for those keeping track) I worked in a legal office for an attorney. My job was to handle loan modifications; being me, I worried myself sick until I eventually caught swine flu, which I'm pretty sure had to do with how stressed I was. My boss was a moody prick and it broke my heart reading the hardship letters for why our clients should qualify to pay a lower loan rate....ughhh I got like, maybe twelve loans approved all on my own in the short time I worked there. Like two months? YEAH. I felt like I wasn't making a difference and that the attorney in question was nothing but a snake in the grass....I had to use a fake last name while working there, since he was involved in a scandal with a few other attorneys...in fact, I was the one who personally went through his complete email history between the four of them so I know the intricate workings of this scam they basically had going on, where yes, they were getting people their loans modified but were earning much more than was fair. On top of that? Their employees were getting shafted, told they would be paid commission on top of hourly, but for some it never came -- whenever they would ask their "superior" about it, that dick would just tell him that he wasn't the "real" person in charge, give him the number of one of the other four monkeys involved in this scam, constantly casting off blame...aye, I won't go into all of it, but eegads.
Yeahhhh....guess who got arrested on Friday? It's all over the local news, with a ~*mug shot*~ of guess who's old boss~. JERK. He disliked me without ever getting to know me, told my mom that I was spoiled and that he wanted to fire me to teach me a lesson, etc....I am still so glad that I quit before that happened (on the day that, in hindsight, was the first day showing symptoms of H1N1...like deliriously walking down sixteen flights of stairs and setting off the Emergency Exit alarm on my way to the parking lot).
I know this is ridiculously long, but it felt so nice to just put it all out there. I was expecting today to be awful and instead, it was a gift, as well as a reminder. I'm glad that whenever life really tries to knock me down...it also does what's needed to help life me back up.