Never To Betray You Again - Chapter 21
Title: Never To Betray You Again Chapter 21
Disclaimer: I didn't own anything except for the plot
Main Character: Yabu, Inoo, Yaotome, Arioka, Yuya, Yamada, Chinen
Genre: romance, mystery, friendship, thriller and death
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kota locked himself to the world for 3 years and he even have times that he wanted to die already but he was always stopped by unexpected situation like fate didn't want him to die. After visiting a grieve, he accidentally met the most important person in his life which he thought was already dead. He treated it as an opportunity to fix what he have done wrong to him 3 years ago. But the real aftermath of the nightmare happened that years ago just began when the 5 members of Blazerz received a call stating that he knew everything that happened that night and he was planning to take revenge for the death of Sakura Minato.
Author's Note: Another revised version >___ < EnjoyXD
Never To Betray You Again
-Chapter Twenty One-
When Kei grabbed Kota's hand his senses came back to him and when he saw Kei's anxious face he realized that he was doing something wrong. If Yuri didn't came that exact moment, he was afraid he did something more to Kei which he knew he will regret again. Didn't know what to say, he stand up and went straight to the bathroom leaving Kei and Yuri in the area. He locked the door of the bathroom as he washed his face with a cold water trying to get rid of the uncomfortable tension swirling inside of his chest. After doing that he stared in front of the mirror and saw his reflection. He remembered that moment when Kei and him were passionately kissing each other. He can still feel the softness and warmth of his partner's lips on his own and he can't stop thinking of the possibility of what can happen if they didn't stop. His body was getting hot and he have this uncontrollable desire of wanting to touch Kei more, to hug him more… to kiss him more but he was aware that what just happened was just a spur-of-the-moment situation and might never be repeated again.
Kei can't remember who Kota is in his past life and if ever he did then he will just be hated. Things doesn't go well between them. Kota rejected Kei when he confessed his feelings plus what happened between the Blazerz and Sakura and Kei also makes things worst. Obviously he doesn’t really have any rights to show himself to Kei nor harbour any feelings towards him because he believe that his sin is made to be repay for the rest of his life. He doesn't deserved happiness at all, he doesn't deserved any affection from anyone for he is handling a big sin. But knowing Kei's circumstances right now, he can't just leave him alone and he thought that one way to repay for everything that he did was to protect him no matter what and he will devote his whole life for him. He was responsible in giving Kei a peaceful life with a high assurance of security from people who might hurt him which is something he failed to give in the past. He wanted to change the past, he wanted to clear his name, he wanted to be forgiven for his peace of mind but since Kei loss all his memories of what happened it's hard for him to approach the topic thinking that it may cause more misunderstanding towards Kei. Kota loves Kei but he knew he was not worthy for the younger guy.
As he recall about his past he then remembered about Kanata's death. Everything that happened that afternoon flashback in his mind and that weakens his body and so he sit down. He noticed that his clothes was stained by the blood of Kanata's body and it caused fear and traumatic sensation all over him so he immediately take it off. The uncomfortable feeling doesn't end there as he can still smell the strong odour of the blood that penetrate his hands and body. He used water to get rid both the smell and the traces of blood until he decided to just used the shower to washed everything away. Seeing the water dripping from his body turning red as it smoothly flows towards the sink, he can't help himself feeling frustrated, disappointed and pitiable for what happened. Tears started to fell down from his eyes but was hidden with the water droplets coming from the shower through his body going down to the floor. He punched the wall so many times, starting from soft punches to the heavy ones. If only he came on time, if only he was able to save Kanata… everything that he thought that time were all if only.
Kota stayed in the shower area for 20 minutes until he finally calm down. He cleaned himself and then went out and saw Yuri sitting in the chair in the dining area waiting for him. Kota went straight to the refrigerator to have a beer to drink and Yuri was just there, following his movements but was not saying anything. He take a sipped on his ice cold beer while wiping his wet hair but he himself was also not saying anything. He was not in the mood to start a conversation.
"Kei-san went back to his room." Yuri answered but Kota didn't say a thing. "He was… crying." he added and this time Kota stared at Yuri like he caught his attention. The little guy stand up and get his bag "I just waited to say that to you." he said. "I'm going back to my unit. I think you are not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. But if you need something I am just a unit away, I'm willing to help you anytime sempai."
"Y...Yuri wait." Kota called. "Thank you… for waiting and telling me."
"Are you okay now?" Yuri asked him all of a sudden. "I rushed here because the landlord said that you didn't look fine at all."
"So...something just happened a...and…"
"You don't need to force yourself to tell me. I can understand that people have their moments they wanted to make private." Yuri said until he finally go.
Kota sighed as he sits down on a chair and stretched his head back. He was not sure anymore of what he should do first. There are lots of things he was thinking that he just wanted to sit there and just let the time flies. As he take another sipped to his beer, he finally decided that he need to talk to Kei and apologized for what he did. Yuri saying that Kei was crying bothers him. Maybe he hated what he did and now… he felt disgusted. But he didn't want Kei to hate him more and so before things get worst he need to apologized and just tell him that what happened was something he didn't mean to do.
He wear something that he just randomly get from his cabinet and then collect his courage to come to Kei's apartment. As he stand there straight he took a deep breathe and position his hand to knock on the door but then with just a few seconds he let it go. What if Kei is really mad at what he did and he didn't give him time to explain? He will just look pathetic and he even created an opportunity for Kei to toss him away more. He started to think negative things and he even planned on going back to his apartment but after lots of moments fighting with his urge, he finally made his decision to talk to him and settle what just happened.
…
As Kei went back to his apartment he sit down immediately on his sofa while hugging his knees and without doing anything for few minutes he stayed just like that. The warmth of Kota's lips and breathes still lingers on his face. The places that Kota touches was burning and he wish to resumed but he can't. A memory of the past that he tried his best to forget was playing in his mind and that made him aware of the reality that he was standing on. It was not really Kota that he loves who was kissing him that time. It was Kota who wanted comfort because he was depressed about something he wanted to know. That kiss happened not because of love but because of a feeling of comfort that Kota wanted that time. He knew that Kota will not love him and so that kiss doesn't mean anything at all, even for him it means a lot.
After a few minutes of just staying there without doing anything at all, he started to feel the hunger. Now that he was feeling hungry he regret leaving the food that he ordered in the restaurant together with Hikaru. When that guy leave the restaurant, he followed him but on the process he met Aira and because of that he loss his appetite and just went straight back home. He was about to go to the kitchen when he heard a knock to his door and that startled him. He asked who it was but the guy on the other side was not answering. He was about to sneak a look on that small hole on the door but he heard a familiar voice from the other side. "It's Kota. Kei… i… I wanted to talk to you." he said.
Kei didn't know what to do. He was not sure if he was ready to face Kota after what just happened a moment ago. His face started feeling hot and he panicked as he look at the mirror and tried to check his eyes to see if it was obvious that he cried. He was glad that it was not that obvious at all but he was still having a second doubt to talk to Kota that time but then he remembered the situation Kota was in when he entered his room. His clothes was tainted with blood and he even tried to kill himself. He was suffering something deeper than a normal problem and maybe he wanted to have someone he can talk to besides he need to take responsibility - he was the one who first showed himself and asked what happened and he then he will just run away? He took a deep breathe and then he opened the door. "Okay… I'll listen to whatever you wanted to say." Kei said but all of a sudden his stomach growled and because the place was so silent Kei and Kota heard that sound. "Sorry." Kei apologized immediately. He felt so embarrassed that he himself can tell that the tip of his ear was red.
"Let's eat outside… my treat." Kota offered and Kei didn't have a second doubt to agree.
They went to the nearest ramen house in their apartment and ordered something to eat. Since it's already 10 in the evening, there were few customers and so they can have their own private talk without anyone disturbing them. The tension between the two was still there and it cause awkwardness between the two. Who will not be? After what just happened… it's not something that can just be push away and be forgotten instantly.
"I…" Kota uttered. "I'm sorry about what happened a while back." Kota apologized while they were waiting for their order to arrived. "I know I did something… unpleasant. It's just… I loss my senses all of a sudden and then… I… I'm really sorry. I know it bothers you so much so if you will get mad at me… I… I will not be surprise."
"What happened?" Kei asked him, he doesn't care about the apology but he was more concerned with the reason why Kota was acting so desperate that time. But of course hearing Kota apologized just made him think that the kiss doesn't mean anything for Kota at all and what he was thinking that it was just an act out of the feeling of wanting to be comforted was confirmed.
Kota was not able to answer immediately. Kei thought that he will not spill the milk but he did. "S-Someone I knew… committed suicide " Kota answered and that same time their ordered arrived. Kei was stunned and was unable to reply for few seconds. "He was confined in the hospital and loss it… he jumped and… died." Kota continued, trying to be specific with his answer. "I was there when it happened. I was desperately calling for his name… wanting him to wake up but he don't… he won't wake up and his heart stopped beating."
"May I know… who is he?" Kei asked curiously but Kota look hesitant to say his name but in the end he did and when he heard his name it gives him shiver. "Ka...Kanata?" he repeated. He was shocked to hear a familiar name. He is one of the guy that killed Sakura and hurt him. He heard from Daiki that he was just in the hospital because of an attack but now he was already dead. He didn't know what to say, it's true that he hated them but he didn't want them to die. Kota said that he committed suicide and he was curious with the reason why.
"It was depression. I went there because he called me telling that he can't continue living anymore but it's too late when I arrived. I wanted to convinced him but…" he paused a little "I'm too late." Kota answered his question though he didn't tell Kei the whole story. Kei can feel Kota's depression from the way he talk and his expression. Despite of what happened in the past, Kota still care for Kanata. If Kota was just force to do that cruel thing in the past, then he should be mad at those members of Blazerz for doing something like that but he was here feeling depress about it and still caring for his old mate.
He remembered those moments when Kota was just starting as member of Blazerz and he looks so happy. He knew that he was a big fan of Ono Daisuke and so whenever he was standing in front of him he always look delighted. As just someone who was looking from a far, Kei can tell that Kota really enjoyed his time with the team but… the sweet fairy tale ended up as a cruel nightmare.
"You are such...a nice person aren't you?" Kei asked him while he eat his meat. "You were feeling obligated even you don't need to, you feel like it was your fault even it was not."
"P...please don't say it that way… I am not…"
"You are." Kei emphasized, he held his voice a little louder for Kota to stop what he was about to say. He knew that he will going to say that he was not like that but for Kei he is. He admit that first he hated Kota for doing all those cruel things to him but in those days that he was with him he slowly seen how Kota suffered for what happened that time. Hiding himself for 3 years, giving up his social life, his education and even his connections to people important to him. He was always alone, regretting about what he did, thinking about the people that died in front of him. He was punishing his own self even it was not his fault and all those times he was all alone without anyone to comfort him on his side.
Kei survived the trauma of what happened to him because there are people who supported him in the process. His parents, even they are far away, was always calling to ask if he was fine. His grandmother who came to his room immediately if he was having nightmares at night. Mimi who comes home making it livelier for him and even the neighbourhood helps him for his cure. Daiki was also there to help him for everything. He never felt so alone all those years but for Kota, he was fighting his conscience all alone. "You are, Kota." he added with conviction. "Even it was just a short time that we are with each other I know you are a nice guy. You don't need to look down on yourself. Just feeling responsible for the death of your… friend… it just shows the kindness and gentleness hidden inside of you. I can see it… in my naked eyes it was crystal clear."
A moment of silence was caught in between and just after Kei heard Kota chuckled "To hear that to someone who first thought that I am a bad guy… it sounds unreal." he replied but he just meant it as a joke.
Kota laughed. Kei was mesmerized by the view in front of him. He was so happy that he was able to make Kota smile and brings back life on his expression. But that reply was unexpected and to see Kota's smiling face made his heart have an unstable beat once again. "I...I apologized for that…" Kei answered trying his best to conceal his emotions that very moment. "it's hard for me to trust someone and so…"
"I understand… I like it if you will not be so trusting to other people. It's hard if they take advantage of you and you ended up in a difficult situation." Kota replied back. "Bu...but you can trust me. Kei… you can trust me."
"I know." Kei answered immediately as he give him his smile of confirmation to what he just said. Kei felt happy that somehow that worried expression on Kota's face was gone. He didn't need to punished himself anymore, he totally forgive him for what he did and so he just wanted Kota to move on and forget about the past. He stared at him as he continue to eat and he can't help admiring his face. Even before till now, there is no doubt that he was really in love with him but like always it was just one sided.
After they filled their stomach, they stroll around for a little before they go back to the apartment and before they entered their own unit Kota thanks Kei for accompanying him. "You're welcome." Kei replied.
…
Kota went back to his room feeling better than when he came out of that place. He was glad that Kei was not mad for what he did and he even comforted him for his depression. It was hard for him to hide his emotions specially when Kei said that he was trusting him already. It was the most beautiful words he heard that day. He wanted to jump into him and hugged him tightly but he can't just do that. Kei said that without knowing about the past and so it's not really official that he was forgiven for what he did. Realizing that he became depressed again, if only Kei didn't have an amnesia and said those same words then he will be the happiest person in the world but it was totally impossible besides if Kei really did remember the past then there's no way they can talk normally like that. He was sure that if Kei's old self will come back he will bare grudge against him and he was afraid to imagine of the present like that.
He jumped into his bed and saw that his phone was ringing. It was Ono who called and he asked if he was just alright. He was not able to talk to him normally a while back because of his shocked to what happened to Kanata but now he was able to explain to him what really happened. Ono told him that he was planning to have a meeting with the other remaining Blazerz member tomorrow at their usual place and Kota should showed himself. Kota agreed since he need to tell them something important. It was about what the 'caller' told him when they last talk. He just confirmed that it was not Sakura who told the management of the agency about them taking drugs. They made a wrong accusation and killed Sakura for a mistake.
Author's Note: Happy 1st journal entry for 2015. I don't have any plan to update yet because i plan to finished everything before i update or maybe half of the remaining chapters but becuase i saw a picture that made my heart doki doki early morning and made me really happy the whole day i am here for an update.
This picture really made me so happy and i don't know why. Maybe i just miss my OTP so much that's the reason i feel that way? I finished the outline of this fanfic and as far as i can see this will really be long so i hope you will not be bored in reading it. Anyway i will just do my best to not make it boring... i hope i can do it well.
My sister's graduation will be near and i am so excited for her and then my Aunt will be coming back again from America and so things will be busy also i'm having a hard time deciding if i want to work in the city or just here in my province. Actually i really wanted to go to the capital city but there are things that i can't just leave in my province and now i'm confused but if you will going to ask me now what i really wanted... i really wanted to work in the city.
Disclaimer: I didn't own anything except for the plot
Main Character: Yabu, Inoo, Yaotome, Arioka, Yuya, Yamada, Chinen
Genre: romance, mystery, friendship, thriller and death
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kota locked himself to the world for 3 years and he even have times that he wanted to die already but he was always stopped by unexpected situation like fate didn't want him to die. After visiting a grieve, he accidentally met the most important person in his life which he thought was already dead. He treated it as an opportunity to fix what he have done wrong to him 3 years ago. But the real aftermath of the nightmare happened that years ago just began when the 5 members of Blazerz received a call stating that he knew everything that happened that night and he was planning to take revenge for the death of Sakura Minato.
Author's Note: Another revised version >___ < EnjoyXD
Never To Betray You Again
-Chapter Twenty One-
When Kei grabbed Kota's hand his senses came back to him and when he saw Kei's anxious face he realized that he was doing something wrong. If Yuri didn't came that exact moment, he was afraid he did something more to Kei which he knew he will regret again. Didn't know what to say, he stand up and went straight to the bathroom leaving Kei and Yuri in the area. He locked the door of the bathroom as he washed his face with a cold water trying to get rid of the uncomfortable tension swirling inside of his chest. After doing that he stared in front of the mirror and saw his reflection. He remembered that moment when Kei and him were passionately kissing each other. He can still feel the softness and warmth of his partner's lips on his own and he can't stop thinking of the possibility of what can happen if they didn't stop. His body was getting hot and he have this uncontrollable desire of wanting to touch Kei more, to hug him more… to kiss him more but he was aware that what just happened was just a spur-of-the-moment situation and might never be repeated again.
Kei can't remember who Kota is in his past life and if ever he did then he will just be hated. Things doesn't go well between them. Kota rejected Kei when he confessed his feelings plus what happened between the Blazerz and Sakura and Kei also makes things worst. Obviously he doesn’t really have any rights to show himself to Kei nor harbour any feelings towards him because he believe that his sin is made to be repay for the rest of his life. He doesn't deserved happiness at all, he doesn't deserved any affection from anyone for he is handling a big sin. But knowing Kei's circumstances right now, he can't just leave him alone and he thought that one way to repay for everything that he did was to protect him no matter what and he will devote his whole life for him. He was responsible in giving Kei a peaceful life with a high assurance of security from people who might hurt him which is something he failed to give in the past. He wanted to change the past, he wanted to clear his name, he wanted to be forgiven for his peace of mind but since Kei loss all his memories of what happened it's hard for him to approach the topic thinking that it may cause more misunderstanding towards Kei. Kota loves Kei but he knew he was not worthy for the younger guy.
As he recall about his past he then remembered about Kanata's death. Everything that happened that afternoon flashback in his mind and that weakens his body and so he sit down. He noticed that his clothes was stained by the blood of Kanata's body and it caused fear and traumatic sensation all over him so he immediately take it off. The uncomfortable feeling doesn't end there as he can still smell the strong odour of the blood that penetrate his hands and body. He used water to get rid both the smell and the traces of blood until he decided to just used the shower to washed everything away. Seeing the water dripping from his body turning red as it smoothly flows towards the sink, he can't help himself feeling frustrated, disappointed and pitiable for what happened. Tears started to fell down from his eyes but was hidden with the water droplets coming from the shower through his body going down to the floor. He punched the wall so many times, starting from soft punches to the heavy ones. If only he came on time, if only he was able to save Kanata… everything that he thought that time were all if only.
Kota stayed in the shower area for 20 minutes until he finally calm down. He cleaned himself and then went out and saw Yuri sitting in the chair in the dining area waiting for him. Kota went straight to the refrigerator to have a beer to drink and Yuri was just there, following his movements but was not saying anything. He take a sipped on his ice cold beer while wiping his wet hair but he himself was also not saying anything. He was not in the mood to start a conversation.
"Kei-san went back to his room." Yuri answered but Kota didn't say a thing. "He was… crying." he added and this time Kota stared at Yuri like he caught his attention. The little guy stand up and get his bag "I just waited to say that to you." he said. "I'm going back to my unit. I think you are not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. But if you need something I am just a unit away, I'm willing to help you anytime sempai."
"Y...Yuri wait." Kota called. "Thank you… for waiting and telling me."
"Are you okay now?" Yuri asked him all of a sudden. "I rushed here because the landlord said that you didn't look fine at all."
"So...something just happened a...and…"
"You don't need to force yourself to tell me. I can understand that people have their moments they wanted to make private." Yuri said until he finally go.
Kota sighed as he sits down on a chair and stretched his head back. He was not sure anymore of what he should do first. There are lots of things he was thinking that he just wanted to sit there and just let the time flies. As he take another sipped to his beer, he finally decided that he need to talk to Kei and apologized for what he did. Yuri saying that Kei was crying bothers him. Maybe he hated what he did and now… he felt disgusted. But he didn't want Kei to hate him more and so before things get worst he need to apologized and just tell him that what happened was something he didn't mean to do.
He wear something that he just randomly get from his cabinet and then collect his courage to come to Kei's apartment. As he stand there straight he took a deep breathe and position his hand to knock on the door but then with just a few seconds he let it go. What if Kei is really mad at what he did and he didn't give him time to explain? He will just look pathetic and he even created an opportunity for Kei to toss him away more. He started to think negative things and he even planned on going back to his apartment but after lots of moments fighting with his urge, he finally made his decision to talk to him and settle what just happened.
…
As Kei went back to his apartment he sit down immediately on his sofa while hugging his knees and without doing anything for few minutes he stayed just like that. The warmth of Kota's lips and breathes still lingers on his face. The places that Kota touches was burning and he wish to resumed but he can't. A memory of the past that he tried his best to forget was playing in his mind and that made him aware of the reality that he was standing on. It was not really Kota that he loves who was kissing him that time. It was Kota who wanted comfort because he was depressed about something he wanted to know. That kiss happened not because of love but because of a feeling of comfort that Kota wanted that time. He knew that Kota will not love him and so that kiss doesn't mean anything at all, even for him it means a lot.
After a few minutes of just staying there without doing anything at all, he started to feel the hunger. Now that he was feeling hungry he regret leaving the food that he ordered in the restaurant together with Hikaru. When that guy leave the restaurant, he followed him but on the process he met Aira and because of that he loss his appetite and just went straight back home. He was about to go to the kitchen when he heard a knock to his door and that startled him. He asked who it was but the guy on the other side was not answering. He was about to sneak a look on that small hole on the door but he heard a familiar voice from the other side. "It's Kota. Kei… i… I wanted to talk to you." he said.
Kei didn't know what to do. He was not sure if he was ready to face Kota after what just happened a moment ago. His face started feeling hot and he panicked as he look at the mirror and tried to check his eyes to see if it was obvious that he cried. He was glad that it was not that obvious at all but he was still having a second doubt to talk to Kota that time but then he remembered the situation Kota was in when he entered his room. His clothes was tainted with blood and he even tried to kill himself. He was suffering something deeper than a normal problem and maybe he wanted to have someone he can talk to besides he need to take responsibility - he was the one who first showed himself and asked what happened and he then he will just run away? He took a deep breathe and then he opened the door. "Okay… I'll listen to whatever you wanted to say." Kei said but all of a sudden his stomach growled and because the place was so silent Kei and Kota heard that sound. "Sorry." Kei apologized immediately. He felt so embarrassed that he himself can tell that the tip of his ear was red.
"Let's eat outside… my treat." Kota offered and Kei didn't have a second doubt to agree.
They went to the nearest ramen house in their apartment and ordered something to eat. Since it's already 10 in the evening, there were few customers and so they can have their own private talk without anyone disturbing them. The tension between the two was still there and it cause awkwardness between the two. Who will not be? After what just happened… it's not something that can just be push away and be forgotten instantly.
"I…" Kota uttered. "I'm sorry about what happened a while back." Kota apologized while they were waiting for their order to arrived. "I know I did something… unpleasant. It's just… I loss my senses all of a sudden and then… I… I'm really sorry. I know it bothers you so much so if you will get mad at me… I… I will not be surprise."
"What happened?" Kei asked him, he doesn't care about the apology but he was more concerned with the reason why Kota was acting so desperate that time. But of course hearing Kota apologized just made him think that the kiss doesn't mean anything for Kota at all and what he was thinking that it was just an act out of the feeling of wanting to be comforted was confirmed.
Kota was not able to answer immediately. Kei thought that he will not spill the milk but he did. "S-Someone I knew… committed suicide " Kota answered and that same time their ordered arrived. Kei was stunned and was unable to reply for few seconds. "He was confined in the hospital and loss it… he jumped and… died." Kota continued, trying to be specific with his answer. "I was there when it happened. I was desperately calling for his name… wanting him to wake up but he don't… he won't wake up and his heart stopped beating."
"May I know… who is he?" Kei asked curiously but Kota look hesitant to say his name but in the end he did and when he heard his name it gives him shiver. "Ka...Kanata?" he repeated. He was shocked to hear a familiar name. He is one of the guy that killed Sakura and hurt him. He heard from Daiki that he was just in the hospital because of an attack but now he was already dead. He didn't know what to say, it's true that he hated them but he didn't want them to die. Kota said that he committed suicide and he was curious with the reason why.
"It was depression. I went there because he called me telling that he can't continue living anymore but it's too late when I arrived. I wanted to convinced him but…" he paused a little "I'm too late." Kota answered his question though he didn't tell Kei the whole story. Kei can feel Kota's depression from the way he talk and his expression. Despite of what happened in the past, Kota still care for Kanata. If Kota was just force to do that cruel thing in the past, then he should be mad at those members of Blazerz for doing something like that but he was here feeling depress about it and still caring for his old mate.
He remembered those moments when Kota was just starting as member of Blazerz and he looks so happy. He knew that he was a big fan of Ono Daisuke and so whenever he was standing in front of him he always look delighted. As just someone who was looking from a far, Kei can tell that Kota really enjoyed his time with the team but… the sweet fairy tale ended up as a cruel nightmare.
"You are such...a nice person aren't you?" Kei asked him while he eat his meat. "You were feeling obligated even you don't need to, you feel like it was your fault even it was not."
"P...please don't say it that way… I am not…"
"You are." Kei emphasized, he held his voice a little louder for Kota to stop what he was about to say. He knew that he will going to say that he was not like that but for Kei he is. He admit that first he hated Kota for doing all those cruel things to him but in those days that he was with him he slowly seen how Kota suffered for what happened that time. Hiding himself for 3 years, giving up his social life, his education and even his connections to people important to him. He was always alone, regretting about what he did, thinking about the people that died in front of him. He was punishing his own self even it was not his fault and all those times he was all alone without anyone to comfort him on his side.
Kei survived the trauma of what happened to him because there are people who supported him in the process. His parents, even they are far away, was always calling to ask if he was fine. His grandmother who came to his room immediately if he was having nightmares at night. Mimi who comes home making it livelier for him and even the neighbourhood helps him for his cure. Daiki was also there to help him for everything. He never felt so alone all those years but for Kota, he was fighting his conscience all alone. "You are, Kota." he added with conviction. "Even it was just a short time that we are with each other I know you are a nice guy. You don't need to look down on yourself. Just feeling responsible for the death of your… friend… it just shows the kindness and gentleness hidden inside of you. I can see it… in my naked eyes it was crystal clear."
A moment of silence was caught in between and just after Kei heard Kota chuckled "To hear that to someone who first thought that I am a bad guy… it sounds unreal." he replied but he just meant it as a joke.
Kota laughed. Kei was mesmerized by the view in front of him. He was so happy that he was able to make Kota smile and brings back life on his expression. But that reply was unexpected and to see Kota's smiling face made his heart have an unstable beat once again. "I...I apologized for that…" Kei answered trying his best to conceal his emotions that very moment. "it's hard for me to trust someone and so…"
"I understand… I like it if you will not be so trusting to other people. It's hard if they take advantage of you and you ended up in a difficult situation." Kota replied back. "Bu...but you can trust me. Kei… you can trust me."
"I know." Kei answered immediately as he give him his smile of confirmation to what he just said. Kei felt happy that somehow that worried expression on Kota's face was gone. He didn't need to punished himself anymore, he totally forgive him for what he did and so he just wanted Kota to move on and forget about the past. He stared at him as he continue to eat and he can't help admiring his face. Even before till now, there is no doubt that he was really in love with him but like always it was just one sided.
After they filled their stomach, they stroll around for a little before they go back to the apartment and before they entered their own unit Kota thanks Kei for accompanying him. "You're welcome." Kei replied.
…
Kota went back to his room feeling better than when he came out of that place. He was glad that Kei was not mad for what he did and he even comforted him for his depression. It was hard for him to hide his emotions specially when Kei said that he was trusting him already. It was the most beautiful words he heard that day. He wanted to jump into him and hugged him tightly but he can't just do that. Kei said that without knowing about the past and so it's not really official that he was forgiven for what he did. Realizing that he became depressed again, if only Kei didn't have an amnesia and said those same words then he will be the happiest person in the world but it was totally impossible besides if Kei really did remember the past then there's no way they can talk normally like that. He was sure that if Kei's old self will come back he will bare grudge against him and he was afraid to imagine of the present like that.
He jumped into his bed and saw that his phone was ringing. It was Ono who called and he asked if he was just alright. He was not able to talk to him normally a while back because of his shocked to what happened to Kanata but now he was able to explain to him what really happened. Ono told him that he was planning to have a meeting with the other remaining Blazerz member tomorrow at their usual place and Kota should showed himself. Kota agreed since he need to tell them something important. It was about what the 'caller' told him when they last talk. He just confirmed that it was not Sakura who told the management of the agency about them taking drugs. They made a wrong accusation and killed Sakura for a mistake.
Author's Note: Happy 1st journal entry for 2015. I don't have any plan to update yet because i plan to finished everything before i update or maybe half of the remaining chapters but becuase i saw a picture that made my heart doki doki early morning and made me really happy the whole day i am here for an update.
This picture really made me so happy and i don't know why. Maybe i just miss my OTP so much that's the reason i feel that way? I finished the outline of this fanfic and as far as i can see this will really be long so i hope you will not be bored in reading it. Anyway i will just do my best to not make it boring... i hope i can do it well.
My sister's graduation will be near and i am so excited for her and then my Aunt will be coming back again from America and so things will be busy also i'm having a hard time deciding if i want to work in the city or just here in my province. Actually i really wanted to go to the capital city but there are things that i can't just leave in my province and now i'm confused but if you will going to ask me now what i really wanted... i really wanted to work in the city.