here it comes again...
i'm happy... happiest i've been in a long time. although why do we still feel like something will always be missing? we're never fully content and that's sad. why are we like this? or maybe it's just me?.... whateva.
i thought about him today and it bothered me... i had a conversation and i said something i don't know why i said it, maybe there was a bit of truth.
i wish i felt more. i wish i cared enough about people... but i really don't. not as much as i should. i think i could live in the mountains, in a cabin all alone and be perfectly content without seeing or interacting with people.
i sometimes care. i find few people who i actually care about. i find people so fickle... so untrustworthy... users and abusers. people like to think of themselves as good, ha that's funny. "i'm such a good friend." my asshole is a better friend, at least it gives relief:) people are users. then your friends get mad b/c you're in a relationship. wtf. they want you to be happy, then when you find someone all they do is bitch and moan about how mushy you are, or how you hurt their feelings, or how you're so consumed within the other... well when i find someone who genuinely cares i don't want to let them go. i've been around long enough to know it's a rare thing indeed.
people are selfish bastards. i don't say this with a judgemental attitude, i know about how horrible people can be b/c i know how bad i treat others... i'm just as guilty.
when was the last time you hung out with a friend because you truly wanted to make THEM happy? when was the last time you sat and listened without saying a word. only being there to listen and show you care?...
i could be perfectly alone and satisfied and this truth scares me... stop it Lydia. you need people and you know it...sometimes you need people, most of the time you don't but sometimes you do. GAWD, all i say is word vomit.......blah.... i have to go take a quiz:(
i thought about him today and it bothered me... i had a conversation and i said something i don't know why i said it, maybe there was a bit of truth.
i wish i felt more. i wish i cared enough about people... but i really don't. not as much as i should. i think i could live in the mountains, in a cabin all alone and be perfectly content without seeing or interacting with people.
i sometimes care. i find few people who i actually care about. i find people so fickle... so untrustworthy... users and abusers. people like to think of themselves as good, ha that's funny. "i'm such a good friend." my asshole is a better friend, at least it gives relief:) people are users. then your friends get mad b/c you're in a relationship. wtf. they want you to be happy, then when you find someone all they do is bitch and moan about how mushy you are, or how you hurt their feelings, or how you're so consumed within the other... well when i find someone who genuinely cares i don't want to let them go. i've been around long enough to know it's a rare thing indeed.
people are selfish bastards. i don't say this with a judgemental attitude, i know about how horrible people can be b/c i know how bad i treat others... i'm just as guilty.
when was the last time you hung out with a friend because you truly wanted to make THEM happy? when was the last time you sat and listened without saying a word. only being there to listen and show you care?...
i could be perfectly alone and satisfied and this truth scares me... stop it Lydia. you need people and you know it...sometimes you need people, most of the time you don't but sometimes you do. GAWD, all i say is word vomit.......blah.... i have to go take a quiz:(