Didn't want to -_-
I didn't want this journal to be angst-ridden (I DEFINITELY prefer silliness), but sometimes I just need to say some things. Because blogging publically is the healthy way to deal with problems. -__-
It's an incredibly uncomfortable feeling when you're pretty sure you've realized that someone doesn't like you. It's even worse when you've been (you're pretty sure, anyway) friends for a while, and even WORSE when you're not sure why they seem to harbor intense feelings of antipathy toward you.
...and I'm sure it all gets better once you've realized that your paranoia has forced you to jump to conclusions and that it's just a misunderstanding.
But until you know for sure, it hurts. It feels like a stomachache twisted with nausea crawling up to your throat with a pitstop by your heart, and that's not just because you skipped breakfast and/or coffee.
And sorry for that rather ridiculous description, but that's very much what it feels like. Lots of consfusion, hurt, doubt, resentment, more confusion, worry, and a fair amount of fear-- what could I have done to inspire someone to severe ties and ignore our friendship? If I did something, I sure as hell would like to know what...and at the same time, I'm scared to know that I could be capable of driving someone away like this, and therefore don't want to know.
I want to be friends, but I don't think I can talk to you. -_- I think that's why I'm putting this on LJ, since, as far as I know, you don't read this, but I suppose there'd be a tiny chance (snowball in hell, all that) you do.
Damnit, I want to be wrong.
...Is it the most remarkable coincidence in the world that my horoscope today was:
"A dear friend misreads an email or just misunderstands you in the worst possible way - so be on guard! You have to backtrack quite a bit to fix things up, but of course it’s worth it."