Life Sucks, Charlie Brown
Awkward thinds are unbearably awkward. I hate awkward. At least I've resolved the problems with Mr. You Can See the Pyramids from my Window. He pushed things to incredible heights of inappropriate, while still claiming that he respects that I am married, etc etc. I find that I hate him now because he is intruding where he should not be. He is really high maintanence and I haven't even decided yet if I want him for a friend.
In other news, I am getting closer and closer to an orthodox girl, who is for everything I am against in religion, women's rights, etc. She is also terribly charming and cute and sweet.
I feel rung out. I just need to lay flat and dry and maybe then I can be useful again.
At work, I feel like I am stuck in a place of impotence at times when action is needed. I hate it. There is a lot of tension among the students at Hillel and I feel like the full-time staff is not taking it seriously because they do not see it. It isn't even animosity really. It is just that the obvious differences between orthodoxy and egalitarianism and queer rights and pluralism . . . they clash and there needs to be some conversation but by myself I cannot facilitate it. I am the only person of any authority on shabbat but anything I say during the rest of the week is ignored. Everyone has their little niches of runnning Hillel (events, funding, etc) but there is no one focusing on the religious needs. The staff, save my boss, are all secular and somewhat hostile to religion. I don't even really know what my boss does since he locks himself away most of the time and seems to be continually behind in work even though he has 6 interns working just for him.
I think I may just take some initiative, talk to people in a non-hostile environment when it is not Shabbat and see what I can do on my own.
There were also problems with Mitch's 4th wife. I suspect there will always be problems with her since she is the most recent naive person to be duped by him. She is rather condescending for someone dumb enough to marry a 3 time divorcee (who also broke the age/2+7 rule). She stated at some point that her children will always respect mitch and I've decided based on that idea of "respect" that she must just be white trash. Being blond and from a midwest family also adds weight to that idea. She thinks I am intentionally trying to turn Kimi away from her dad. And I am, of course, but for good reasons. He is playing all his little games and twisting her about and the lies are bleeding into every part of her life. Things came to a head when she asked Cheryl to contact Chris and myself so she could ask some questions. Lara took all this is a fucked up, ass-backwards way. So I set fire to that bridge because really, she can have all the dumbass stupid she wants. She played me for the bad guy and if she wants it that way, let her have all that damn hurt for herself.
She keeps saying that there are two sides to every story but refuses to listen to everyone else's. So I did ask her in an email just why she thinks everyone from Mitch's past hates him so much. She didn't answer. She unfriended me instead. I also mentioned that popular wisdom, as well as my own anecdotal wisdom, teaches that people don't really a change. A lieing, adulterous, matricidal thief doesn't become dad of the year after a divorce. If she had not been so rude and insulting to me, I would probably be sparing her some of my sympathy but as it is, I hope she chokes on her regret and that fat foot she shoved in her mouth.
She is also clearly one of those annoying new parents who think that her drooling 2 year old shit factory is a fucking genius. Loving your child is one thing, but 2 year olds aren't brilliant. I mean, maybe compared to their twat of a mother who was dumb enough to think that Mitch is not going to cheat on her the way he cheated on my mother, then Geri, then Cheryl. Vindictive, hell yes.
People who are condescending to me can never regain in my eyes. They are shitheads until they die, when they at least become useful as plant food.
My last period took about half of last month and it has come again. My "jewish" identity has become a crisis again. And this quarter, I was supposed to be making up late essays and learning German. I can't tell any more if my quick emotions are PMS or justifyable or latent or less powerful than they ought to be. It is all too much. I just wanted to celebrate life, you know. Not stress out about work and light switches and kiddish and transgendered persons and and and. And I really want some chocolate and to feel like my every action is not coded by extra meaning, heavy with importance, historical.
In other news, I am getting closer and closer to an orthodox girl, who is for everything I am against in religion, women's rights, etc. She is also terribly charming and cute and sweet.
I feel rung out. I just need to lay flat and dry and maybe then I can be useful again.
At work, I feel like I am stuck in a place of impotence at times when action is needed. I hate it. There is a lot of tension among the students at Hillel and I feel like the full-time staff is not taking it seriously because they do not see it. It isn't even animosity really. It is just that the obvious differences between orthodoxy and egalitarianism and queer rights and pluralism . . . they clash and there needs to be some conversation but by myself I cannot facilitate it. I am the only person of any authority on shabbat but anything I say during the rest of the week is ignored. Everyone has their little niches of runnning Hillel (events, funding, etc) but there is no one focusing on the religious needs. The staff, save my boss, are all secular and somewhat hostile to religion. I don't even really know what my boss does since he locks himself away most of the time and seems to be continually behind in work even though he has 6 interns working just for him.
I think I may just take some initiative, talk to people in a non-hostile environment when it is not Shabbat and see what I can do on my own.
There were also problems with Mitch's 4th wife. I suspect there will always be problems with her since she is the most recent naive person to be duped by him. She is rather condescending for someone dumb enough to marry a 3 time divorcee (who also broke the age/2+7 rule). She stated at some point that her children will always respect mitch and I've decided based on that idea of "respect" that she must just be white trash. Being blond and from a midwest family also adds weight to that idea. She thinks I am intentionally trying to turn Kimi away from her dad. And I am, of course, but for good reasons. He is playing all his little games and twisting her about and the lies are bleeding into every part of her life. Things came to a head when she asked Cheryl to contact Chris and myself so she could ask some questions. Lara took all this is a fucked up, ass-backwards way. So I set fire to that bridge because really, she can have all the dumbass stupid she wants. She played me for the bad guy and if she wants it that way, let her have all that damn hurt for herself.
She keeps saying that there are two sides to every story but refuses to listen to everyone else's. So I did ask her in an email just why she thinks everyone from Mitch's past hates him so much. She didn't answer. She unfriended me instead. I also mentioned that popular wisdom, as well as my own anecdotal wisdom, teaches that people don't really a change. A lieing, adulterous, matricidal thief doesn't become dad of the year after a divorce. If she had not been so rude and insulting to me, I would probably be sparing her some of my sympathy but as it is, I hope she chokes on her regret and that fat foot she shoved in her mouth.
She is also clearly one of those annoying new parents who think that her drooling 2 year old shit factory is a fucking genius. Loving your child is one thing, but 2 year olds aren't brilliant. I mean, maybe compared to their twat of a mother who was dumb enough to think that Mitch is not going to cheat on her the way he cheated on my mother, then Geri, then Cheryl. Vindictive, hell yes.
People who are condescending to me can never regain in my eyes. They are shitheads until they die, when they at least become useful as plant food.
My last period took about half of last month and it has come again. My "jewish" identity has become a crisis again. And this quarter, I was supposed to be making up late essays and learning German. I can't tell any more if my quick emotions are PMS or justifyable or latent or less powerful than they ought to be. It is all too much. I just wanted to celebrate life, you know. Not stress out about work and light switches and kiddish and transgendered persons and and and. And I really want some chocolate and to feel like my every action is not coded by extra meaning, heavy with importance, historical.