A Walking Contradition
so ive decided that im pretty much sick of this whole, crush/playing games/does he like me?/flirting/bullshit that has been my life since practically forever. I feel like I'm just settling and i dont want that, i dont want to put myself through all that crap, for what? what? nothing really.
Sometimes, I look at other girls and think to myself, maybe if I had her legs, or hairstyle. Then maybe things would be different. But thats completely assine because why in the hell did Brad Pitt leave Jennifer Aniston? if celebrities, the most beautiful people, richest people on earth cant make it, then how the hell do us normal civilians have even a chance?
I hate feeling insecure. I hate it. I wish somehow, magically i could wake up and everything would be different about the world. That people would actually judge a person on what comes out of their mouth rather on the size of pants and boobs they have. Thats a ridiculous thought.
So I guess I have come to the conclusion, that as of tonight, I will be me, completely, and not worry abt a damn thing. I do not care if tonight I'm not dressed up, or I am when nobody else is. I will not care if my hair is messy and i dont have makeup on. Cuz THATS me. Boys are the most confusing and heartbreaking things on the planet.
Granted all this thinking will change by tommorrow afternoon. I have this problem where I say something, and try to convince myself of something and then i end up just honestly believing the complete opposite. I'm a walking contradition.
It is really hard to actually say and write the words that are in my head right now. This is completely jumbled and messy and makes no sense.
Because i thought that when you meet the right person, it shouldnt be that hard. That they will accept and love you, for what you really are. But really now, thats probably what Hollywood is telling me. That one day magically a guy will sweep me off my unpolished feet. A part of me wants to believe that its true.
Im 18 years old, why am i analyzing and analyzing these issues? ITs RIDICULOUS sarah get a life seriously. I hate these games. I hate worrying abt every lil damn thing that comes out of my mouth, or what doesnt come out. Maybe I should have said this, or done that. its bullshit. and truely exhausting.
Who knows what I'll think tommorrow.
Sometimes, I look at other girls and think to myself, maybe if I had her legs, or hairstyle. Then maybe things would be different. But thats completely assine because why in the hell did Brad Pitt leave Jennifer Aniston? if celebrities, the most beautiful people, richest people on earth cant make it, then how the hell do us normal civilians have even a chance?
I hate feeling insecure. I hate it. I wish somehow, magically i could wake up and everything would be different about the world. That people would actually judge a person on what comes out of their mouth rather on the size of pants and boobs they have. Thats a ridiculous thought.
So I guess I have come to the conclusion, that as of tonight, I will be me, completely, and not worry abt a damn thing. I do not care if tonight I'm not dressed up, or I am when nobody else is. I will not care if my hair is messy and i dont have makeup on. Cuz THATS me. Boys are the most confusing and heartbreaking things on the planet.
Granted all this thinking will change by tommorrow afternoon. I have this problem where I say something, and try to convince myself of something and then i end up just honestly believing the complete opposite. I'm a walking contradition.
It is really hard to actually say and write the words that are in my head right now. This is completely jumbled and messy and makes no sense.
Because i thought that when you meet the right person, it shouldnt be that hard. That they will accept and love you, for what you really are. But really now, thats probably what Hollywood is telling me. That one day magically a guy will sweep me off my unpolished feet. A part of me wants to believe that its true.
Im 18 years old, why am i analyzing and analyzing these issues? ITs RIDICULOUS sarah get a life seriously. I hate these games. I hate worrying abt every lil damn thing that comes out of my mouth, or what doesnt come out. Maybe I should have said this, or done that. its bullshit. and truely exhausting.
Who knows what I'll think tommorrow.