& keep your feet on the ground
People always tell you; just say what you feel get it all out in the open. Sometimes its not that easy. Sometimes you're scared. But sometimes you just gotta say; fuck it.
When i first moved, i felt like i would never get over it. I felt that it would take me a hundred years just to make a friend. Well, that wasnt the case. People came up to me & talked to me and invited me to sit with them at lunch the first day. Of course i didnt get used to it the first day. It took me about 6 months to get over being all whiny and 'depressed' about McKinney. I'll always love McKinney the most of course but i was getting used to Daytona. Eventually, i stopped calling & so did they. We stopped talking. I stopped crying over the phone to them telling them how much i wanted to go home. They were just memories now. Fun to look back on; but as my cousin says. Its better to make memories than to live in the past. So then of course, life went on. Without me. Without them. & i was fine. I am fine. It doesnt hurt anymore; i dont miss them anymore. I like it here. Im over it. Closure.
& with that said...
Kenzi; i love you so fucking much. You are my best friend & have so many jokes and memories & you're the only one who kept in touch with me. & i love you for that. But things change. & since they have. I know that neither one of us has said anything. But whatever. I hate the way that we dont say anything. That we dont have normal conversations anymore. That we dont talk to each other the way we used to. I hate the way that you take everything so seriously. You dont joke anymore. I hate the way how you act like youre cooler now; that you try to be something. I hate the way that we act like we're friends just because we grew up together. & i miss you. And after all ive said; i want to let you know. im not mad at you. i dont hate you. i still want to be friends. still love you to death. & you still are, & will always be my best friend. & to get mad at me over this would be stupid. One of us had to say it first.
Cody; haha. God i dont know where to start with you. Youre awesome. You make me smile and you make me laugh and youre silly. But you changed. When you first started hanging out with Chris and all of us in 7th grade, you were quiet, you were shy, & the only person you talked to was Chris. I was the first person [besides Chris] to really talk to you. I was the first girl to come up to you & be friends. We were almost best friends. You made me laugh & you always talked to me & always cared about me and joked around. I was the first one to like you but was still just your friend. When i moved, we still talked online & as time went on, i became invisible. You forgot about me. The only conversations we had were hi & whats up before you ditched me. Dont keep in touch. I hate how you changed; because i loved the way you were. You changed so much i dont even know you anymore. You dont talk to me, fine. But after all thats said and done, i am still completly infatuated with you. i cant get over you. & i dont kno why. i miss the way you were.
Ally; i've known you since 2nd grade but sadly didnt get closer to you until 7th grade. It was Halloween that year & everyone just met up & went crazy. It was so much fun. Then Thanksgiving break, kenzi left & i mustve hung out with you and Julia every waking moment of that week. From the time i took my pants off & went running through your neighborhood at 2 o clock in the morning to tackling Hunter when we were at the park, we got close. & then i left. & you changed. I dont know how to explain it but you're not the happy goofy ally that you used to be. Im not so much making closure with you; i just wanted to let you know that i miss the way you used to be.
& after all of this. i still love all of you. I just dont care anymore. & that makes me happy
PS; if anyone has something negative to say about the entry. Dont even comment. Because i didnt write it to be mean, i just wrote it because i know no one else would.