lose-lose situation much?

[innocensuality]

it always seems to be harder to break up with someone than to be on the other end of it. i broke up with steven tonight. i know it is the right thing to do, but my heart feels so broken. i wanted him to love me. but he doesnt love me. yes, he cares about me a lot. he means so incredibly much to me as well. but he doesnt love me. and i dont love him. by now there should be love. its been 4 months since we met. but its not there. and i dont think it ever will be. i wanted those key differences between us to be something we could just deal with, as well. but we couldnt. we have opposing beliefs and its just not something we can work through. i feel that sex is crucial to intimacy in a relationship. he could just as well go forever without sex. on top of this, he wont even sleep over at my new apartment. i need the closeness that sleeping together provides. hell, i wasnt even trying to seduce him. i just wanted him close to me at night. but he was adamant that he didnt want it.

there's more, but these are the biggest things. some things just cant be glossed over. some differences are just too big to ignore.

my heart hurts. its all my own doing, too. but it would have been wrong to keep pretending everything was okay. it would have been unfair to both of us. i know it sounds cliche, but i really REALLY hope we'll still be friends. we have fun together. it would break my heart to have him out of my life altogether. i just hope we can manage it. it will hurt for a while, im sure.

i miss him already. :(