Not suicide
Over the last few days I've had a lot of heartfelt conversations with a lot of people. I've heard a lot of perspectives, a lot of arguments, a lot of emotions.
I think there have been two principle arguments that moved me most. First was focused on the things in life that I do find fulfilling. Discussing this made me realise there are plenty of things I want to do but don't, essentially because I am still not healthy enough. This in turn made me think that there could well be a lot of room for improvement, medicine wise.
It's not that I was consciously thinking that I had hit my peak, I just wasn't considering it from this angle.
The second argument was focused on my daily activities. Again after some discussion, I realised that some of the things I have been pushing myself to accomplish were not strictly essential. Instead I was aiming for some hypothetical goal of 'productive' that was overly ambitious and detrimental.
These ideas seem obvious now that I write them down, but they felt like epiphanies at the time :P
The upside is, I now feel like I have an updated strategy that is genuinely worth trying. Focus on medicine/doctors with the highest priority to see how much improvement there is to be had. Then see what can be done with regards to having more fun. Then start thinking about adding more work to my day with low priority.
So that's my plan. Actually try to improve those costs and benefits I keep talking about. See how much I can close the gap by, and how fast.
Thanks again to everyone who offered support <3
I think there have been two principle arguments that moved me most. First was focused on the things in life that I do find fulfilling. Discussing this made me realise there are plenty of things I want to do but don't, essentially because I am still not healthy enough. This in turn made me think that there could well be a lot of room for improvement, medicine wise.
It's not that I was consciously thinking that I had hit my peak, I just wasn't considering it from this angle.
The second argument was focused on my daily activities. Again after some discussion, I realised that some of the things I have been pushing myself to accomplish were not strictly essential. Instead I was aiming for some hypothetical goal of 'productive' that was overly ambitious and detrimental.
These ideas seem obvious now that I write them down, but they felt like epiphanies at the time :P
The upside is, I now feel like I have an updated strategy that is genuinely worth trying. Focus on medicine/doctors with the highest priority to see how much improvement there is to be had. Then see what can be done with regards to having more fun. Then start thinking about adding more work to my day with low priority.
So that's my plan. Actually try to improve those costs and benefits I keep talking about. See how much I can close the gap by, and how fast.
Thanks again to everyone who offered support <3