i don't understand myself
Wow. i really haven't updated in forever.
I guess things have just been really hectic. Europe was good, but being here after was hard. So many things i had to catch up on, so many things to explain, so many emotions.
I've disappointed myself maybe 5 times so far since my return. That's a lot for less than 2 weeks of being back. i wonder if i'll be able to control myself next time? do what i want? make up my mind about certain people?
it's a hopeless cycle that i've fallen into so many times before. for some reason, though, this time it doesn't seem to bother me. Could it be that i'm in that numb stage again? could it be that my goal to never feel mad or sad is making me just really enjoy everything? could it be that i've had a few good days surrounded by friends having fun and nothing bothers me? whatever it is, i'm fine right now. i'm blank. and i have no idea why i'm writing this.
I guess things have just been really hectic. Europe was good, but being here after was hard. So many things i had to catch up on, so many things to explain, so many emotions.
I've disappointed myself maybe 5 times so far since my return. That's a lot for less than 2 weeks of being back. i wonder if i'll be able to control myself next time? do what i want? make up my mind about certain people?
it's a hopeless cycle that i've fallen into so many times before. for some reason, though, this time it doesn't seem to bother me. Could it be that i'm in that numb stage again? could it be that my goal to never feel mad or sad is making me just really enjoy everything? could it be that i've had a few good days surrounded by friends having fun and nothing bothers me? whatever it is, i'm fine right now. i'm blank. and i have no idea why i'm writing this.