*UPDATE* 7 years later
sup LJ
Reading through older entries.. and it turns out the struggles of my teenage self continued into adulthood. hooray! On the one hand, i'm impressed by the responsibility i took on towards improving myself as a teenager, but... did i really have to berate myself for achieving only 3.0 GPAs, failing DMV driving tests, for being introverted af, and thinking too much about ... everything?
Fast forward 10+ years later. i graduated UCD with a BA, BS and minor. I have a fulfilling career, an advantageous position in the org industry for my age, and have good health. But I still worry about how much I'm not doing/achieving and get slip into relentless cycles of rumination and self-criticism. I am older now, and have amassed a colorful vocabulary for kim's psychic dis-order and biology, and really-- just knowing the right words can be liberating.
The main truth I will continue to focus on in 2018 is this: Try new things and do them over and over. And again.
Turns out if you repeatedly add input, the brain will reorganize itself. synapses and nerve firings dance, an orchestra of anatomy and physiology reaches a crescendo... along the way, movement finds a groove to settle to. This improvement can't be caught, it just happens with repeated exposure.
PS shoutouts/grateful for: confucius teachings, BTS/bighit entertainment, FiNe, konmari, katie seaton, deer park monastery, bosc0-ssi, medication, mindfulness meditation, quitting smoking, and andrew mrvos 6 month sweet bae <3