I'd rather be with you because I love the way you scream my name
My stomach is flipping over and over and I feel like I'm going to be violently sick. Great. I woke up in the midst of a dream about Dad and Mom, great. Mom was trying to find an outfit by going around various charity stores and Dad came to pick us up to take us to a sandwich shop. It's really affected me, I'm normally okay with these dreams but this one is just.. ow. I miss him, heh, I do miss all the silly little things, I miss what made him him, I miss his hugs and the fact that he was my dad and he was around. it's so hard growing up when you lose the one person that got you 13 years through the process. How do you even ever come to terms with it? And what if you don't? It seems to be getting worse as I get older.
I still sometimes think it's not real, that it couldn't possibly have happened and that I'm just living in a dream and that one day I'll wake up. Maybe that's just my ultimate wish, that one day I'll wake up and dad'll be there. There are points when it hurts to know he's not around - when I started Northgate and he wasn't there, when I got my results and he wasn't, when I stepped out of the door to do my first and last exams. It never gets easier and I wish I could think of a way to make it so.
Wish I didn't feel like this this morning, I'm going to be vulnerable all day now.
I still sometimes think it's not real, that it couldn't possibly have happened and that I'm just living in a dream and that one day I'll wake up. Maybe that's just my ultimate wish, that one day I'll wake up and dad'll be there. There are points when it hurts to know he's not around - when I started Northgate and he wasn't there, when I got my results and he wasn't, when I stepped out of the door to do my first and last exams. It never gets easier and I wish I could think of a way to make it so.
Wish I didn't feel like this this morning, I'm going to be vulnerable all day now.