POST OF DOOM
WOOHOO I am now protected from pregnancy for 10 GLORIOUS YEARS (assuming that the copper IUD doesn't cause any issues for me).
I spent the whole morning feeling sick with panic about it only to realise later that it wasn't the procedure itself that scared me but the thought of having to catch a bus to an unknown place (SERIOUSLY you'd think the fact that I was getting something shoved up inside me would be the major problem here but NOOO the anxiety was ALL travel-related as usual and as soon as I SAW the clinic as I was walking towards it the nerves all dissipated). As for the coil insertion itself, it was what I would call mildly uncomfortable with a few moments of greater discomfort and NOT the agonising pain that I feared (even the sound wasn't bad, it just felt WEIRD). I do have cramps at the moment, but that's to be expected and it's nothing that some ibuprofen can't deal with.
(AHAHAHA coming back to edit this after finishing the post, those cramps are SO MUCH WORSE NOW.)
IN OTHER NEWS (FANDOM NEWS I MEAN) I have JUST NOW finished reading all available scanlations for Sekaiichi Hatsukoi. OH GOD I LOVE THIS SERIES. SiH is one of those series that appeals to me SO MUCH on a certain level that I can look past the problems it has and allow myself to be OVERCOME WITH ADORATION. I was reading it this morning before I left, and it was such a welcome distraction. I couldn't adore Ritsu more, I am serious. I loved his development both in the workplace and his more personal relationship with Takano (those flashbacks scenes to when they were both in school together were fantastic and HOW MUCH DID I LOL AT RITSU ROLLING AROUND ON TAKANO'S BED AND THEN GETTING FOUND OUT). I liked Ritsu a lot even after only having seen the anime, but after reading the manga I think I GET him a lot more now. I WANT THE HAPPY ENDING FOR THEM, DAMMIT. I like that Ritsu resists because he's SCARED AND VULNERABLE and for him being in love with someone means a huge potential for emotional harm (because he hasn't quite got the ability to trust that his loved one is not going to hurt him) and I also love that the past has also affected Takano in a not insignificant way (and it is definitely the hidden emotional vulnerability that got me liking Takano; HIS ADMISSION ABOUT IMAGINING CHRISTMAS WITH RITSU OMG). I LIKE BITTER AND BROKEN THINGS.
I ALSO LOVE KISA (NOT THAT THIS IS NEW).
THIS IS GETTING LONG.
I guess what REALLY sold me on SiH is (with the possible exception of Chiaki) that even when these characters are doing stupid things the reason is THERE and the insecurities that lie behind their actions are what has me longing for a good resolution. I am SO GLAD that I read the manga because the problems I had with the anime regarding Kisa's hesitance around Yukina (WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST HAVE SEX) are NO LONGER PROBLEMS (THEY HAD SEX). I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH WAS CUT. ONLY I CAN BUT I RESENT IT. AT LEAST IMPLY THAT THEY SLEPT TOGETHER. I am not PLEASED to see that Kisa and Yukina's relationship is not without problems but I do like the fact that the issues they're facing are realistic (finding the balance between work and a partner and navigating the age difference). I also like how much sex they have (and how adorable are Yukina's comments about how much he loves doing it with Kisa?).
JUST...WORK IT OUT, PLEASE.
STOP DOING STUPID THINGS AND GET THE BALANCE RIGHT.
(I have laughingly said that nobody in this series ever draws the right conclusion first time and EVEN WORSE nobody manages to side-step the drama by simply having a proper conversation about it, but even then I find myself feeling a lot of sympathy for them because you can see WHY characters like Kisa jump to conclusions because it's all based in their own issues and negative feelings towards themselves...and let's face it, love is far from logical.)
1. General Problems
I did mention that I have some problems with the series, so I'm going to go into those here.
It's weird, because it doesn't detract from my enjoyment of the series (or at least, it hasn't done so yet) but I NOTICE. I am not a fan of the art style (POOR RITSU'S FACE SOMETIMES LOOKS LIKE A SPOON and it is SO EASY to tell which character's the seme and which is the uke just from LOOKING, and I also don't like having to SQUINT at the pages to figure out what's going on in a sex scene) and there are the usual cliches (an apparent lack of lubrication, it goes straight to penetrative sex ALL THE TIME (having said that I adore that Kisa appears to enjoy giving blowjobs and I have never been quite sure whether Ritsu and Takano actually went all the way the first time?) even if the characters haven't ever done that before or might not be in the best place to do it AND I COULD GO ON.
2. STALKING
ALSO EVERYONE IS A STALKER OR OTHERWISE MORE OBSESSIVE THAN NORMAL ABOUT THEIR LOVE INTEREST.
Ritsu used to stalk Takano when they were in school together.
Takano is so obsessed with Ritsu that he's never stopped loving him in those ten years.
Kisa went to Yukina's workplace every day just to stare at him.
Yukina's interest in Kisa grew exponentially after finding out Kisa edited all of his favourite manga. Kisa is obsessed with Yukina's face and Yukina is obsessed with Kisa's work and that's the basis for their relationship.
Hatori has remained by the side of someone he loves and (for a long time) believes he will never be able to confess to for 28 YEARS.
Chiaki is so desperate not to lose Hatori that he forces Hatori to kiss him again and later has sex with him despite his complete confusion about whether or not he is capable of having feelings for another man (the decision seems to come from fear of losing Tori rather than wanting to do it because it is enjoyable so it stems from a desire to PREVENT SOMETHING BAD at first rather than START SOMETHING GOOD).
I actually LIKE most of the situations listed above, which is what makes it difficult for me to think of this in an analytical way. NONE of these characters have the best basis for starting a relationship, but because of this I am enjoying seeing them struggle towards what will ultimately be a (hopefully) happy ending. I don't WANT perfection, I guess.
3. PURITY OF LOVE
I do find it interesting (and probably linked to the intensity of attraction that leads to obsession/stalking) that these relationships and these feelings of attraction are all framed as pure (and elevated over past experiences). I mean, I GET that this is what the entire series is about, first love, but does that imply that there's something less desirable about falling in love and then out of love and then finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? I don't think that's what the series is saying directly (and thankfully none of the characters have ever been shamed in the text for having had sexual experiences with people other than their True First Loves) but the sense of it is there nonetheless and the more I think about it, the less I like it.
How is everyone's love represented as pure (especially given that most of these characters are not virgins)?
Hatori has 28 YEARS OF SILENT AND UNREQUITED LOVE FOR HIS CHILDHOOD FRIEND. Chiaki has NEVER CONSIDERED HATORI IN THAT WAY BEFORE and is NAIVE AND INNOCENT.
Takano and Ritsu were lovers a long time ago. Takano's love is pure because HE HAS NEVER STOPPED LOVING RITSU EVEN IF HE DID SLEEP WITH YOKOZAWA/OTHERS IN THE MEANTIME. Ritsu's love is pure because HE HASN'T ALLOWED HIMSELF TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ANYONE AFTER HAVING HIS HEART BROKEN BY WHAT HAPPENED WITH TAKANO.
Yukina, I suppose, falls into the same rough category as Chiaki. HIS FIRST TIME FALLING IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN. Kisa is the REALLY INTERESTING one. His love is pure because he HAS NEVER BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE DESPITE HIS AGE (30). I think it's with Kisa that I first became aware that this trope has PROBLEMS and it's because in my opinion the author is trying too hard to eliminate any suggestion that Kisa has ever experienced real love before. The issue I have with it is this; what is it that sets Yukina apart from all the other men Kisa says he fell in love with for their looks alone? Kisa says himself that he doesn't know anything about Yukina and would usually just seize the opportunity to have sex with someone he finds so intensely attractive, but there's no REASON for him to act differently. I am sure it's supposed to be because Yukina is SPECIAL, but that's not quite enough for me. HOW is Yukina special? I want to know what it is about him that has Kisa acting differently when his behaviour pattern up until that point (attraction to someone younger and good-looking) has stayed exactly the same as usual.
I like Yukina/Kisa as a pairing, but I am not so sure about this suggestion that Kisa IS NOT ALLOWED to have experienced real love before because it would somehow devalue his relationship with Yukina.
I am SO GLAD that Yukina hasn't expressed concerns about Kisa's promiscuity (but conversely I don't mind that Ritsu is bothered by the idea of Takano having been with anyone else in the years between their doomed first relationship and their second meeting, because that is in character for him and reflects their history AND the direction they are moving in now). I LIKE the fact that Kisa has slept around/is experienced and that the thought of one night stands doesn't bother him, but I did note that whenever it comes up in the manga he gets that LOOK (the one that says he thinks that he SHOULD be ashamed of it). I think that the look Kisa gets at moments where his greater sexual experience is brought up can be explained away by the fact that he's come to realise that perhaps he IS after something more than just no strings sex despite telling himself that he's not a relationship kind of person, but I am wary of even a hint of negativity being attached to his other sexual experiences. I don't think they should be looked down on, in any case (and I hope it's never hinted at that readers should be doing this). I also hope that Kisa doesn't end up regretting his past promiscuity.
(I feel like now is the right time to announce that I LOVED his "essence of men" line...)
In conclusion, sex or past relationships don't mean anything AS LONG AS IT'S NOT LOVE.
(...and no matter how often Ritsu tries to deny it IT IS LOVE)
Takano can "get away" with having slept with Yokozawa because he says he never saw it as that kind of relationship and it probably only happened because he was an emotional mess due to that misunderstanding leading to Ritsu breaking up with him.
Hatori, if he has slept with others (can't imagine that he HASN'T), is okay because he never thought that he would be able to be with Chiaki as anything other than a best friend and editor. I think the Hatori-Chiaki-Yuu love triangle is going to be INTERESTING. I doubt Yuu will be able to compete with Tori but Chiaki will probably do something stupid and complicate matters SIGH.
...I guess I just wrote meta?
THE FUNNY THING?
I AM AWARE OF ALL THIS AND I STILL LOVE THIS SERIES, LOVE THESE CHARACTERS AND THEIR BAD DECISIONS AND THEIR FLAWS AND PAST HURTS, AND I SUPPORT THESE BAD FOUNDATIONS FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIPS AND WANT NOTHING MORE FOR THEM TO WORK OUT THEIR PROBLEMS AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH THE PERSON THIS SERIES HAS ALLOCATED TO BE THEIR ONE TRUE LOVE INTEREST. UM.
I spent the whole morning feeling sick with panic about it only to realise later that it wasn't the procedure itself that scared me but the thought of having to catch a bus to an unknown place (SERIOUSLY you'd think the fact that I was getting something shoved up inside me would be the major problem here but NOOO the anxiety was ALL travel-related as usual and as soon as I SAW the clinic as I was walking towards it the nerves all dissipated). As for the coil insertion itself, it was what I would call mildly uncomfortable with a few moments of greater discomfort and NOT the agonising pain that I feared (even the sound wasn't bad, it just felt WEIRD). I do have cramps at the moment, but that's to be expected and it's nothing that some ibuprofen can't deal with.
(AHAHAHA coming back to edit this after finishing the post, those cramps are SO MUCH WORSE NOW.)
IN OTHER NEWS (FANDOM NEWS I MEAN) I have JUST NOW finished reading all available scanlations for Sekaiichi Hatsukoi. OH GOD I LOVE THIS SERIES. SiH is one of those series that appeals to me SO MUCH on a certain level that I can look past the problems it has and allow myself to be OVERCOME WITH ADORATION. I was reading it this morning before I left, and it was such a welcome distraction. I couldn't adore Ritsu more, I am serious. I loved his development both in the workplace and his more personal relationship with Takano (those flashbacks scenes to when they were both in school together were fantastic and HOW MUCH DID I LOL AT RITSU ROLLING AROUND ON TAKANO'S BED AND THEN GETTING FOUND OUT). I liked Ritsu a lot even after only having seen the anime, but after reading the manga I think I GET him a lot more now. I WANT THE HAPPY ENDING FOR THEM, DAMMIT. I like that Ritsu resists because he's SCARED AND VULNERABLE and for him being in love with someone means a huge potential for emotional harm (because he hasn't quite got the ability to trust that his loved one is not going to hurt him) and I also love that the past has also affected Takano in a not insignificant way (and it is definitely the hidden emotional vulnerability that got me liking Takano; HIS ADMISSION ABOUT IMAGINING CHRISTMAS WITH RITSU OMG). I LIKE BITTER AND BROKEN THINGS.
I ALSO LOVE KISA (NOT THAT THIS IS NEW).
THIS IS GETTING LONG.
I guess what REALLY sold me on SiH is (with the possible exception of Chiaki) that even when these characters are doing stupid things the reason is THERE and the insecurities that lie behind their actions are what has me longing for a good resolution. I am SO GLAD that I read the manga because the problems I had with the anime regarding Kisa's hesitance around Yukina (WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST HAVE SEX) are NO LONGER PROBLEMS (THEY HAD SEX). I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH WAS CUT. ONLY I CAN BUT I RESENT IT. AT LEAST IMPLY THAT THEY SLEPT TOGETHER. I am not PLEASED to see that Kisa and Yukina's relationship is not without problems but I do like the fact that the issues they're facing are realistic (finding the balance between work and a partner and navigating the age difference). I also like how much sex they have (and how adorable are Yukina's comments about how much he loves doing it with Kisa?).
JUST...WORK IT OUT, PLEASE.
STOP DOING STUPID THINGS AND GET THE BALANCE RIGHT.
(I have laughingly said that nobody in this series ever draws the right conclusion first time and EVEN WORSE nobody manages to side-step the drama by simply having a proper conversation about it, but even then I find myself feeling a lot of sympathy for them because you can see WHY characters like Kisa jump to conclusions because it's all based in their own issues and negative feelings towards themselves...and let's face it, love is far from logical.)
1. General Problems
I did mention that I have some problems with the series, so I'm going to go into those here.
It's weird, because it doesn't detract from my enjoyment of the series (or at least, it hasn't done so yet) but I NOTICE. I am not a fan of the art style (POOR RITSU'S FACE SOMETIMES LOOKS LIKE A SPOON and it is SO EASY to tell which character's the seme and which is the uke just from LOOKING, and I also don't like having to SQUINT at the pages to figure out what's going on in a sex scene) and there are the usual cliches (an apparent lack of lubrication, it goes straight to penetrative sex ALL THE TIME (having said that I adore that Kisa appears to enjoy giving blowjobs and I have never been quite sure whether Ritsu and Takano actually went all the way the first time?) even if the characters haven't ever done that before or might not be in the best place to do it AND I COULD GO ON.
2. STALKING
ALSO EVERYONE IS A STALKER OR OTHERWISE MORE OBSESSIVE THAN NORMAL ABOUT THEIR LOVE INTEREST.
Ritsu used to stalk Takano when they were in school together.
Takano is so obsessed with Ritsu that he's never stopped loving him in those ten years.
Kisa went to Yukina's workplace every day just to stare at him.
Yukina's interest in Kisa grew exponentially after finding out Kisa edited all of his favourite manga. Kisa is obsessed with Yukina's face and Yukina is obsessed with Kisa's work and that's the basis for their relationship.
Hatori has remained by the side of someone he loves and (for a long time) believes he will never be able to confess to for 28 YEARS.
Chiaki is so desperate not to lose Hatori that he forces Hatori to kiss him again and later has sex with him despite his complete confusion about whether or not he is capable of having feelings for another man (the decision seems to come from fear of losing Tori rather than wanting to do it because it is enjoyable so it stems from a desire to PREVENT SOMETHING BAD at first rather than START SOMETHING GOOD).
I actually LIKE most of the situations listed above, which is what makes it difficult for me to think of this in an analytical way. NONE of these characters have the best basis for starting a relationship, but because of this I am enjoying seeing them struggle towards what will ultimately be a (hopefully) happy ending. I don't WANT perfection, I guess.
3. PURITY OF LOVE
I do find it interesting (and probably linked to the intensity of attraction that leads to obsession/stalking) that these relationships and these feelings of attraction are all framed as pure (and elevated over past experiences). I mean, I GET that this is what the entire series is about, first love, but does that imply that there's something less desirable about falling in love and then out of love and then finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? I don't think that's what the series is saying directly (and thankfully none of the characters have ever been shamed in the text for having had sexual experiences with people other than their True First Loves) but the sense of it is there nonetheless and the more I think about it, the less I like it.
How is everyone's love represented as pure (especially given that most of these characters are not virgins)?
Hatori has 28 YEARS OF SILENT AND UNREQUITED LOVE FOR HIS CHILDHOOD FRIEND. Chiaki has NEVER CONSIDERED HATORI IN THAT WAY BEFORE and is NAIVE AND INNOCENT.
Takano and Ritsu were lovers a long time ago. Takano's love is pure because HE HAS NEVER STOPPED LOVING RITSU EVEN IF HE DID SLEEP WITH YOKOZAWA/OTHERS IN THE MEANTIME. Ritsu's love is pure because HE HASN'T ALLOWED HIMSELF TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ANYONE AFTER HAVING HIS HEART BROKEN BY WHAT HAPPENED WITH TAKANO.
Yukina, I suppose, falls into the same rough category as Chiaki. HIS FIRST TIME FALLING IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN. Kisa is the REALLY INTERESTING one. His love is pure because he HAS NEVER BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE DESPITE HIS AGE (30). I think it's with Kisa that I first became aware that this trope has PROBLEMS and it's because in my opinion the author is trying too hard to eliminate any suggestion that Kisa has ever experienced real love before. The issue I have with it is this; what is it that sets Yukina apart from all the other men Kisa says he fell in love with for their looks alone? Kisa says himself that he doesn't know anything about Yukina and would usually just seize the opportunity to have sex with someone he finds so intensely attractive, but there's no REASON for him to act differently. I am sure it's supposed to be because Yukina is SPECIAL, but that's not quite enough for me. HOW is Yukina special? I want to know what it is about him that has Kisa acting differently when his behaviour pattern up until that point (attraction to someone younger and good-looking) has stayed exactly the same as usual.
I like Yukina/Kisa as a pairing, but I am not so sure about this suggestion that Kisa IS NOT ALLOWED to have experienced real love before because it would somehow devalue his relationship with Yukina.
I am SO GLAD that Yukina hasn't expressed concerns about Kisa's promiscuity (but conversely I don't mind that Ritsu is bothered by the idea of Takano having been with anyone else in the years between their doomed first relationship and their second meeting, because that is in character for him and reflects their history AND the direction they are moving in now). I LIKE the fact that Kisa has slept around/is experienced and that the thought of one night stands doesn't bother him, but I did note that whenever it comes up in the manga he gets that LOOK (the one that says he thinks that he SHOULD be ashamed of it). I think that the look Kisa gets at moments where his greater sexual experience is brought up can be explained away by the fact that he's come to realise that perhaps he IS after something more than just no strings sex despite telling himself that he's not a relationship kind of person, but I am wary of even a hint of negativity being attached to his other sexual experiences. I don't think they should be looked down on, in any case (and I hope it's never hinted at that readers should be doing this). I also hope that Kisa doesn't end up regretting his past promiscuity.
(I feel like now is the right time to announce that I LOVED his "essence of men" line...)
In conclusion, sex or past relationships don't mean anything AS LONG AS IT'S NOT LOVE.
(...and no matter how often Ritsu tries to deny it IT IS LOVE)
Takano can "get away" with having slept with Yokozawa because he says he never saw it as that kind of relationship and it probably only happened because he was an emotional mess due to that misunderstanding leading to Ritsu breaking up with him.
Hatori, if he has slept with others (can't imagine that he HASN'T), is okay because he never thought that he would be able to be with Chiaki as anything other than a best friend and editor. I think the Hatori-Chiaki-Yuu love triangle is going to be INTERESTING. I doubt Yuu will be able to compete with Tori but Chiaki will probably do something stupid and complicate matters SIGH.
...I guess I just wrote meta?
THE FUNNY THING?
I AM AWARE OF ALL THIS AND I STILL LOVE THIS SERIES, LOVE THESE CHARACTERS AND THEIR BAD DECISIONS AND THEIR FLAWS AND PAST HURTS, AND I SUPPORT THESE BAD FOUNDATIONS FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIPS AND WANT NOTHING MORE FOR THEM TO WORK OUT THEIR PROBLEMS AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH THE PERSON THIS SERIES HAS ALLOCATED TO BE THEIR ONE TRUE LOVE INTEREST. UM.