Even viruses can lead to self discovery
Ever since I was a young child, there's been a symptom of being ill - a feeling, I think, that is very physical indeed but I've never ever been able to describe sufficiently to others. In fact, this lack of description has added to its status as something mysterious and dreadful which has always brought on anxiety fits that an ill adult shouldn't have to deal with, let alone a child. It was associated with 'tiny wrists', I thought; a feeling of fragility, or of occupying a different physical space than I know I do.
Encountering it during my retreat to Bedfordshire* this afternoon, I tired to stave of panic attacks the way my therpaist told me to, by actually analysing the sensation, and discovering it's one of feeling literally that one has Really Big Hands.
Essentially I felt like I was this man:
This is a visual representation of the human body in which various organs are represented by the amount of brain space devoted to sensory information. What it means that me being ill means my hands and tongue feel huge, I don't know, except maybe it makes me hyper-aware of tactile sense, I don't know.
At least I have a name for the state now.I will call it my 'homunculus' state. I don't know if it'll help dealing with the state when it comes on, but it makes it a little less daunting.
*not literally, you freaks
Encountering it during my retreat to Bedfordshire* this afternoon, I tired to stave of panic attacks the way my therpaist told me to, by actually analysing the sensation, and discovering it's one of feeling literally that one has Really Big Hands.
Essentially I felt like I was this man:
This is a visual representation of the human body in which various organs are represented by the amount of brain space devoted to sensory information. What it means that me being ill means my hands and tongue feel huge, I don't know, except maybe it makes me hyper-aware of tactile sense, I don't know.
At least I have a name for the state now.I will call it my 'homunculus' state. I don't know if it'll help dealing with the state when it comes on, but it makes it a little less daunting.
*not literally, you freaks