(no subject)
i just read shawns lj post. and it hit me. i am a senior. i am going to be leaving in a year. i want to cry.
its not just being the oldest at school, being able to be a bitch to whoever the hell i want (like i havent been doing that for years), getting out earlier, taking cooler school pictures, etc. this is the end of so much more than that. this is the beginning of the end.
i am overwhelmed. i will never have another first day of high school again. i wont ever apply for a lunch pass or swim at the city championships again after this year.
i have wanted to go far away for college for as long as i could remember. i still do. but im so scared, too. ill be leaving so many people, walking away from so much goodness. but at the same time, going to berkeley instead of boston u wouldnt mean that life wouldnt change. everyone is splitting up. theres nothing i can do. no matter what i decide to do with my life, things are changing at lightning speed.
oh my god.
yeah, i will be gaining so much more than i will be losing with graduation. but i am still SO SCARED. the number of times that kaye, masha, megan, and i roll up to parties together, blasting girly pop music is finite. in one year, we will be crying and hugging each other and realizing it is the end. how many more times will shawn and i blaze and tell each other our life stories? i will really appreciate taking care of eddie when he is drunk, smoking cigarette after cigarette with dylan, walking into a party and getting hooted at by a drunk ryan. jesus. i am starting to grasp the importance of everything from this moment on.
its not just being the oldest at school, being able to be a bitch to whoever the hell i want (like i havent been doing that for years), getting out earlier, taking cooler school pictures, etc. this is the end of so much more than that. this is the beginning of the end.
i am overwhelmed. i will never have another first day of high school again. i wont ever apply for a lunch pass or swim at the city championships again after this year.
i have wanted to go far away for college for as long as i could remember. i still do. but im so scared, too. ill be leaving so many people, walking away from so much goodness. but at the same time, going to berkeley instead of boston u wouldnt mean that life wouldnt change. everyone is splitting up. theres nothing i can do. no matter what i decide to do with my life, things are changing at lightning speed.
oh my god.
yeah, i will be gaining so much more than i will be losing with graduation. but i am still SO SCARED. the number of times that kaye, masha, megan, and i roll up to parties together, blasting girly pop music is finite. in one year, we will be crying and hugging each other and realizing it is the end. how many more times will shawn and i blaze and tell each other our life stories? i will really appreciate taking care of eddie when he is drunk, smoking cigarette after cigarette with dylan, walking into a party and getting hooted at by a drunk ryan. jesus. i am starting to grasp the importance of everything from this moment on.