random mussings
I think I feel positive change coming ahead, I'm nervous though, many times in the past 10 months I've thought that things are getting better, only to come crashing down again. 2 weeks ago I just about hit bottom, I spent the better part of a week in tears, almost broke down at work multiple times. And decided in a fit of depression that I needed antidepressants. Well, I didn't do anything about the anti depressants from a dr., but I did start taking my st. johns wart again, and it seems to be helping. I have such mixed feelings about that. On one side, if it makes me happier then thats a very good thing. But on the other side, I hate being dependent on anything either a person or a little gel cap. The only thing i want to depend on is myself. I'll give it a try and see what happens though. Not that everything is perfect all of a sudden. I still feel left out, I still feel like my roommates wish i wasn't here, but that feeling seems more manageable the past few days. Now watch, after i've said all this the world will come crashing back down tomorrow.
I went out last night with people I work with, people I don't normally hang out with. somewhat surprisingly, it was fun. I'm always shocked when I have a good time with people that I don't know well. Normally it's such an awkward situation for me, but i have my moments where everything seems to work right. And for a small space of time I feel like just another feeling. Those snippets of normalcy give me hope.
I went out last night with people I work with, people I don't normally hang out with. somewhat surprisingly, it was fun. I'm always shocked when I have a good time with people that I don't know well. Normally it's such an awkward situation for me, but i have my moments where everything seems to work right. And for a small space of time I feel like just another feeling. Those snippets of normalcy give me hope.