the Bliss that is...emptiness
"And I laugh at myself, while the tears roll down, cause its the world I know..."
I can't help but laugh at my own stupid pride. But I can't help but acknowledge the depth of pain it has brought me tonight, though for a lack of directed criticism; this baby belongs to me, and has nothing to do with the events which led to its commencement. Perhaps mostly because of shock factors, I find myself so....humorously sad a condition.
I like a joke as much as the next person...so I keep telling myself. Haha. I am laughing from above. I'm such a stupid ass! :-)) Always. Such a stupid ass!
I searched for support, for vent-ilation. I found nothing there. I'm so angry now, for reasons of a peripheral nature. I found no conclusion, no outlet for my shock and emotional outpouring that remains shut-down...trapped inside a controlled exterior. I am....numb. It reminds me of the harsh reality of shutting off from the world--a choice, yes, my choice. I can't regret--my life has changed too drastically, and I had to let go of the past. My shell is broken, the exterior spread bare on cold metal tables.
Hide me! Hide the emotions, hide the connection to living. I do not want you here. I thought you could help. I realize now there is no help for this, for my stupid pride. I want to run, I want to hide. I can't hide in memories--you are all gone--far into the deep recesses of a strange,exciting past. The time for If Onlys are gone. The era of What Ifs are past. I made the choice to withdraw. I am....withdrawn. I am not a part of your society, I'm not a part of their society. A tinge of familiarity slices through like the cold breath of depression. I have forgotten. You never existed, we never existed. I don't remember. Even the photograph in my head has faded...
A blank stare.
I am taken by the emptiness.
Reality ceased to exist.
Life is but a continuous dream.
Apathy--my closest friend.
Surely, the fool who loves is overtaken by the man of war.
why FTW when you feel* nothing?
~**~ Some say the world will end in fire
Some say in ice
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire
but if it had to perish twice
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
is also great, and would suffice...Robert Frost
If there is no fire, if there is no ice
what is there?
I think I will take the weekend off...perhaps a weekend of silence will save me from myself.
*Edit: A night worth of random convulsions=not worth all the pent up rage.
I can't help but laugh at my own stupid pride. But I can't help but acknowledge the depth of pain it has brought me tonight, though for a lack of directed criticism; this baby belongs to me, and has nothing to do with the events which led to its commencement. Perhaps mostly because of shock factors, I find myself so....humorously sad a condition.
I like a joke as much as the next person...so I keep telling myself. Haha. I am laughing from above. I'm such a stupid ass! :-)) Always. Such a stupid ass!
I searched for support, for vent-ilation. I found nothing there. I'm so angry now, for reasons of a peripheral nature. I found no conclusion, no outlet for my shock and emotional outpouring that remains shut-down...trapped inside a controlled exterior. I am....numb. It reminds me of the harsh reality of shutting off from the world--a choice, yes, my choice. I can't regret--my life has changed too drastically, and I had to let go of the past. My shell is broken, the exterior spread bare on cold metal tables.
Hide me! Hide the emotions, hide the connection to living. I do not want you here. I thought you could help. I realize now there is no help for this, for my stupid pride. I want to run, I want to hide. I can't hide in memories--you are all gone--far into the deep recesses of a strange,exciting past. The time for If Onlys are gone. The era of What Ifs are past. I made the choice to withdraw. I am....withdrawn. I am not a part of your society, I'm not a part of their society. A tinge of familiarity slices through like the cold breath of depression. I have forgotten. You never existed, we never existed. I don't remember. Even the photograph in my head has faded...
A blank stare.
I am taken by the emptiness.
Reality ceased to exist.
Life is but a continuous dream.
Apathy--my closest friend.
Surely, the fool who loves is overtaken by the man of war.
why FTW when you feel* nothing?
~**~ Some say the world will end in fire
Some say in ice
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire
but if it had to perish twice
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
is also great, and would suffice...Robert Frost
If there is no fire, if there is no ice
what is there?
I think I will take the weekend off...perhaps a weekend of silence will save me from myself.
*Edit: A night worth of random convulsions=not worth all the pent up rage.