Long time no see, my tidbits for enjoying life.
I really want to document the key points of my personal experience on the off-chance that it could help someone. Given the massive inner shifts i've had from chance reading, its worth a shot.
One thing that has had me recurrently anguished is the feeling that, as close as you can get to another human being, you can never truly share an experience or communicate with perfect clarity except in shared physical experience.
I have sobbed with relief and joy at the resonance that I've had with other humans at one time or another.
We are connected when we remember that we are... that we simply are. we are animals. I take pride in saying that. I swell inside my chest to take my place as a queen of this lush and natural wonder.
We created a kingdom of delight so vast and colourful that we began to forget that we were the one who made it. we confused ourselves because that's just how incredible our brains are at adaptation. We created a new classification for ourselves and forgot that we are animal and we are kings and queens of our bodies, we eat the things we tend, we create perfect dwellings by manipulating the earth and dust itself, we are physical, we hunger for connection, we hunger for energy, we thirst to learn, we take care not to piss off the tribe and it's social justice, we make up psuedo parents in our heads and call them god and destiny. we see patterns in everything we encounter and call it magic when its not quite right. We consistently show hope as a driving force, we right wrongs with our anger and our empathy. Our emotions are built on our instincts and we are perfect animals. perfect.
NOT flawed angels or phoenixes or aliens that got stuck halfway to heaven.
We sometimes have transient feelings that pass quickly if we learn to let go.
Let go of all that pain let go of the bitterness that ties you to your rage (i'm getting there) let go of the happiness too because it is there just as abundantly as the anger and sadness, theres no need to cling to it like a starving person, trust that it will come again.
One of the main things I have noticed is true inner power over myself and my world, freedom since freeing myself from my psuedo- parents. This is my term for the archetypes in each of our psyche's that are essentially a rendering of that first impression of your parents. The Christian leaflets are right about one thing, that we are built with an innate longing for fulfillment, but how else is an animal supposed to stay motivated throughout its entire life for food and mates and friends without such a system? That's why the things that we need feel good. Personally I have a major lust for Spinach incidentally I have very low iron, coincidence? or a clever system based on natural physics and chemistry.
Ever noticed that soul deep satisfaction when you're in the early stages of love? space and dreamy and in need of nothing more than that person. Because you have a constant supply of nice chemicals telling you that this person is similar to others in the past whom you have loved and who have given you care and love in return.
Inner Judges.
God is an amalgamation of every authority father figure you ever had, your dad your mom your scout master, your grandparents your teachers and your impression of large scale society. judgement and punishment warmth and care.
Try it, think of a scenario that you think would test your vision of god then describe your god.
My god is based on my Nana, my teachers, I guess some thoughts I attached to my dad and a bit of my mom but that's pretty complex explanation based on our relationships. My god has never had much of a hold on my psyche. (Something I think is due to the early loss of my dad) it has always been more of a point of interest, curiosity and slight fear.
Since I realized what my 'God' I have lost all fear of it. My awe now comes from the feelings humans naturally get from sunny rainstorms or snowflakes or smelling rich red earth or swinging through a tree laughing at the silliness that such a thing could tickle you. Realization is a funny thing, with me it has ALWAYS been an indicator that you are over something, once you are ready to let go of something unhealthy it pops up and ..'wow I see everything with pure clarity now...' We all get it from time to time but it doesn't help telling someone who's right in the middle of a problem, though you can trace the steps back hence the parents talk.
Freud was right about some things but i think his reasoning was a little hashed, maybe he was trying to prove what he KNEW with flakey reasoning that wasn't quite all there. still a pioneer.
This does not mean that you lose your inner regulator, as many of us already know we have the Id the Ego and the Superego and the Superego regulates our 'greater good' behavior like doing your essay now and not later because you'll only procrastinate if you don't etc.
Anyway the main point of all this is KNOW THYSELF. Look at the reasons for your feelings (which are completely right even the wrong seeming ones) once you accept every part of you you may start to look at those authorities and judges in your psyche and begin to pull them down. If you KNOW yourself you can TRUST yourself to regulate your morals based on experience and you no longer need those potentially harmful pseudo parents.
No more God but me. No more judge wearing my parents' faces no more finger wagging niggling the back of your head, no more shoulda- woulda- coulda. Pure Freedom. Emancipation from the clever and creative aspects of your own psyche designed to keep you safe. (our brains are so big they tend to go haywire which changes reality even more than with other animals i suspect).
Now I can almost say highly irreverent things without fear as i know where the spiritual urge comes from.
remember that inbuilt need for another that i mentioned? well.... it comes from the pre-frontal cortex located in ther forehead covering the third eye or pineal gland (which we'll talk about later). It is the area responsible for reverent love AND religious reverence (see my point). If you are in love this area lights up like a firework display, if you are really religious (and not pretending to appease your view of judgemental society due to a strict parent or bullying for example) then you feel similar love for your fellow man and again it lights up.
Of course some things i describe is based on a brain working within 'normal' parameters and not suffering any frontal lobe damage etc.
Based on personal chemistry (which may change over time) or personal experience things may not be working completely similarly at the time for the individual but sooner or later things can level out.
The great thing about people is that over time we change, it is a fact of life whether you struggle against it or embrace it, it will happen so If things are shitty, fuck it in 10 years you may get incredibly good at dealing with it to the point where they're no longer shitty and you enjoy the strength and personal power that comes with conquering yourself and all the demons of your universe.
If things are already great then fantastic enjoy this time and savour it as it makes you even more the person that you love deeply and revel in being.
One thing that has had me recurrently anguished is the feeling that, as close as you can get to another human being, you can never truly share an experience or communicate with perfect clarity except in shared physical experience.
I have sobbed with relief and joy at the resonance that I've had with other humans at one time or another.
We are connected when we remember that we are... that we simply are. we are animals. I take pride in saying that. I swell inside my chest to take my place as a queen of this lush and natural wonder.
We created a kingdom of delight so vast and colourful that we began to forget that we were the one who made it. we confused ourselves because that's just how incredible our brains are at adaptation. We created a new classification for ourselves and forgot that we are animal and we are kings and queens of our bodies, we eat the things we tend, we create perfect dwellings by manipulating the earth and dust itself, we are physical, we hunger for connection, we hunger for energy, we thirst to learn, we take care not to piss off the tribe and it's social justice, we make up psuedo parents in our heads and call them god and destiny. we see patterns in everything we encounter and call it magic when its not quite right. We consistently show hope as a driving force, we right wrongs with our anger and our empathy. Our emotions are built on our instincts and we are perfect animals. perfect.
NOT flawed angels or phoenixes or aliens that got stuck halfway to heaven.
We sometimes have transient feelings that pass quickly if we learn to let go.
Let go of all that pain let go of the bitterness that ties you to your rage (i'm getting there) let go of the happiness too because it is there just as abundantly as the anger and sadness, theres no need to cling to it like a starving person, trust that it will come again.
One of the main things I have noticed is true inner power over myself and my world, freedom since freeing myself from my psuedo- parents. This is my term for the archetypes in each of our psyche's that are essentially a rendering of that first impression of your parents. The Christian leaflets are right about one thing, that we are built with an innate longing for fulfillment, but how else is an animal supposed to stay motivated throughout its entire life for food and mates and friends without such a system? That's why the things that we need feel good. Personally I have a major lust for Spinach incidentally I have very low iron, coincidence? or a clever system based on natural physics and chemistry.
Ever noticed that soul deep satisfaction when you're in the early stages of love? space and dreamy and in need of nothing more than that person. Because you have a constant supply of nice chemicals telling you that this person is similar to others in the past whom you have loved and who have given you care and love in return.
Inner Judges.
God is an amalgamation of every authority father figure you ever had, your dad your mom your scout master, your grandparents your teachers and your impression of large scale society. judgement and punishment warmth and care.
Try it, think of a scenario that you think would test your vision of god then describe your god.
My god is based on my Nana, my teachers, I guess some thoughts I attached to my dad and a bit of my mom but that's pretty complex explanation based on our relationships. My god has never had much of a hold on my psyche. (Something I think is due to the early loss of my dad) it has always been more of a point of interest, curiosity and slight fear.
Since I realized what my 'God' I have lost all fear of it. My awe now comes from the feelings humans naturally get from sunny rainstorms or snowflakes or smelling rich red earth or swinging through a tree laughing at the silliness that such a thing could tickle you. Realization is a funny thing, with me it has ALWAYS been an indicator that you are over something, once you are ready to let go of something unhealthy it pops up and ..'wow I see everything with pure clarity now...' We all get it from time to time but it doesn't help telling someone who's right in the middle of a problem, though you can trace the steps back hence the parents talk.
Freud was right about some things but i think his reasoning was a little hashed, maybe he was trying to prove what he KNEW with flakey reasoning that wasn't quite all there. still a pioneer.
This does not mean that you lose your inner regulator, as many of us already know we have the Id the Ego and the Superego and the Superego regulates our 'greater good' behavior like doing your essay now and not later because you'll only procrastinate if you don't etc.
Anyway the main point of all this is KNOW THYSELF. Look at the reasons for your feelings (which are completely right even the wrong seeming ones) once you accept every part of you you may start to look at those authorities and judges in your psyche and begin to pull them down. If you KNOW yourself you can TRUST yourself to regulate your morals based on experience and you no longer need those potentially harmful pseudo parents.
No more God but me. No more judge wearing my parents' faces no more finger wagging niggling the back of your head, no more shoulda- woulda- coulda. Pure Freedom. Emancipation from the clever and creative aspects of your own psyche designed to keep you safe. (our brains are so big they tend to go haywire which changes reality even more than with other animals i suspect).
Now I can almost say highly irreverent things without fear as i know where the spiritual urge comes from.
remember that inbuilt need for another that i mentioned? well.... it comes from the pre-frontal cortex located in ther forehead covering the third eye or pineal gland (which we'll talk about later). It is the area responsible for reverent love AND religious reverence (see my point). If you are in love this area lights up like a firework display, if you are really religious (and not pretending to appease your view of judgemental society due to a strict parent or bullying for example) then you feel similar love for your fellow man and again it lights up.
Of course some things i describe is based on a brain working within 'normal' parameters and not suffering any frontal lobe damage etc.
Based on personal chemistry (which may change over time) or personal experience things may not be working completely similarly at the time for the individual but sooner or later things can level out.
The great thing about people is that over time we change, it is a fact of life whether you struggle against it or embrace it, it will happen so If things are shitty, fuck it in 10 years you may get incredibly good at dealing with it to the point where they're no longer shitty and you enjoy the strength and personal power that comes with conquering yourself and all the demons of your universe.
If things are already great then fantastic enjoy this time and savour it as it makes you even more the person that you love deeply and revel in being.