This ain't easy, Cupcake!
My head isn't on straight, according to Dr. Herman. Oh, funny funny. Seriously, I have arthritis in my neck. My neck is misshapen, y'all. There's like a dent in it going the opposite direction from the normal curve of the neck. The x-rays are gross. If I don't have this corrected now, it's going to cause me major problems as I age. I think I need to trade my cigarettes for chiropractic care.
I just officially gave up my one-bedroom apartment to move into the two bedroom with my new roommate. This was a nervewracking experience because if I were only going by the surface appearances of things, I never would have jumped from the one-bedroom to this. The landlord of the new place is just plain bizarre (although, so is the other one, but in a different way) and changes his mind within hours. I have nothing signed yet. He's being a pain in the ass about sending me something to sign and just tells me to trust him that it will still be available next week. I'm ready and willing to wire him money today if he can just fax me the lease, which he won't do. This makes no sense whatsoever. There are like ten other reasons why this makes no sense. I have to trust that I'll have a place to move into next week with nothing signed whatsoever. Can I just say how uncomfortable I am with this arrangement?
So, why the hell did I do it? Because despite EVERYTHING, this is what my gut is telling me to do. Last night I was in tears because I don't get it at all and it is so hard to trust when everything looks so damn screwy. I don't know why something that looks all sorts of wrong should be the right thing to do, but I've second-guessed surface appearances before and made the "safer" choice that went against my gut and ended up in H.E.L.L.. I don't want to do that again. It passed the coin flip test three times in a row in ADDITION to just feeling right. (Heads is yes, take the new place; tails is no. As Rosencrantz and Guildenstern and anyone who has ever studied probability know all too well, if you keep getting heads, something is seriously out-of-whack). I did the coin test just to make sure my gut was working correctly becuase it wasn't making sense to me. I've done the coin test for years whenever my gut has either been not making rational sense or when I'm too cluttered to hear it. It 1) always coincides with my gut, and 2) has never led me to a bad decision. Y'all must think I'm nuts.
I fully realize that this doesn't mean that my apartment situation isn't going to fall apart. It very well may. I just take comfort in the fact that if it does, it was supposed to for some crazy ass reason that I don't yet understand...AT ALL. I think time show me the method behind all this madness--it usually does--but for now, I just need to let go of all of this "I wanna vomit" feeling I have right now and let the chips fall where they may.
Damn trickster god, I'm telling you. So funny, HAHAHAHA! *glares*
I just officially gave up my one-bedroom apartment to move into the two bedroom with my new roommate. This was a nervewracking experience because if I were only going by the surface appearances of things, I never would have jumped from the one-bedroom to this. The landlord of the new place is just plain bizarre (although, so is the other one, but in a different way) and changes his mind within hours. I have nothing signed yet. He's being a pain in the ass about sending me something to sign and just tells me to trust him that it will still be available next week. I'm ready and willing to wire him money today if he can just fax me the lease, which he won't do. This makes no sense whatsoever. There are like ten other reasons why this makes no sense. I have to trust that I'll have a place to move into next week with nothing signed whatsoever. Can I just say how uncomfortable I am with this arrangement?
So, why the hell did I do it? Because despite EVERYTHING, this is what my gut is telling me to do. Last night I was in tears because I don't get it at all and it is so hard to trust when everything looks so damn screwy. I don't know why something that looks all sorts of wrong should be the right thing to do, but I've second-guessed surface appearances before and made the "safer" choice that went against my gut and ended up in H.E.L.L.. I don't want to do that again. It passed the coin flip test three times in a row in ADDITION to just feeling right. (Heads is yes, take the new place; tails is no. As Rosencrantz and Guildenstern and anyone who has ever studied probability know all too well, if you keep getting heads, something is seriously out-of-whack). I did the coin test just to make sure my gut was working correctly becuase it wasn't making sense to me. I've done the coin test for years whenever my gut has either been not making rational sense or when I'm too cluttered to hear it. It 1) always coincides with my gut, and 2) has never led me to a bad decision. Y'all must think I'm nuts.
I fully realize that this doesn't mean that my apartment situation isn't going to fall apart. It very well may. I just take comfort in the fact that if it does, it was supposed to for some crazy ass reason that I don't yet understand...AT ALL. I think time show me the method behind all this madness--it usually does--but for now, I just need to let go of all of this "I wanna vomit" feeling I have right now and let the chips fall where they may.
Damn trickster god, I'm telling you. So funny, HAHAHAHA! *glares*