Happy 25th month to us!
So...it's 1:35 a.m and I'm up by myself. We went and saw Pirates of the Carribean today and that was about it. He had actually planned to meet with his 2 other future roomates today but it fell through. How sweet to plan something on our anniversary~ too bad it was for the wrong people!! Yeah yeah yeah I know it's 25th month...and its no year anniversary...but still...the way I think about it...25 is an important number in relationships and should be celebrated year or not. I mean everyday is special to be together...but once a month that date rolls around...why not celebrate? What does it hurt?
Anyway we had planned to stay up tonight and try and catch the commercial I'm in. Which I have been asking and saying I wanted to for like 3 days now. He knows I hate being up by myself. He also knows I've been really wanting to see it. I know he's tired but he's tired every night..what the fuck else is new? I know he works and stuff and I stay home all day and do virtually nothing...but today was his day off..we both got the same amount of sleep and everything and took part in the same exact activities. I don't get it. I had mentioned also for the 10th time in like 2 weeks that I wanted to put our photo albums together..together..for when we're apart...but he doesn't seem to care about doing that. Also perhaps finising our "About us" book but whatever right? So what if this may be our last anniversary together for a while. It's ok...right? I was visibally upset when I got up out of bed and said I'd stay up expecting or rather hoping he would try and ask what was wrong or say something more then "wanna watch a movie?" (no) oh ok night..*rolls over*...gee whiz any more enthusiasm and I think I might've cracked a smile. I hate how he always mentions stuff hoping or knowing I'll decline when I'm upset and he just leaves it. Take some initiative and just do it! He mentioned taking a bath after I had mentioned I was sore...but I said something bout the bath tub being dirty. Just come home and clean it and run the bath...that'll make me want to take a bath more then the mere empty suggestion.
So here I am...almost 2 a.m up again crying by myself...not such the unusual thing for me. I guess it's preparing me for when I move...I'm sure I'll be crying a lot by myself then also. I'm almost a pro at hiding it, I should make it a sport.
It just sucks..anniversaries don't mean much to him I guess since he's been through it all before. I haven't...but I guess for him celebrating month to month looses it's novelty after the first year...or even 4 months...that incident is the past now but whatever...so yeah...it's almost 2 a.m...I have 10 ppl online right now...7 have away messages...ones on a cell phone...another is idle...and then alex...but she keeps coming on and off..and I guess she hasn't noticed I'm kinda down by my typing. But as we agreed upon emotions are misconstrued on here...and she's not a mind reader...maybe she just thinks I'm tired. So...at 2 a.m...alone...depressed...I don't want to burden him...so my shoulder to cry on is my pathetic song list of slow love songs that will only depress me more. One week exactly till I move...from today...blessing in disguise or impending doom...we shall see...this is paddywhack signing off.
Anyway we had planned to stay up tonight and try and catch the commercial I'm in. Which I have been asking and saying I wanted to for like 3 days now. He knows I hate being up by myself. He also knows I've been really wanting to see it. I know he's tired but he's tired every night..what the fuck else is new? I know he works and stuff and I stay home all day and do virtually nothing...but today was his day off..we both got the same amount of sleep and everything and took part in the same exact activities. I don't get it. I had mentioned also for the 10th time in like 2 weeks that I wanted to put our photo albums together..together..for when we're apart...but he doesn't seem to care about doing that. Also perhaps finising our "About us" book but whatever right? So what if this may be our last anniversary together for a while. It's ok...right? I was visibally upset when I got up out of bed and said I'd stay up expecting or rather hoping he would try and ask what was wrong or say something more then "wanna watch a movie?" (no) oh ok night..*rolls over*...gee whiz any more enthusiasm and I think I might've cracked a smile. I hate how he always mentions stuff hoping or knowing I'll decline when I'm upset and he just leaves it. Take some initiative and just do it! He mentioned taking a bath after I had mentioned I was sore...but I said something bout the bath tub being dirty. Just come home and clean it and run the bath...that'll make me want to take a bath more then the mere empty suggestion.
So here I am...almost 2 a.m up again crying by myself...not such the unusual thing for me. I guess it's preparing me for when I move...I'm sure I'll be crying a lot by myself then also. I'm almost a pro at hiding it, I should make it a sport.
It just sucks..anniversaries don't mean much to him I guess since he's been through it all before. I haven't...but I guess for him celebrating month to month looses it's novelty after the first year...or even 4 months...that incident is the past now but whatever...so yeah...it's almost 2 a.m...I have 10 ppl online right now...7 have away messages...ones on a cell phone...another is idle...and then alex...but she keeps coming on and off..and I guess she hasn't noticed I'm kinda down by my typing. But as we agreed upon emotions are misconstrued on here...and she's not a mind reader...maybe she just thinks I'm tired. So...at 2 a.m...alone...depressed...I don't want to burden him...so my shoulder to cry on is my pathetic song list of slow love songs that will only depress me more. One week exactly till I move...from today...blessing in disguise or impending doom...we shall see...this is paddywhack signing off.