Title: Into Temptation

[inmyth]

Title: In to Temptation
Author: ebony_tears
Pairing: Original male/male slash
Genre: Drama, Angst
Summary: Kevin O’Shea and Connor Ferrera shared a mutual hatred, that is until their parents decided to marry each other. Now forced to live as step-brothers under the same roof, their hatred is starting to reach new heights but after a few secrets unwillingly

Comments

[inmyth]

Heh, thanks for the enthusiasm babe!

[serene_cj]

OMFG, I think I might be in love with you. Lol. Seriously, this is off to a great start. I love it so far. And as for you being British writing about American boys...I don't think I'd have known if you hadn't said anything. Lol. I really need more of this so POST MORE. I'm not sure how long I can wait. *winks* j/k I forgot how much I loved your writing...
Anyway, as for concrit...I think it's really well written. I would suggest being more specific in certain places and leaving a few things out in others. I'd quote the parts but...they're not really problems as much as just some things I'd noticed. I can be a perfectionist when I want to...sorry.

Anyway, I loved it. I already like both the boys...obviously Connor more than Kevin, right now at least. But Kevin's drunken "Contagious" remark had me laughing my ass off. ;)

I hope to see more of this soon. It's a really nice start and it sounds interesting. WRITE MORE!!! ♥♥♥

[inmyth]

Oh I'm glad you enjoyed it, I was quite skeptic about posting this and all. Also thanks for the constructive criticism too and I will definitely keep that in mind. I do agree with you as I tend to sometime be really descriptive while at other times I hardly point anything out *shakes head*. As far as an update is concerned....welll...*shifty eyes*...>_>.

[inmyth]

OMG! Just today my English teacher told me that my written expression has gone down in my last essay and tense is my weakest point in writing. I'm glad you mentioned it so now I can be extra careful in the next chapter. I think I need to get in to the flow of the story in order to estimate where to be overly descriptive and when not, again an important point you raised so thank you so much. I'm glad you've enjoyed the first part so far and hope you'll continue to do so when I update next. Once again thanks for your helpful tips!

[mishi_chan10101]

Maybe I wasn't paying close enough attention but I couldn't see any errors! That's amazing. I'd reread it more critically but I'm too lazy and I should be eating dinner soon. Maybe I'll come back another time and read it agian.

Thank-you for writing an entertaining story.

[inmyth]

Aww thanks but believe me, it does! Hopefully the next chapter would be better :). Thanks for commenting!

[qotfu]

Wow, this is fab! I agree with the comment about sometimes needing a little more description. One example is when Connor arrives home to find the parents stressing and Kevin drunk, I felt the jump to offering to take Kevin upstairs a little sudden. I would have liked more of an idea of Connor's thoughts arriving home to that scene. Although I should stress this is a very minor complaint, overall I loved this story and find your writing very fluid and immensely readable. I cant wait for more.

[inmyth]

Heh, I was waiting for someone to point it out. You're right though, that was a bit abrupt but I put it down to him wanting to escape the parents....at least that's what I initially thought :/. Will work on that :). I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for commenting!