yikes
so it has occured to me that i'll be going to the dominican republic in...umm...12 days. yikes. i just got an e-mail today saying that my funds are finally taken care of. all i have to do is get my shots and pack my things.
ya know, a lot of people have asked me, "why are you going?".
and the truth?
i have no friggin' idea.
when steve mentioned it at college group something told me that i had to go on this trip.
since then there have been a lot of crappy things that have happened. bad choices i have made and just bad luck with a lot of things. God was testing me. and so was satan. and satan was winning in a big way. and even though i'm good at putting up a front-God and i have not been on speaking terms. i figured-i don't want to go on this trip. there's no reason for me to. why am i going to tell people about a God i don't even talk to anymore? or even like at this point?
i've tried multiple times to get out of this trip. BUT-He would have none of that.
1. i tried blaming it on the money: He provided the funds-because He put it in other people's hearts that they should help me. so they must believe in me too.
2. i tried to miss meetings: but the team still accepts me as part of it and still encourages me.
there are countless other reasons i shouldn't go.
selfish reasons.
BUT-something is going to happen on this trip. i'm scared to death. i'll be out of my comfort zone and i'm afraid of changing. my heart,though bitter, immature, and selfish-has to change. and i don't want it too. and even though i think it's all in my control. it clearly isn't.
so if you aske me why i'm going. i'm going to tell you, "i have no idea" because, well i don't. but the reason will come out soon enough.
goodnight all, and wish me luck
ya know, a lot of people have asked me, "why are you going?".
and the truth?
i have no friggin' idea.
when steve mentioned it at college group something told me that i had to go on this trip.
since then there have been a lot of crappy things that have happened. bad choices i have made and just bad luck with a lot of things. God was testing me. and so was satan. and satan was winning in a big way. and even though i'm good at putting up a front-God and i have not been on speaking terms. i figured-i don't want to go on this trip. there's no reason for me to. why am i going to tell people about a God i don't even talk to anymore? or even like at this point?
i've tried multiple times to get out of this trip. BUT-He would have none of that.
1. i tried blaming it on the money: He provided the funds-because He put it in other people's hearts that they should help me. so they must believe in me too.
2. i tried to miss meetings: but the team still accepts me as part of it and still encourages me.
there are countless other reasons i shouldn't go.
selfish reasons.
BUT-something is going to happen on this trip. i'm scared to death. i'll be out of my comfort zone and i'm afraid of changing. my heart,though bitter, immature, and selfish-has to change. and i don't want it too. and even though i think it's all in my control. it clearly isn't.
so if you aske me why i'm going. i'm going to tell you, "i have no idea" because, well i don't. but the reason will come out soon enough.
goodnight all, and wish me luck