[ 005 | video ]

[inmy_balls]

Hey guys, I was just wonderin' what we were doin' for Christmas around this place.  Somethin' tells me Adstring isn't on Santa's list to visit, yeah?

Maybe-- we should all do that Secret Santa thing!  And Jewish Santa can be part of Secret Santa so everyone can play!  And we all get each other really nice things and be friends!  You can never have

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[showchoirstar]

... Jewish Santa?

[inmy_balls]

Yeah! So the Jews can stop being all "I'm stingy and celebrate Kwanazaa".

[...Did he just offend you? Good. :|]

[Private // Unhackable]

[showchoirstar]

The Jewish people actually don't believe in Santa, because we're a bit too adult to believe in such childish stories.

But thank you, for the pointer. I'll be certain to tuck it away for future reference when I light my menorah.

[Private // Unhackable]

[inmy_balls]

The Jews actually don't believe in Santa because they're too busy fuckin' each other for money.

When you light it I'm blowin' it out. I'm gonna take Jewish Santa outta this, too, so you get no holiday cheer!

[Private // Unhackable]

[showchoirstar]

If you touch my menorah, I will sic an archangel on you, and something tells me you would rather not have your hair used for tinsel on the nearest Christmas tree.

[She is completely and utterly serious.]

[Private // Unhackable]

[inmy_balls]

Pft, go ahead, I'm immortal! I'm totally gonna piss on your men-whora!

[Bring it, Rachel.]

Private // Unhackable]

[showchoirstar]

Me-no-rah.

[SHE IS NOT EVEN BOTHERED BY YOUR BAH HUMBUG.]

Are you always this miserable and offensive or do you just not have anywhere to go on the holidays?

Because I'm throwing a holiday party, which you're more than welcome to attend, but not if you're going to be a miserable Scrooge about it.

[Private // Unhackable]

[inmy_balls]

Me? Miserable? You're the one comin' to my video tellin' me that my role model isn't real because all you-- you people have sticks up your asses and don't believe and that's why you don't get any presents from Santa you slag! You don't believe! I bet you eat all the cookies in your house on Christmas Eve like a total fatass just to spite him! That's just sick and wrong, and I don't care what kind of candles you're puttin' on you're ugly little stand, I'm gonna piss on them all and you can't do anythin' to stop me because you're not an angel! You're just a whiny little Jewish girl with no Christmas spirit and if I had a soul I'd feel bad for you! You aren't going on my Secret Santa list, no-name! No gifts, no joy, I'm not even gonna let you see the snow outside! Nothing!

[........]

Yeah I'll come to your party, what time is it?

[Private // Unhackable]

[showchoirstar]

[THIS FACE.]

December twenty-fourth, at seven PM, at the theatre.

And while I may not have any super powers or immortality, I assure you, I could drive you up a wall should I want to.

I can sing It's A Small World in eight different keys.

Touch my menorah and I will show you what true insanity feels like.

[Private // Unhackable]

[inmy_balls]

[ALL THE LOVE.]

I've never been to the theater, maybe you should escort me.

Oh? Is that a challenge? Because I think you and I will get along real well if that's the case.

I can sing Bono in the worst keys ever.

When I touch your man-whora, I just want you to know that's the first step to your insanity.

[Private // Unhackable]

[showchoirstar]

I have a boyfriend. I'm afraid I'm already being escorted. My menorah is exclusively reserved.

[Somewhat flippantly.]

And singing poorly is hardly something to be proud of. It's rather common.

[Private // Unhackable]

[inmy_balls]

Hey, what your boyfriend doesn't know won't hurt him. I mean, that's why you put this on private, right? To come onto me?

[Wait, wait, he has this.]

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I'm daddy cooool!~

[Private // Unhackable]

[showchoirstar]

I put this on private so the younger children didn't have to see me inform you that Santa isn't --

[... oh, you are not. She eyes him for a moment before she opens her mouth, and in a beautiful soprano, sings the next piece.]

You wouldn't~ have the slightest~ chance, but don't despair! I'm very certain, almost certain, nearly certain you'll find someone to bring back to your lair.

[And then, spoken.]

Hopefully not drugged.

[Private // Unhackable]

[inmy_balls]

Sure ya did.

[See, he's going to totally fuck that up now.]

'Cause baby you're a firewoooooooork! Come on, show 'em what you're worth!~

Make 'em go "AH AH AH"

As you shoot across the sky-y-yyyyy~

[Clearing his throat.]

Do you want to be normal and celebrate Christmas now?

[Private // Unhackable]

[showchoirstar]

[Rachel narrows her eyes abruptly before she instantly picks up where Nathan left off. Because Rachel can do that.]

Baby, you're a firework! Come on, let your colors burst! Make 'em go 'oh oh oh', you're gonna leave 'em going 'oh oh oh'!

[And she crosses her arms, stubborn.]

I am perfectly normal and will continue celebrating Hanukkah.

It begins in four days, by the way.

[Private // Unhackable]

[inmy_balls]

[Nathan gives her the same look of determination. Because he can't sing.]

You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, AWE!

[He does the same. To mock her.]

Jews aren't normal.

Oh? I'll be sure to send you a stuffed Santa to go with my jar of piss.