you'll listen to lies but wont hear the truth
HERE I AM... I know its been a long time... since I last posted Life has thrown alot my way to deal with.I honestly dont know where to begin... Through it all I can honestly say people have proved to me how heartless and self centered people can truely be. I wish people would see how deeply words really do hurt... The wounds they cause are deep and lasting... Its a wonder to me how the ones to hurt you are the ones you love the most. like a dumbass you forgive... I cant say you forget because the memory is as fresh as the moment in which the words were said. they replay over and over in your mind making the pain so much more real. I dont believe you really forget you just chose not to remember.
With everyday that passes we get closer to graduation... Makes me happy in some ways and sad in others. Ive made bitter sweet memories in that school. The person I thought would be the hardest to let go of spends his days giving me reasons why it should be easy to let him go. Yet here I am still dreading that moment... just stupid I guess.
I know he realizes how hurtful he truely can be. "I hate you" and "Your death is desired" is so cruel to tell someone you know would give the world for you. Then he wonders why im mad how could I not be? your words are like poison to my soul with every cruel word you draw me closer to my death. Morbid? maybe but just how he makes me feel sometimes. I thought we had come so far this year but now I feel he threw us back... I am mad, mad that he's not honest with me yet expects honesty. He can't just act like everythings ok, its not. How do you talk to someone who wont listen?
Part of me dreads that he comes across my journal. Thinking about it maybe it wouldn't be that bad maybe he'd understand me. I guess Im just scared he wont understand. Oh well, whatever happends will and whatever the outcome I will get through it as I always do. today I heard stuff that someone said about me... of course it's not true. The person who said it doesnt know me. So now I have to talk to the source of the problem and make sure he hears it from me and not some one else. Hes leaving soon and I want it to be on good terms.
Things are changing and they continue to on a daily basis. Sometimes it's hard to accept it no matter how necessary it is. I know that graduation is just the beginning of my future its just that things are so uncertain right now. The only certain thing is that I dont know whats going to happen. I'll write later... one last thing before I go, laine Im proud of you. You had the guts to do what you needed to do for your self and dont let anyone make you feel like you're wrong for that. You're not. You're being true to your self and that's always right no matter the circumstance. no matter what im always here. love ya.
vette
yeah i know i grew some balls.
With everyday that passes we get closer to graduation... Makes me happy in some ways and sad in others. Ive made bitter sweet memories in that school. The person I thought would be the hardest to let go of spends his days giving me reasons why it should be easy to let him go. Yet here I am still dreading that moment... just stupid I guess.
I know he realizes how hurtful he truely can be. "I hate you" and "Your death is desired" is so cruel to tell someone you know would give the world for you. Then he wonders why im mad how could I not be? your words are like poison to my soul with every cruel word you draw me closer to my death. Morbid? maybe but just how he makes me feel sometimes. I thought we had come so far this year but now I feel he threw us back... I am mad, mad that he's not honest with me yet expects honesty. He can't just act like everythings ok, its not. How do you talk to someone who wont listen?
Part of me dreads that he comes across my journal. Thinking about it maybe it wouldn't be that bad maybe he'd understand me. I guess Im just scared he wont understand. Oh well, whatever happends will and whatever the outcome I will get through it as I always do. today I heard stuff that someone said about me... of course it's not true. The person who said it doesnt know me. So now I have to talk to the source of the problem and make sure he hears it from me and not some one else. Hes leaving soon and I want it to be on good terms.
Things are changing and they continue to on a daily basis. Sometimes it's hard to accept it no matter how necessary it is. I know that graduation is just the beginning of my future its just that things are so uncertain right now. The only certain thing is that I dont know whats going to happen. I'll write later... one last thing before I go, laine Im proud of you. You had the guts to do what you needed to do for your self and dont let anyone make you feel like you're wrong for that. You're not. You're being true to your self and that's always right no matter the circumstance. no matter what im always here. love ya.
vette
yeah i know i grew some balls.