and this is about the way you're falling backwards
what is it with you?
I've got plenty going on in my head right now. i don't need your voice echoing in my ears every time i shut my eyes.
I don't know why the hell i'm listening to this.
or why suddenly, after all this time, stupid images keep popping up before i can even realize what it is.
staggering home (five houses)
or running at five in the morning and sitting at the pond.
or your basement
or throwing clothes off the balcony
or laughing and can't stop
or crying and can't stop
or sitting outside the garage, really close to the door so no one could see us smoking cigs out the windows.
or the park
or the back of my car
or my first apartment
puking our guts out in both bathrooms while the walls melt and swirl around us, and then driving an hour home. (flowers are for decoration not for eating)
or my first house
or the horrible fights and walking alone in the square
or the wonderful nights and walking alone in the square
or the ghost chases
or the freckles
or all the storms
or the reception
and the fifth grade crush
so tell me why, suddenly, i can't shut my eyes anymore. and why its so fucking vivid behind my eyelids.
like it happened yesterday. i don't get it.
i won't lie to myself, i know its been there all along. every day. every single day.
but until a week ago its been dull and pushed back but now it's not.
am i crazy? i mean, my life is a mess right now. if i'd had this type of stuff going on two years ago i'd have had a meltdown. but this time i HAVE to work through it, and i am. i don't buckle and cry, i just fucking deal with it. nevertheless i dont have time for you. i dont have time for you to haunt me.
please stop.
I think i'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've got plenty going on in my head right now. i don't need your voice echoing in my ears every time i shut my eyes.
I don't know why the hell i'm listening to this.
or why suddenly, after all this time, stupid images keep popping up before i can even realize what it is.
staggering home (five houses)
or running at five in the morning and sitting at the pond.
or your basement
or throwing clothes off the balcony
or laughing and can't stop
or crying and can't stop
or sitting outside the garage, really close to the door so no one could see us smoking cigs out the windows.
or the park
or the back of my car
or my first apartment
puking our guts out in both bathrooms while the walls melt and swirl around us, and then driving an hour home. (flowers are for decoration not for eating)
or my first house
or the horrible fights and walking alone in the square
or the wonderful nights and walking alone in the square
or the ghost chases
or the freckles
or all the storms
or the reception
and the fifth grade crush
so tell me why, suddenly, i can't shut my eyes anymore. and why its so fucking vivid behind my eyelids.
like it happened yesterday. i don't get it.
i won't lie to myself, i know its been there all along. every day. every single day.
but until a week ago its been dull and pushed back but now it's not.
am i crazy? i mean, my life is a mess right now. if i'd had this type of stuff going on two years ago i'd have had a meltdown. but this time i HAVE to work through it, and i am. i don't buckle and cry, i just fucking deal with it. nevertheless i dont have time for you. i dont have time for you to haunt me.
please stop.
I think i'm having a quarter-life crisis.