(no subject)
I'm really sick and tired of things right now. My family is irritating as hell, and inconsiderate. They all got take out today, but my mother didn't bring me home anything, and yet they still managed to get rid of all of the left overs from last night so that I have NOTHING to eat unless I cook it myself. They don't see how inconsiderate that is, and they don't care either.
My friends... oh wait, "friends" are shitty as hell. Justin likes me and says I "confuse" him, and I've done nothing to seem confusing, and Mysty can't stand the fact that he likes me... and it doesn't matter, because I have a BOYFRIEND, and his name is not Justin. It never will be. But Mysty can't even stand that he calls me and talks to me as a friend, so she tells him lies about me. That's just great. She makes me out to be the bad girl and I'm so sick of it. She calls me up and casually mentions Justin getting blow jobs from Danette thinking that I will care, but I don't. It's his dick. I don't care what he does with it. It's in no way mine and I don't want it to be. And yet my boyfriend lives god knows how far away and there's nothing I can do about it. His parents don't even like the idea that he's in love with me. That's just great. How do you think that makes ME feel? No matter what it is, no matter who I like, or love, or whatever, no one wants to let it happen. I'm off limits for some apparent reason, to EVERYONE and I can't live my life the way I want to live it. I'm sorry that I don't call his parents up shouting about my love for their son. I'm just not like that. My business is my business, and I'm private about it, and I'm going to keep it that way. I don't care what they think. I don't care that they want me to tell my parents... they don't KNOW my parents. My parents give me enough hell as it is. I don't even want my parents at my wedding. You wanna know why? Because it's not important to them. They would only go because they felt obligated to go and not look like assholes. Just like my graduation. They were bored out of their minds there and I know they were, but they went just because they have to as my parents. I'm their last kid and what used to be exciting and happy for them isn't when it's me because I'm the last one they have to get rid of. The only reason they wanted me to graduate so badly and not drop out and go to pride is because they want me to go on to college so THEY WON'T HAVE TO BOTHER WITH ME. So they won't have to spend their money on me and support me like they're doing with my sister. And that hurts me a lot. They don't want what's best for me. No one does. They want what's best FOR THEM, and more comvenient for them. Everyone I know does. And that's bullshit.
And they wonder why I do drugs and go off and get stoned out of my mind, and that's why. Because if I can't escape from the things in my life that make me sad as hell and that hurt me and that bother me, then I'm going to escape somehow. And it's going to be my way, because I know that no matter what way I choose, it won't be good enough. For anybody.
My parents would rather spend money on a fucking dog than spend money on me, and that's the truth, and it's pathetic.
My friends... oh wait, "friends" are shitty as hell. Justin likes me and says I "confuse" him, and I've done nothing to seem confusing, and Mysty can't stand the fact that he likes me... and it doesn't matter, because I have a BOYFRIEND, and his name is not Justin. It never will be. But Mysty can't even stand that he calls me and talks to me as a friend, so she tells him lies about me. That's just great. She makes me out to be the bad girl and I'm so sick of it. She calls me up and casually mentions Justin getting blow jobs from Danette thinking that I will care, but I don't. It's his dick. I don't care what he does with it. It's in no way mine and I don't want it to be. And yet my boyfriend lives god knows how far away and there's nothing I can do about it. His parents don't even like the idea that he's in love with me. That's just great. How do you think that makes ME feel? No matter what it is, no matter who I like, or love, or whatever, no one wants to let it happen. I'm off limits for some apparent reason, to EVERYONE and I can't live my life the way I want to live it. I'm sorry that I don't call his parents up shouting about my love for their son. I'm just not like that. My business is my business, and I'm private about it, and I'm going to keep it that way. I don't care what they think. I don't care that they want me to tell my parents... they don't KNOW my parents. My parents give me enough hell as it is. I don't even want my parents at my wedding. You wanna know why? Because it's not important to them. They would only go because they felt obligated to go and not look like assholes. Just like my graduation. They were bored out of their minds there and I know they were, but they went just because they have to as my parents. I'm their last kid and what used to be exciting and happy for them isn't when it's me because I'm the last one they have to get rid of. The only reason they wanted me to graduate so badly and not drop out and go to pride is because they want me to go on to college so THEY WON'T HAVE TO BOTHER WITH ME. So they won't have to spend their money on me and support me like they're doing with my sister. And that hurts me a lot. They don't want what's best for me. No one does. They want what's best FOR THEM, and more comvenient for them. Everyone I know does. And that's bullshit.
And they wonder why I do drugs and go off and get stoned out of my mind, and that's why. Because if I can't escape from the things in my life that make me sad as hell and that hurt me and that bother me, then I'm going to escape somehow. And it's going to be my way, because I know that no matter what way I choose, it won't be good enough. For anybody.
My parents would rather spend money on a fucking dog than spend money on me, and that's the truth, and it's pathetic.