(no subject)
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What Holly said made me think about it. This whole release of anger through what, cutting up someone's picture? Maybe that's not it. At first I thought, "sure, that is what it is" because I thought that maybe there was a kind of release of emotions and frustration that way, but what about the physical frutration, the kind that makes you want to put a punching bag to good use? So then I thought that maybe I'm not releasing anything at all. Maybe it's just distraction. Maybe it's making something better out of something that didn't seem so great before. Maybe it's benefitting from the pains of the past and... in a way, the present, too. Who knows, who knows.
I just spent about two hours or so, I'm guessing--but I lost track of time--reading. So, if I try to reason anything out, it will branch out and I'll go into circles or winding paths about all of these things that I'm trying to "reason." The reason... er, "reason" for this is that I've been reading about "reason" and the ghosts of reason and classical and romantic thought and philosophy and after awhile it all goes into a big pile of just things that have been read. I don't know if I learned from them, or if the knowledge was there in the first place and just brought back to the surface, or brought to my attention. I have no idea. Or well, I do have an idea. It's just that I have many of them, and when I write them down they probably will appear as rambling to everyone else, like right now, but they make sense to me. No more than before I wrote them down, but just the same as before.
And, the irony of this situation and of this big pile of supposed random weird thoughts is that Kevin, the subject of my picture and of the beginning of all this nonsense--he's the one who recommended this book in the first place!
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And that is the end of that and the beginning of a whole slew of new things. My mind has been on just about everything in the most unorganized way possible, so that's how I'm going to be for the moment. Unorganized and EVERYWHERE. Right now.
Yesterday was spent at Steven's house. I really think it's a great thing when we're welcome there and our differences are all put away. What color we all are doesn't matter, and his dad loves us just the same. I think it's sweet. With all of the recent events going on, I've been trying to understand prejudice and racism... but I like to call it prejudice, because it can apply to more than just skin color, and the word racist makes me think of skin color. Prejudice, on the other hand, makes me think of all sorts of things. But back to what I was trying to get to, I don't understand prejudice. Everyone is always arguing and trying to be right about it, but as long as we are using that as a way of trying to "solve" things, nothing will ever be solved. Why? Because we are trying to justify what we believe in, and why we think we are right, by addressing our opinions. At first this seems reasonable, but really it's not. Not when it comes to the idea of being prejudice.
Sometimes people say that if we were all blind, everything would be so much better. I don't think so. The abstract idea of being colorblind in the sense that they're talking about (not the literal sense) is not a reasonable answer to me because if colorblind we wouldn't be able to see the beauty in all that we've overcome. I could go on further to clarify that, but I don't feel like it right now. I don't want to get any deeper into it than I've already gotten (at the moment).
To justify my own actions, which is what I was arguing against earlier and also doing at the same time (which could possibly mean I'm a hypocrite, but can you really compare what I'm about to say to racism? I think that every situation has different rules. I mean, really), I decided that "morning" is just an idea. Who says that I have to wake up in the morning? My parents argue, "You shouldn't be waking up so late in the afternoon" and I don't understand why, because I have no reason to wake up in the morning. And I was going to go into this, too, but now I've decided against it. Maybe another time, too, maybe another time.
Can I really use the same reasoning for prejudice as I can for me just wanting to be a lazy teenager and sleep all day? I think I can, I think I can.
!
Now that I'm done being wordy... well, I'm not done being wordy YET, but now that I'm considering the idea of being done with being wordy I'd like to note that if I read the same book for a long period of time, my thoughts take on the structure of the author of the book for a short while. But don't worry, it should end soon enough.
Maynard and Omar! Emo Kitty are so cute.
It's 5:55. Do you know where YOUR kittens are at?
What Holly said made me think about it. This whole release of anger through what, cutting up someone's picture? Maybe that's not it. At first I thought, "sure, that is what it is" because I thought that maybe there was a kind of release of emotions and frustration that way, but what about the physical frutration, the kind that makes you want to put a punching bag to good use? So then I thought that maybe I'm not releasing anything at all. Maybe it's just distraction. Maybe it's making something better out of something that didn't seem so great before. Maybe it's benefitting from the pains of the past and... in a way, the present, too. Who knows, who knows.
I just spent about two hours or so, I'm guessing--but I lost track of time--reading. So, if I try to reason anything out, it will branch out and I'll go into circles or winding paths about all of these things that I'm trying to "reason." The reason... er, "reason" for this is that I've been reading about "reason" and the ghosts of reason and classical and romantic thought and philosophy and after awhile it all goes into a big pile of just things that have been read. I don't know if I learned from them, or if the knowledge was there in the first place and just brought back to the surface, or brought to my attention. I have no idea. Or well, I do have an idea. It's just that I have many of them, and when I write them down they probably will appear as rambling to everyone else, like right now, but they make sense to me. No more than before I wrote them down, but just the same as before.
And, the irony of this situation and of this big pile of supposed random weird thoughts is that Kevin, the subject of my picture and of the beginning of all this nonsense--he's the one who recommended this book in the first place!
_________________________________________________
And that is the end of that and the beginning of a whole slew of new things. My mind has been on just about everything in the most unorganized way possible, so that's how I'm going to be for the moment. Unorganized and EVERYWHERE. Right now.
Yesterday was spent at Steven's house. I really think it's a great thing when we're welcome there and our differences are all put away. What color we all are doesn't matter, and his dad loves us just the same. I think it's sweet. With all of the recent events going on, I've been trying to understand prejudice and racism... but I like to call it prejudice, because it can apply to more than just skin color, and the word racist makes me think of skin color. Prejudice, on the other hand, makes me think of all sorts of things. But back to what I was trying to get to, I don't understand prejudice. Everyone is always arguing and trying to be right about it, but as long as we are using that as a way of trying to "solve" things, nothing will ever be solved. Why? Because we are trying to justify what we believe in, and why we think we are right, by addressing our opinions. At first this seems reasonable, but really it's not. Not when it comes to the idea of being prejudice.
Sometimes people say that if we were all blind, everything would be so much better. I don't think so. The abstract idea of being colorblind in the sense that they're talking about (not the literal sense) is not a reasonable answer to me because if colorblind we wouldn't be able to see the beauty in all that we've overcome. I could go on further to clarify that, but I don't feel like it right now. I don't want to get any deeper into it than I've already gotten (at the moment).
To justify my own actions, which is what I was arguing against earlier and also doing at the same time (which could possibly mean I'm a hypocrite, but can you really compare what I'm about to say to racism? I think that every situation has different rules. I mean, really), I decided that "morning" is just an idea. Who says that I have to wake up in the morning? My parents argue, "You shouldn't be waking up so late in the afternoon" and I don't understand why, because I have no reason to wake up in the morning. And I was going to go into this, too, but now I've decided against it. Maybe another time, too, maybe another time.
Can I really use the same reasoning for prejudice as I can for me just wanting to be a lazy teenager and sleep all day? I think I can, I think I can.
!
Now that I'm done being wordy... well, I'm not done being wordy YET, but now that I'm considering the idea of being done with being wordy I'd like to note that if I read the same book for a long period of time, my thoughts take on the structure of the author of the book for a short while. But don't worry, it should end soon enough.
Maynard and Omar! Emo Kitty are so cute.
It's 5:55. Do you know where YOUR kittens are at?