ghost > fog
i've been told that i
write backwards
and it that it doesnt often
make much sense
and that's frustrating.
so please,
if you dont get it
and you want to...
ask me.
i'll tell you.
really.
anyway...
today, for a little bit
everything was going to be allright.
(then i stopped running.)
: and every two months or so he decides he's gonna get his life :"on track" and that lasts for a week and then he meets a new girl (who's nowhere near as nice as you =P ) and that last a week then he gets bored with her and finds a new one and then she doesnt like him and then he gets sad and does nothing but smoke for two weeks.
: repeat.
: yeah. well he probly meant that, in some regard. but he's still a little kid.
: dan doesnt care how you feel unless you feeling bad is gonna make him feel bad.
: but i dont think he's looking for the same thing as you
: he's looking for someone that he can hang out with for a week and enjoy everything about it and then get some and then lose interest
another point of view i suppose. but a shitty one. a very very shitty one.
there are three things i need to tell dan before im willing to allow my foot to be jammed in the door.
im leaving myself clues.
so i dont forget.
1. fruit punch. OR the floor of the flat.
2. bacon. OR sick of walking, buy a plane.
3. milk. OR the fork that almost wasn't.
yeah. so, if im supposed to be getting to where dan seems to be ,in terms of happy adjusted and moving on, well.. it seems im fucked.
maybe someday.
i dont think so.
either way: im here, alone, and miserable. and he's not, not, and not.
i suppose
someday soon
i just might give up.
wait, no.
not at all.
like a super hero
(but with no powers or motivation)
i saw my cousin today.
she reminded me of how stupid my family is.
and invited me to her 6th annual beer-b-q.
my thoughts on the issue are quite mixed.
i will perhaps share them at a later date.
today five people told me i was beautiful
and i cried in the bathroom.
today i fell in love
and was instantly kicked in the teeth.
tomorrow.. im going to try not to think about him even once. just to see if i can. i feel like i've failed already.
i hate this feeling.
like im keeping promises to someone who forgot i ever even made them.
i know its not the case.
its just hard not to feel that way.
he didnt answer my email
at all
i guess i didnt really want a reply anyway.
i've been awake for two days.
i think i should go to bed.