(no subject)
I thought that the system had deleted my various deep thoughts posts of the third. Of course, this was just paranoia.
I am really very tense. So very tense that I might have to jackknife out of bed tomorrow morning, as I did this morning. It is very difficult to move one's legs when one has just been lying still for a very long time and has deadly knots in one's back muscles. Hopefully I will find someone with mad massaging skills.
I have Katie's pants. They are soft and fuzzy and good for forensics. I shall wear them.
Food is making me sick. Goddamn Quizno's. I shouldn't blame them but I feel like it so I will. Someone needs to be blamed, anyways. It might be good to blame Devin, just because I can. Not that it makes logical sense or anything.
I feel kind of crappy actually. It's partly from being tense, from being tired, and from not feeling lucid or powerful. I guess that is a sad thing. I also didn't talk to Jess today because of the band concert, and at first it was going to be okay but now I want to talk to her. Just gotta troop through another school day and I'll talk to her again. Just gotta troop through two and I'll have her in my arms again. So much work.
So many things to think about. Too many.
Deep Thoughts:
Henry David Thoreau once said "Simplify! Simplify!"
I wonder why he didn't just say "Simplify!"
That one's for Fleury. Not that she reads this shit, but because I can.
I don't like to think the reason I'm not deeply depressed is Jess, because that would simply mean that life would suck x2 when she goes to Virginia. Because I'll know she exists and know that she loves me and not be able to do a damn thing about it. What is ultimately better, loving someone for a while and knowing what it is to love, or not loving at all and never having to suffer? It's all about questioning the validity of sayings.
Devin could very easily have gotten her scarf back today. I want to make her frenzied, really, perhaps to the point where I can't go near her. For my personal amusement. And because something perverse and masochistic wants to see just how mean she can be, and this is just the perfect way to provoke a reaction. I like being an ass. The great part of this is that Devin is oh-so-capable of being an ass back. It's part of the fun.
I also think that my aunt somehow slides down the laundry chute, because I last saw her in the bathroom and now I think she's in her bed. Hmm...
I am really very tense. So very tense that I might have to jackknife out of bed tomorrow morning, as I did this morning. It is very difficult to move one's legs when one has just been lying still for a very long time and has deadly knots in one's back muscles. Hopefully I will find someone with mad massaging skills.
I have Katie's pants. They are soft and fuzzy and good for forensics. I shall wear them.
Food is making me sick. Goddamn Quizno's. I shouldn't blame them but I feel like it so I will. Someone needs to be blamed, anyways. It might be good to blame Devin, just because I can. Not that it makes logical sense or anything.
I feel kind of crappy actually. It's partly from being tense, from being tired, and from not feeling lucid or powerful. I guess that is a sad thing. I also didn't talk to Jess today because of the band concert, and at first it was going to be okay but now I want to talk to her. Just gotta troop through another school day and I'll talk to her again. Just gotta troop through two and I'll have her in my arms again. So much work.
So many things to think about. Too many.
Deep Thoughts:
Henry David Thoreau once said "Simplify! Simplify!"
I wonder why he didn't just say "Simplify!"
That one's for Fleury. Not that she reads this shit, but because I can.
I don't like to think the reason I'm not deeply depressed is Jess, because that would simply mean that life would suck x2 when she goes to Virginia. Because I'll know she exists and know that she loves me and not be able to do a damn thing about it. What is ultimately better, loving someone for a while and knowing what it is to love, or not loving at all and never having to suffer? It's all about questioning the validity of sayings.
Devin could very easily have gotten her scarf back today. I want to make her frenzied, really, perhaps to the point where I can't go near her. For my personal amusement. And because something perverse and masochistic wants to see just how mean she can be, and this is just the perfect way to provoke a reaction. I like being an ass. The great part of this is that Devin is oh-so-capable of being an ass back. It's part of the fun.
I also think that my aunt somehow slides down the laundry chute, because I last saw her in the bathroom and now I think she's in her bed. Hmm...