(no subject)

[pover]

it isn't like i remember it anyway
mostly blank pages
with angry eyes
and faded sounds of
"please"
but that doesn't mean
i know what switch to hit
when my mind kicks
into overdrive
going over every time
you said goodbye
and left us to him
i can still feel it
like water in my lungs
and i flinch
at sudden movements
and loud noises
and emotional displays
and yeah maybe im safe now
grown up
and growing old
and i should be over it
but its like a phantom limb
i feel what those days cost me
with every move i make
and every time
i fail
at the simplest things
[emotional claustrophobe that i am]
i remember why
and im angry all over again.
and yes you're bound to love him anyway
a mothers chain
support him no matter what
despite the monster he is
or has been
or damage done
or to whom
but don't you owe me the same thing
hey
call me all the names you'd like
yell
and tell me
i'm ungrateful
hateful
selfish
angry
bitter
but remember:
he only did it because you let him
so maybe its not him i hate
as much as you think

let me find peace in my own time