i long to spread my wings and fly into the light
leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back
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I'm quite similar to the anon above me. I have been through that situation. And no one helped me. It only took me five years before I went after him with a knife. He lived. He got away with it. And he died with no one knowing that he did. In fact, he went by suicide, so everyone felt bad for him. Everyone thinks I'm a nice person at heart, but in truth, EVERYTHING that man has done to me has ruined my outlook on the world. I hate everything. I know hate is a strong word, but I mean it in its deepest roots. I hate. Everything. Everyone. And every time I see someone smile and say hello to me and ask me how my childhood was or oh are you coming over for thanksgiving you're quite a rude girl ignoring how much your family cares about you and if you ever really cared you would have never left me there!
I'm 21, a child's age compared to others but enough nightmares to drown all of my friends twiceover. I have an inoperable tumor that will probably kill me. I am thousands of dollars in debt. My past is nothing but things no one will ever believe me about and my future is the equivalent of looking at the endless expanse over a cliff's edge and not having the willpower to walk off. I know this meme was to get weight off your chest, and to have a neutral observer understand this. But the more I write this, the more I realize that the reason I'm writing this.
What do you think you can say to me? A you that still has kindness and an optimistic spirit? What can you possibly say to the me that has lost all faith in humanity? That knows firsthand that there is no such thing as kindness? Or that optimism is a total joke? I don't mean to be rude, but I really am quite curious.
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I am an optimistic person. I know the world is cruel and terrible but I can still see beauty in it. That's just the way I've always been ever since I can remember. When I was eight/nine I nearly died and spent many a long months in a bitter recovery process as a result. I was lucky. I came out alive and relatively unscathed because I believed I would be okay. I fought to keep going. So I lived and remained optimistic.
I'm not an angel or a saint or a selfless person. I'm not trying to sit here and convince everyone that the world is beautiful and you should love it. I'm aware that not everyone is as lucky as me. All I know how to do is try to help those I can--those I love and those I know--to the best of my ability. Which is unfortunately not everyone because I'm just a 22 year old college student struggling in her own right. So there are many, many things beyond my power.
But I still won't ever lose hope. That's just the way I am.
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I miss having hope. :(
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I hope you can find it again someday, somehow.
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Probably not, but the wishes are still nice. Just know I still love you Yukiii~ ♥
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Well I'll keep wishin' for ya. Futile or not. :) Aww, thanks. I love you too. ♥
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